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| I Am Bountiful, Blissful, and Beautiful. Bountiful, Blissful and Beautiful I am. |
Went to cut my hair and add some color. Must say I had some mixed feelings about the cutting of hair, I had a pretty big discussion with myself about the kesh-thing, but then I thought why try to be someone you are not? Sure you are a sikher but not a sikh, and yes you like the hukams and you like the kirtan and you like the meditation but you are not a sikh and what will people think if you start behaving like one? Now afterwards can see Aha! "what will people think", so stupid. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I haven't told you the whole story yet...
I am natural blond, not super-blond, but blond hair, blue-grey eyes and pale skin, Scandinavian normal, I would say. The trimming of the hair went fine, I like my long hair, tried short and never felt comfortable, so I never do more than trim it. But I wanted change, stupid, stupid. I normally just do some highlights and color some hint of gold. But now, and you will hear how silly this is, since I have kept up three 40 day commitments, this my first year with kundalini yoga, I wanted to mark the change into something new, preparing for my next 40 days with a new commitment. A commitment of health which I am preparing to be able to start soon. I also wanted to have a more serious style for work, so I thought, together with the hair dresser, chocolate brown.
What can we see here; pride - so stupid - to be proud of the three 40 days, I should be grateful (and I am, didn't know I was this proud though).
Anyways, the color did not get good, I'm kind of golden brown closest to my head and blackish brown in the ends. So I don't look serious for my work and I don't feel this a nice mark for something new and beautiful in life. I keep thinking "What will people think!?! I look like a teenager gone wild with at home hair color." And, I admit it, I am thinking "OK, I was never beautiful but I had beautiful golden hair, I now I look like shit." SHIT!
And so, what can we see here; attachment - I was in no way a better person 3 hours ago as a blond then, now as a person with different shades of brown on my head. The color will fade, the hair will grow and hopefully I will have learned from this.
I want to add that I should have listened to my own little thoughts on kesh and that it might be worth keeping. The fact that I even thought about it, having been cutting my hair a normal routine for almost 30 years, must mean something. I shouldn't have been so proud to believe I had grown as a person, I just showed myself I haven't and I should definitely stop obsessing over the way my hair looks. There is also the fact that you shouldn't try to be something your are not, well coloring your hair is faking it a bit and I should have seen even thinking about this.
I just had to take a hukam to receive some light upon this ... experience...
Even if one were to enjoy all pleasures, and be master of the entire earth,
O Nanak, all of that is just a disease. Without the Naam, he is dead.
Well, what more is there to say?
Maybe:
I Am Bountiful, Blissful, and Beautiful.
Bountiful, Blissful and Beautiful I am.
I sure could use that right now!