I never knew that loneliness would come back and haunt my life more than ever before but that it would also bring along with it immense powers.
I stay at my house with my family but still I feel detached. I feel a distance of a thousand miles between myself and people around me. The Lord’s Name “Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru” seems to be the only panacea. I’m blessed with my Guru’s divine nectar (Amrit) but I have no idea what the Almighty wants from me. I always wonder, how can I pay back my Guru for the priceless gift that he has bestowed upon me? Baptism has brought some very strong visions to me and I feel that one of the most recent of them is worth sharing.
I feel as if I have come out of the FEAR-ocean (Bhau saagar) but I’m still sitting on its coast waiting for somebody. I can see huge waves rising within the fear-ocean and darkness all around. I can feel the breeze rising from the surface of the ocean and striking me at the back of my spine and uttering messages in my ears to scare me. I can feel the ocean roaring, boasting of its infinite power and challenging me. The ocean is saying, “You cannot withstand my fury standing alone on this rocky beach. I’m going to swallow you just like I’ve swallowed the rest of the world.” After hearing this challenge, I feel my eyes wet and a couple of tears about to fall from my eyes. But when I close my eyes and allow my tears to drop, I just feel that those tears are not out of fear, those tears are out of pity. I pity the fear-ocean for its own egotism and stupidity.
And suddenly I realize who I am, to whose army I belong. I am the warrior of my Guru. I am a KHALSA of my Tenth Master. I am a soldier of the army of immortals. I’m wearing my Bana. I have a flowing beard. I am holding a spear. I am standing firm and unshakeable on the rocky shore of the fear ocean, enthusiastic to embrace death after fighting Sawa lakh (125, 000) soldiers. I stand gazing at the roaring ocean.
And at that very moment I see crimson clouds wandering in the dark sky where DEATH is flying in fury. But what is this? Death starts trembling at the sight of a lonely Singh. When I stare at death, it retreats faster than it was approaching me. And I say to her, “Go Baby!! One day I’ll grab your neck and you’ll take me to my destination across this ocean without me dipping into it.” Then a drop from the wave comes and strikes my upper lip. It tastes salty and I don’t like it.
The fear-ocean is still roaring and I take a deep breath and turn around to see sharp rays of light striking my face. The warm light dries up the remaining drops of tears on my cheeks. And I say to the sun, “You are most welcome to rise!”
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!!
Jun 30, 2009