On Sunday, January 9th, I played in Darbar Sahib for the first time
with the Cherdi Kala Jatha. It was a feeling that I can’t really
describe, but I’m going to try. It was extremely foggy. Those of you who
have been to India in the winter know exactly what I’m talking about. I
was feeling a mixture of nervousness and total gratitude when i bowed
my head on the freezing Parkarma. On the way to Darbar Sahib I couldn’t
feel my feet or my hands. I thought ‘I’m about to play for the first
time with numb hands! Oh god!’ I was in awe of how confidently and
nonchalantly Sada Sat Simran and Jugat Guru led the way with me, the
freshie tabla player in tow.
It was still Ishnaan Seva time as they were reciting the shabds inside before they let the rest of the sangat in. We bowed and Jugat Guru got prasad for all three of us. He told me to tell Sada Sat Simran, but I totally didn’t understand him amidst the people reciting the shabds, so Sada Sat Simran got ANOTHER maha-elephant sized prasad serving. I thought “Oh well, we’ll just have to eat more prasad than normal.” Little did I know, it was so cold that when I got the serving of prasad (which pretty much filled both my hands), the ghee solidified into its white hard form, making the prasad much less palatable. Then Sada Sat Simran said “Hurry up! They only have two shabds left before we play!” I forced the prasad down my throat, wiped chunks of solidified ghee off on my churidars, and went in to play.
I
was nervous at first, but before I knew it, it was just the kirtan
playing. To me there was no microphone, no sangat, no insecurity about
people listening to the live broadcast. Just the full gratitude and
blessing to be playing in the house of Guru Ram Das. My heart was
smiling as we played shabds in honor of Guru Gobind Singh, and when we
finished i had a feeling of supreme lightness. It was not like I was
spacing out, but as if the air molecules in direct contact with my skin
decided to lift my physical body weight off of the ground. I felt clear,
nervousness gone, totally clean slate, no fear of dying, no desire to
die either and vice versa with living.
One feeling was fixed like it had been dead bolted to my heart: gratitude. The fact that I was blessed enough to come to Amritsar to this place, having the Guru literally take my anxiety out of my body, and play gods praises in one of the most energetically powerful places on the planet built an experiece so powerful that even if i spend my life as an armpit sniffer working for old spice (The worst job I can imagine!), I would still be able to look back at this experience and say “Thank you god for letting me do that. I am blessed in my life.”
Gurprakash Singh Khalsa is a Miri Piri Academy (Amritsar, India) Alumni student and Staff Member. This year along with his work at the school he has served as tabla player with the Chardikala Jatha.