Simply, we are related for lifelong with someone, i.e. from the day we are born till divorced or death does us apart. Relationships are very important for life's smooth, sailing; we should keep on always learning about them, how to make them good or better. Only good or better relationships cause happiness and offer good mental health, ironical is they are not taught in any school, college or temple. There is tons of information by experts but divorce rate and the break up in family relationships are in an alarming turmoil. One has to learn relationships as one goes by reading about them in various psychological books and good articles. One great place, simply explained, with easy to follow rules, I found to read on relationships is our venerable Gruru Granth.
Guru Granth teaches following: Jin prem kiyo tin hee prabh payo.
God invisible is realizable through 'Prem' i.e., affection- love. A key fundamental certainly for all relations; family or social is love and care, everyone's success should be easily possible, period. Our all relationships can be very profound, our divorce possibility minimizzzzed. We simply have to shift our focus from 'bicker of trading things & demands' to relation and relating, finally seeing GOD in our relationships as Guru Granth clearly saying in following lines. If one will connect with his/ her family and realize God through them, one will be always related. Your father, mother, spouse, brother, sister and friend is in 'God' form with you. If we develop such a deep relationship, there is no way we will fail in any relationship.
ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਭਾਈ ਸੁਤ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਤਿਨ ਭੀਤਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੂ ਸੰਜੋਇਆ ॥
maath pithaa bhaaee suth banithaa thin bheethar prabhoo sanjoeiaa.
God resides in your mother, father, brothers, sons and wife.
ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬੰਧਪੋ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਾਣ ਅਧਾਰ ॥
maath pithaa suth bandhapo thoon maerae praan adhaar.
You are my mother, father, son and relative; You are the Support of the breath of life.
For all social relationships:
ਸਭ ਮਹਿ ਆਪਿ ਰਹਿਆ ਭਰਪੂਰਿ ॥
sabh mehi aap rehiaa bharapoor |
You Yourself are totally pervading amongst all. 3rd Guru
ਤੂੰ ਘਟ ਘਟ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਸਰਬ ਨਿਰੰਤਰਿ ਜੀ ਹਰਿ ਏਕੋ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਸਮਾਣਾ ॥
thoon ghatt ghatt anthar sarab niranthar jee har eaeko purakh samaanaa.
You are constant in each and every heart, and in all living beings. O Dear Lord, you are the One.
Let us remember, when I was a tender baby, a kid, my mother & father were reflection-image of God for me. When I married, spouse, children and my new family, when I am old my children lend hand- support to take care of me. You see, God present in all. You have met me in different form, even in form of 'my child', son & daughter are also 'Iswar/ Parmatma/ Bhagwan roop=God Form'. As Guru ji, tells us, God sent you to help in old age.
ਬਿਰਧਿ ਭਇਆ ਊਪਰਿ ਸਾਕ ਸੈਨ ॥ ਮੁਖਿ ਅਪਿਆਉ ਬੈਠ ਕਉ ਦੈਨ ॥
biraDh bha-i-aa oopar saak sain. mukh api-aa-o baith ka-o dain.
As you grow old, family and friends are there, to feed you as you rest.
Such a home is a temple, gurdwara - dharamsal and heavenly abode.
ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਿਨਿ ਪ੍ਰਿਉ ਪਰਮੇਸਰੁ ਕਰਿ ਜਾਨਿਆ ॥
kaho naanak jin pari-o parmaysar kar jaani-aa.
Says Nanak, she who looks upon the Transcendent Lord as her Husband.
There is strong need in life for relationships in a society, very strong need, indeed and an extremely important one. If you are missing one small relation, you could be badly haunted and pain of missing good relationship will be a deep one.
One relationship, a healing one, in the end to which all of us can be connected. This includes all relationships of Father, mother, spouse, brother, sister and a dear friend.
ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਪਿਤਾ ਤੂੰ ਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਬੰਧਪੁ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਭ੍ਰਾਤਾ ॥
thoon maeraa pithaa thoonhai maeraa maathaa . thoon maeraa bandhap thoon maeraa bhraathaa
You are my Father, and You are my Mother. You are my Relative, and You are my Brother.
All relations have up & down moments and most of them are manageable, both parties equally need to take the responsibility. Taking responsibility is 100 times much better efforts or to turn no stone to keep a relation than break.
Breaking relations have Psychological effects on next generation and may be farther. One may realize and regret such decision made, years later in life. I have lived in western world for over 3 decades. I happen to have a heart to heart talk with a woman, who was negotiating her 5th marriage at the age of 55+ in a forum.
The following recommendations are by Guru to conduct introspection, when normally ‘blaming’ goes on.
Suggestion 1: your Behavior
ਰੋਸੁ ਨ ਕਾਹੂ ਸੰਗ ਕਰਹੁ ਆਪਨ ਆਪੁ ਬੀਚਾਰਿ ॥
ros n kaahoo sang karahu aapan aap beechaar
Do not be angry with anyone else; look within your own self instead. Shalok.
Suggestion 2: Your style
Remain humble to receive grace. (Not anything else, like ego, pride, anger etc.)
ਹੋਇ ਨਿਮਾਨਾ ਜਗਿ ਰਹਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਦਰੀ ਪਾਰਿ ॥
hoe nimaanaa jag rehahu naanak nadharee paar
Be humble in this world, O Nanak, and by His Grace you shall be carried across.
If we will use cunningness or jealousy (irkha), Anger ( krodh), dwesh, (shown much on TV) etc. The house will be will be like mortuary, where we physically may be alive but burning with hate & anger. When one is having all smooth relationship, his status may be compared with a 'braham gyani' or a 'saint'= a blissful person. On other hand, if you are not in talking terms with your parents, father or mother or have filed lawsuits against your father or brother, have no communication with any close or multiple other relations. You are never getting close to happiness and peace of mind in this life time. Life a living hell clearly and when your child grows to be an adult, do not expect any better respect from him/ her - he/ she is going to return what he/ she has learnt from you by way of practical training. This is based on true experiences of many, we often hear, written as consolidated statement and names with held. Many acknowledge this as a common story of many households in India.
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| By blending (seeing) 'God' in all relations, family and social relationships, one can find heaven here. The law of nature. Give help-Get help. |
This is our fault that we did not learn this.
ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਨਿਕਟਿ ਵਸੈ ਸਭਨਾ ਘਟ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਵਿਰਲੈ ਜਾਤਾ ॥
prabh nikatt vasai sabhanaa ghatt anthar guramukh viralai jaathaa.
God is close at hand; He dwells deep within the hearts of all. How rare are those who, as Gurmukh, know Him.
Guru Granth teaches delightful living. (Good+happy) Good for today better for tomorrow. Follow it.
May we all make relationships in our lives a gift and make this resolution as a priority for this day and year 2015. So we may be happier with our family, have a healthy social life and prosperous community.
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The article is focused on younger generation. They can bring change early and easily in their lives. Middle aged and older people may learn from this too, as per saying; Writer is an architect. Published a number of write ups in different news papers & magazines. Jasbir Singh is welcoming new and re-new old relations, personal, family & social relationships with new insight from the Guru Granth. Please communicate through email. [email protected] A simple, friendly, flexible natured person, whose life motto has been simple living and high thinking. |
Relevant References:
Make your home setup:
ਇਕਸੁ ਵਿਣੁ ਹੋਰੁ ਦੂਜਾ ਨਾਹੀ ਬਾਬਾ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹ ਮਤਿ ਸਾਰੀ ਜੀਉ ॥
eikas vin hor dhoojaa naahee baabaa naanak eih math saaree jeeo.
Without the One, there is no other at all. O Baba Nanak, this is the most excellent wisdom.
None other but YOU is your family-
ਤੁਝ ਬਿਨੁ ਦੂਜਾ ਅਵਰੁ ਨ ਕੋਈ ॥
thujh bin dhoojaa avar n koee
Without You, there is no other; the entire Universe is the Arena of Your Play. 5t.h Guru.
If one won't love the person he/ she can see, how can he/ she love the God he/ she can't see?
