Empowering the Core of the Kaur
"...kar himmat, badal samaaj kurray."
Muster up the courage, change society, daughter.
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Mar 20, 2014: Last weekend about 35 women gathered in the Metro Detroit Area to participate in Empowering the Core of the Kaur, a retreat for Sikh women of all ages. We kicked off with a brief presentation on the spirit behind this #KaursRetreat. Those in attendance probably remember the slide about what the omniscient Google has to reveal about what a Sikh looks like. In case you’re wondering, just Google “Sikh” and see what turns up. Spoiler alert: Google’s “Sikh” didn’t look anything like any of the 35 or so women in attendance at the retreat.
Then we did a brief and iluminating exercise in which women were asked to close their eyes and think of a non-Guru Sikh figure from the past or present. All but three or four women said they were thinking of a male figure. Spoiler alert: We live the reality Google presents us; “Sikh” is synonymous with “Singh.”
It was glaringly obvious then that there is a severe and painful disjuncture between what “Sikhi says” and what “Sikhs do.” Sikhi extolls women and men; it makes women and men relate to Ik Oankar through the feminine perspective, there’s no escaping! Sikhi tells us women and men were equally as present and contributors to all of the community and institution-building activities—women and men were appointed as masands by Guru Amar Das Sahib, they both helped build the Ramdaspur (Amritsar) sarovar. Specifically with regard to women, Bibi Nananki, the revolutionary, endowed Guru Nanak Sahib with his first rabab, thus instating and encouraging the tradition of keertan. Baba Amar Das Sahib’s encounter with Sikhi was through Bibi Amro reciting Shabad-Guru. The encounter transformed his life, so much so that he was bequeathed with the Guru-ship. This is what Sikhi says. We take much pride in it and teach our children accordingly, yet the disjuncture between “Sikhi says” and “Sikhs do” is only paid lip service.
We began Saturday morning by performing one of the most humbling and grounding sevas, Parkash. “Parkash di seva” or “Parkash karna” are conceptual misnomers. We do not do “Parkash” of the Guru; rather, the Guru graces us with Parkash, spiritual awakening. Six young warriors were up bright and early and were honored with this seva. The walk from the Sukh Asan room to the Darbar Room was only a few short steps but embers of empowerment through the Guru-Sovereign were just getting rekindled.
We spent a few moments centering ourselves with simran. Various voices joined as one collective voice, reciting Nitnem. Voices got louder and sounded more awake with each pauri. The Guru sent a timely reminder of mindfulness through the Hukam, which began with Eh man har ji dhiaae tu ik mann ik chit bhaaey (Dear mind, focus on the One with complete mindfulness) and concluded with …sabh aakhoh dhann dhann dhann gur soee (great, wonderful, glorious is the Guru!)
The first talk was on domestic violence. Social workers from Mai Family Services (maifs.org) presented us with some alarming statistics and information: DV is based on an imbalance of power; it is a learned behavior; it impacts children the same way it does victims; it’s intergenerational and cyclical; it is the largest threat to women between the ages of 15-44; it affects individuals from all socioeconomic backgrounds. Too often verbal violence (and therefore psychological trauma) are ignored in our community. It is not a man’s haq (right) to control a woman through physical and emotional abuse (and vice versa).
Fittingly, after learning about physical and emotional abuse, we had a session on self-defense, led by three brilliant and inspirational young women. Our teachers had us do an intense workout using various techniques from mixed martial arts. We all worked up a sweat! We learned some tricks on what to do if we are physically attacked. The biggest takeaway from the first two sessions was that self-empowerment and self-defense are not optional; we all must be equipped with both!
Next up we had the third of four sessions on wellness: we had an info session and workshop on something that afflicts so many of us: stress! The workshop was led by brilliant young woman who is a practicing psychologist. We learned about various scales of stress and how they affects our minds and bodies.
After learning about stress, another inspiring young woman led a workshop on self-esteem. She had us assess our self-esteem through a quiz and had us do an activity on building self-confidence. Often times, due to societal pressure, we forget our own strengths! This workshop was a great reminder of what all the Guru has made us capable of!
The next activity was a session on simran. The sevadar who led it encouraged us to connect with our minds, block out all distractions, and soak in that rare moment of stillness. Feeling relaxed and aware, we moved right along with the last of the four-part wellness panel. In this session a yoga instructor had us do various exercises to help loosen built up tension and realign our minds and bodies. She told us about some tricks to tackle headaches, anxiety, and anger.
After these two relaxing workshops, we proceeded to our next workshop, titled “Living a Guru-oriented life.” It seemed so fitting that the sevadar discussed this topic given that a Sikh’s entire life is Guru-oriented—from a child’s naming ceremony, to the Anand Karaj ceremony, to Antim Saskar, the Guru is the center of a Sikh’s life. The sevadar leading this workshop had us interpret shabads focused on finding and holding on to the Guru for guidance throughout our lives.
The next talk had us all going! The sevadar presented a talk titled “Feminism, Tradition and Culture: Frames of Identity for Sikh Women.” She led us through a history of western feminism and asked us, “As Sikh women, do we actually understand the feministic imperatives that are referred in the Sikh scriptures, or do we (especially as ethnic women living in the West) simply try to imitate snippets from western feminism?” Think about that one! We also learned about the origins of the term microaggression and its systemic impact in embedding ethno-cultural stereotypes as “normal” and acceptable. [This is the poem the speaker mentioned in her talk]
Next up a sevadar led us through an amazing workshop on Gurbani Sangeet. She gave us an intro on Gurbani Sangeet, including an explanation of her choice of words, “Gurbani Sangeet,” rather than “Gurmat Sangeet.” She showed us evidence (i.e. an Akal Takht Sahib-issued hukamnama) that states women and men can do keertan at Darbar Sahib! That really got the “Sikhi says” versus “Sikhs do” discussion going. She concluded with leading us with a few minutes of riaaz. This was our tenth and last workshop! In one day we exercised our minds and bodies.
We concluded the retreat with Divan, in which we did Rehras Sahib and keertan. The retreat brought together women from all walks of life who otherwise would not have the opportunity to be around each other. Some women drove several hours to be with us. We had attendees from Toronto, Windsor, Ohio, Illinois, and Wisconsin. We began with a serious discussion on what being a Sikh woman means to us and to those around us. Some of the discussions we had are ones we would ideally have among men and women, as we all need to be aware of the issues we discussed over the weekend. The retreat brought together women’s voices—an oft unheard and unvoiced perspective in our community. Let us work together in our small ways to close the disjuncture between “Sikhi says” and “Sikhs do.” As Lilla Watson, historian and activist of aboriginal rights, said, “If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” Our individual, total mental liberation is contingent upon that of ones around us.
Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!