Introduction
If we carefully look at human life, we find that it is all based on relationships. We have a relationship with everything, every object, and every person that we come in contact with. Our relationships are reflections of those associations with our parents, relatives, friends, spouse, children, objects, society, etc. They are all mirrors of ourselves, attracting mirror qualities and beliefs that we espouse in our lives. Some relationships we are born into without a choice, while others are cultivated. We choose friends based on the alignment of their interests with ours and expectations of their support during our trials and tribulations. Gurbani has painted that picture in these words:
ਮਿਤ੍ਰ ਘਣੇਰੇ ਕਰਿ ਥਕੀ ਮੇਰਾ ਦੁਖੁ ਕਾਟੈ ਕੋਇ ॥
Mitr ghanere kar thakee meraa dhukh kaaTai koi. (SGGS, Pg. No. 37)
Translation: I have grown weary of trying to make so many friends, in hopes that someone might be able to end my suffering.
But at the time of peril, we find ourselves lonely. Sometimes, relationships with our close relatives or friends get soured by becoming estranged. Imagine if with the fix of one relationship, all others would get fixed. What, that one relationship could fix it? Let us look at the answers of the enlightened who experienced it.
Reality of the Enlightened
All the enlightened have one consistent answer. Guru Arjan has shared his answer in SGGS in these words:
ਇਕੁ ਸਜਣੁ ਸਭਿ ਸਜਣਾ ਇਕੁ ਵੈਰੀ ਸਭਿ ਵਾਦਿ ॥ ਗੁਰਿ ਪੂਰੈ ਦੇਖਾਲਿਆ ਵਿਣੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਸਭ ਬਾਦਿ ॥
Ik sajjaṇ sabẖ sajṇaa ik vairee sabh vaad. Gur poorai daekhaa-ilaa viṇ naavai sabh baad. (SGGS, Pg. No. 957)
Translation: If One Almighty is my friend, then all are my friends (as the seeker sees the Divine in everyone). However, if I have one enemy, then everyone is seen as adversarial. The Perfect Guru has shown me that, without Naam—keeping the consciousness in One and cultivating His spiritual qualities—everything is useless.
Guru Ji shared his intimate inner feelings about this relationship as follows:
ਹਰਿ ਇਕੋ ਮੇਰਾ ਸਜਣੋ ਹਰਿ ਇਕਸੈ ਨਾਲਿ ਮੈ ਸੰਗੁ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਇਕਸੈ ਨਾਲਿ ਮੈ ਗੋਸਟੇ ਮੁਹੁ ਮੈਲਾ ਕਰੈ ਨ ਭੰਗੁ ॥
Har eiko meraa sajjano Har eiksai naal mai saang. Har eiksai naal mai gosattae muhu maila karae na bhang. (SGGS, Pg. No. 958)
Translation: One (God) is my sole friend, and God alone is my companion. My conversation is with Him alone. He never frowns nor turns His face (meaning back) away.
Guru Arjan Dev experienced that friendly relationship with the Almighty, which fixed all his other relationships as well. He even declared in these words:
ਨਾ ਕੋ ਬੈਰੀ ਨਹੀ ਬਿਗਾਨਾ ਸਗਲ ਸੰਗਿ ਹਮ ਕਉ ਬਨਿ ਆਈ ॥੧॥
Naa ko bairee nahee bigaanaa sagal sung hum kau ban aaiee. 1. (SGGS, Pg. No. 1299)
Translation: No one is my enemy, and no one is a stranger. I have a good relationship with everyone. ||1||
ਸਜਣੁ ਸਚਾ ਪਾਤਿਸਾਹੁ ਸਿਰਿ ਸਾਹਾਂ ਦੈ ਸਾਹੁ ॥ ਜਿਸੁ ਪਾਸਿ ਬਹਿਠਿਆ ਸੋਹੀਐ ਸਭਨਾਂ ਦਾ ਵੇਸਾਹੁ ॥੨੨॥
Sajjan Sachaa Paatshah sirr shaahaan deh saahau. Jis paas Behaithia soheeai sabhanaan dhaa vaesaahu. 22. (SGGS, Pg. No. 1426)
Translation: My friend is the true supreme king, the king over the heads of kings. He is the support of all; sitting by His side, we are exalted and beautified.
Guru Arjan Dev Ji extols about his relationship in these words:
ਸਾਝੀ ਗੁਰ ਨਾਲਿ ਬਹਾਲਿਆ ਸਰਬ ਸੁਖ ਪਾਇਕ ॥ ਮੈ ਨਾਲਹੁ ਕਦੇ ਨ ਵਿਛੁੜੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਿਤਾ ਸਭਨਾ ਗਲਾ ਲਾਇਕ ॥੨੧॥
Saajhee gur naal bahaaliaa sarab sukh paik || Mai naalahu kadhe na vichhuRai har pitaa sabhanaa galaa laik. 21. (SGGS, Pg. No. 1102)
Translation: He has made me a partner with the (Sat)Guru; I have obtained all peace and comfort. He is with me and shall never separate from me; the God, my father, is potent to do and offer everything. ||21||
We can feel the comradery, mentorship, intimacy, and trust in this relationship, producing a feeling of elation. Guru Nanak Ji had a very similar relationship, which his words exude:
ਹਰਿ ਸਾ ਮੀਤੁ ਨਾਹੀ ਮੈ ਕੋਈ ॥
Har saa meet(h) naahee mai ko-ee. (SGGS, Pg. No. 1027)
Translation: I don’t see any friend like God.
Still wondering about the other besides the One? Guru Ji counters it by asking:
ਦੂਜਾ ਕਉਣੁ ਕਹਾ ਨਹੀ ਕੋਈ ॥
Doojaa kauṇn kahaa nahee koee. (SGGS, Pg. No. 223)
Translation: Other who, where—there is none.
Guru Ji added that thinking in terms of the other is intellectually flawed:
ਦੂਜੀ ਦੁਰਮਤਿ ਆਖੈ ਦੋਇ ॥
Doojee durmat aakhae doae. (SGGS, Pg. No. 223)
Translation: (Only) the dual-minded evil intellect speaks of the other.
Guru Ram Das Ji has also shared his intimate relationship with One in these words:
ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਸਜਣੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਮੁ ਰਾਇਆ ॥
Har har Sajjan meraa Pritam raaeiaa. (SGGS, Pg. No. 94)
Translation: The God, Har, Har is my best friend; He is my beloved King.
Elsewhere, he has expressed in a similar vein as:
ਸਜਣੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਏਕੁ ਤੂੰ ਕਰਤਾ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਸੁਜਾਣੁ ॥
Sajjan maeraa eaek toon Kartha purakh sujjaan. (SGGS, Pg. No. 759)
Translation: You are my only friend, O my all-knowing, all-powerful creator of everyone, God.
Even Guru Gobind Singh Ji has expressed his close, dear friendship by remembering Him during the trying times by these words:
ਮਿੱਤਰ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਨੂੰ ਹਾਲ ਮੁਰੀਦਾ ਦਾ ਕਹਿਣਾ ॥
Mitar pyarae noo(n) haal mureedhaa(n) dhaa kahanaa || (Dasam Granth. Pg. 711)
Translation: Convey to the dear friend the condition of the disciples.
He even considers himself a servant of that dear friend:
ਮੈ ਹੋ ਪਰਮਪੁਰਖ ਕੋ ਦਾਸਾ॥ ਦੇਖਨ ਆਯੋ ਜਗਤ ਤਮਾਸਾ॥
Maie ho Param purakh ko daasaa. Dhekhan aaiyo jagat tamaashaa. (Dasam Granth)
Translation: I am the servant of the Supreme Being. I have come to witness the worldly show.
Gurus have used different words from the lexicon on relationships to express the true and constant companionship that they experienced. How, with that one relationship fixed, all the relationships got fixed as well. But if we are not aware of it, its significance is enigmatic, and the question of such a relationship is nonexistent. Yet it is the most significant relationship, which can cure all our relationship woes, making us happier in life.
Bhagat Kabir experienced its warmth, its closeness, which he expressed as:
ਅਬ ਮੋਹਿ ਰਾਮੁ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਕਰਿ ਜਾਨਿਆ ॥ ਸਹਜ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਨਿਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Abb mohae raam apunaa kar jaaniaa. Sahaj subhai meraa mun maaniaa. 1. Rahaau. (SGGS, Pg. No. 327)
Translation: Now I am convinced that He is my God. My mind is intuitively bonded with Him. ||1||Pause||
Bhagat Ravidas also had that type of relationship; he described its intimacy, feelings, and closeness in Sri Guru Granth Sahib on Page 658. The shabad has not been included here for brevity's sake.
World’s Reality
Our universal reality is shaped through our relationships with our authority figures. As children our authority figures were parents, being governed by them. Then as we grew up, the teachers became those authority figures and were idolized. During adulthood we abided by our spouse and children. Finally, in our old age, we become dependent on our children. But Guru Nanak Ji views all these worldly relationships as mere bondages:
ਬੰਧਨ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸੰਸਾਰਿ ॥ ਬੰਧਨ ਸੁਤ ਕੰਨਿਆ ਅਰੁ ਨਾਰਿ ॥੨॥
Bandhan maat pitaa sansaar. Bandhan suth kanniaa aur naar. 2. (SGGS, Pg. No. 416)
Translation: (Without a relationship with the Almighty) People are entangled with mother, father, and the world. (Further) sons, daughters, and spouses become cause of entanglement as well.
Guru Amar Das Ji expressed it in these words:
ਇਹੁ ਕੁਟੰਬੁ ਸਭੁ ਜੀਅ ਕੇ ਬੰਧਨ ਭਾਈ ਭਰਮਿ ਭੁਲਾ ਸੈਂਸਾਰਾ ॥
Eh kutambh sabh jeea kae bandhhan bhaeebharam bhoola sansaar. (SGGS, Pg. No. 602)
Translation: All these familial relations are like chains holding the soul. O siblings of destiny, the whole world is deluded by doubt.
Guru Arjan Dev views these relationships as
ਬੰਧਨ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬਨਿਤਾ ॥
Bandhan maat pitaa suth banittaa. (SGGS, Pg. No. 1147)
Translation: Mother, father, children, and spouse—all place the mortal in (worldly) bondage.
Why are these familial relationships considered bondages? Because we get emotionally attached to them. How do we break the bondages of these relationships without becoming estranged and make a relationship with supreme authority? Guru Ji becomes the conduit for it. Guru Amar Das Ji has provided the answer as
ਬਿਨੁ ਗੁਰ ਬੰਧਨ ਟੂਟਹਿ ਨਾਹੀ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮੋਖ ਦੁਆਰਾ ॥
Bin Gur bandhhan ttootteh naahee gurmukh mokhdhuaaraa. (SGGS, Pg. No. 602)
Translation: Without the Guru, the shackles cannot be broken; one who takes sanctuary of the Guru finds the door of salvation.
New Reality through the Guru
Thus, through Guru’s teachings, this misconception of being vulnerable and needing support gets quashed. Instead, a new realization of being a spiritual being having a human body experience will emerge, one who is directly and constantly connected with the Almighty.
ਨਾਨਕ ਗੁਰਿ ਖੋਏ ਭ੍ਰਮ ਭੰਗਾ ॥ ਹਮ ਓਇ ਮਿਲਿ ਹੋਏ ਇਕ ਰੰਗਾ ॥੪॥੩੨॥੮੩॥
Nanak gur khoe bhram bha(n)gaa || Hum oai mil hoe ik rangaa ||4||32||83|| (SGGS, Pg. No. 391)
Translation: O Nanak, the Guru has taken away my doubts and misconceptions; (through the Guru’s teachings all the misconceptions about being separate from the Almighty have been removed) He (God) and I have become of the same color (qualities). ||4||32||83||
Becoming one with Supreme Authority is the apex of the relationships. With it comes a realization that the writ (Hukam) of Supreme Authority’s runs on everyone and everything in the creation, removing the perception of being vulnerable. Guru Ji says the entire creation works according to His orders:
ਭੈ ਵਿਚਿ ਸੂਰਜੁ ਭੈ ਵਿਚਿ ਚੰਦੁ ॥ ਕੋਹ ਕਰੋੜੀ ਚਲਤ ਨ ਅੰਤੁ ॥
Bhaai vich sooraj bhaai vich chand. Koh karoṛee chalat na annt. (SGGS, Pg. No. 464)
Translation: In compliance of the order of God the Sun shines and the moon reflects (light). They are traveling millions of miles, endlessly (non-stop).
When our closest, best friend is that authority alone, whose writ runs over everyone, then everything falls in place. Everyone becomes our friend, none estranged or enemies:
ਮੀਤੁ ਸਾਜਨੁ ਸਖਾ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕ ॥ ਨਾਮੁ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਕਾ ਨਾਨਕ ਟੇਕ ॥੪॥੮੭॥੧੫੬॥
Meeth saajan sakhaa prabh eik. Naam suaamee kaa nanak Tek 4. 87.156. (SGGS, Pg. No. 197)
Translation: The One Creator is my intimate best friend and companion. The Naam, the Divine Virtues, is Nanak's only support.
Understanding this underlying principle of Oneness behind the multiple forms in creation enables establishing a close bond with the Almighty. With that one relationship, all our fears and anxieties are cast aside. Because of the relationship with the sole Supreme Authority, even the perceived threats from the lesser authorities vanish, being replaced with a cozy feeling of being protected in these words:
ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਪਿਤਾ ਤੂੰਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਬੰਧਪੁ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਭ੍ਰਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਰਾਖਾ ਸਭਨੀ ਥਾਈ ਤਾ ਭਉ ਕੇਹਾ ਕਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ ॥੧॥
Too(n) meraa pitaa too(n)hai meraa maataa. Too(n) meraa ba(n)dhap too(n) meraa bhraataa. Too(n) meraa raakhaa sabhanee thaiee taa bhau kehaa kaaRaa jeeau. 1. (SGGS, Pg. No. 103)
Translation: You are my father, and you are my mother. You are my relative, and you are my brother. You are my protector everywhere; why should I feel any fear or anxiety? ||1||
Guru Ji has described inner feelings from that relationship as
ਇਕੋ ਦਿਸੈ ਸਜਣੋ ਇਕੋ ਭਾਈ ਮੀਤੁ ॥ ਇਕਸੈ ਦੀ ਸਾਮਗਰੀ ਇਕਸੈ ਦੀ ਹੈ ਰੀਤਿ ॥ ਇਕਸ ਸਿਉ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਨਿਆ ਤਾ ਹੋਆ ਨਿਹਚਲੁ ਚੀਤੁ ॥
Eiko dhisai sajano iko bhaiee meeth. Eaikasai dhee saamagaree ikasai dhee hai reet. Eikas siau mun maaniaa taa hoaa nihachal cheet. (SGGS, Pg. No. 44)
Translation: The One (God) appears to be my Companion; the One is my Brother and Friend. Wealth and the material things are all given by the One; everything in this world is governed by His laws. When one’s mind is absorbed in His remembrance, then it is at peace; it stops wandering and wavering as it becomes steady and calm.
The words coming out of the mouth will be
ਹਮਾਰੈ ਏਕੈ ਹਰੀ ਹਰੀ ॥ ਆਨ ਅਵਰ ਸਿਞਾਣਿ ਨ ਕਰੀ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Humaarai ekai haree haree. Aan avar sin(j)aan na karee. Rahaau. (SGGS, Pg. No. 715)
Translation: For me, Almighty is the only Master. (Besides Him) I do not entertain any other. ||Pause||
Conclusion
We saw how vulnerable we can feel in life; the future is unknown, so fear of uncertainty persists. Guru Ji has shown that this vulnerability can be removed by having a direct relationship with the Almighty. It is not just by having that relationship but by experiencing it and becoming one with it. Then the realization dawns that there is no other besides Him. Along with that realization, all real and imagined threats and insecurities that made us feel vulnerable also disappear, and a new inner calmness will be experienced. Let us try to experience that relationship in this life.
