During the course of the year, participants in the tele-course Journey into the Heart of Sikh Dharma are given assignments on each of the topics they study. One such assignment given during the course is to reflect on their understanding of sacred relationships and marriage in relationship to their view of the Sikh way of life and the Siri Guru Granth Sahib.
Here are one student’s thoughts on this subject. Tera Jiwan Kaur writes:
“Marriage is the highest Yoga.” When I read this quote, I am always reminded of the first sutra of the Aquarian Age: “Recognize that the other person is you.” In a marriage all will be reflected. There is no hiding from the truth when the other person is constantly holding a mirror up to you.
Love in any relationship can be a delicate tightrope between giving and receiving. In relationships, we strive to love and serve the other and yet we must also remain true to our own soul. I often hear people refer to their partners as “my other half.” In some ways, the spiritual union of marriage is suggesting this with the idea that two bodies become united as one soul. I would imagine that this phrase may stem from this idea. However, for me, I feel if I were to describe a partner as “my other half” I would somehow be suggesting that I am not whole, or complete. My understanding of the first two rounds of the Lavan is to remind the couple first and foremost to commit to their love of and devotion to their own soul journey and the Guru. So often in relationships, the focus is on serving the other, and whilst this is very important, I think the first two rounds of Lavan set a couple up so beautifully for a marriage where each one’s first love is for God and Guru.
Deep, deep within us is the longing to merge with the infinite. So often, we spend our time searching for the infinite in another human. A Dharmic marriage invites a couple to assist, uplift, and inspire each other to remember that God is the true beloved. When I first started reading from the Siri Siri Granth Sahib, the pages I opened to almost always talked about God as the one soul-bride. Although the truth resonated, I didn’t like hearing it, and so I had to read it many times… and I’m sure I’ll read it many more times yet!
I was enthused when the minister in the video which was assigned to us to watch extended an invitation to the couple being married that she would be available for questions over the course of their marriage. I think this is wonderful and something that perhaps is missing for many married couples. To speak with a minister regarding a marriage problem is very different from approaching a friend or family member.
When a loved one passes away, initially there is a lot of support for the individuals who are grieving – some kind of funeral service, friends and family calling, flowers, prayers, cards. As time passes, this support can often lessen. I would imagine the same could be true for marriage. There is a huge build-up of anticipation, excitement, and preparation for the wedding day and friends and family are more often than not involved in this. The vibrations are generally high on the wedding day. But what happens one, five, ten, twenty years on?
I really like the concept of the third round of the Lavan. I can see that if a couple opens their home to the community, their marriage and relationship will also be served by the community. We generally don’t live in community as much these days and perhaps this makes a sustainable marriage more challenging?!
I was once engaged to be married. This led me to explore the questions posed in this assignment in great depth in recent years. On this exact day one year ago, as I sit writing this assignment, I cancelled my plans to be married. It feels very divinely timed to be reflecting and writing on these questions exactly one year on. I don’t really know why I changed my plans and yet in the same breath I know exactly why I did. Reflecting on that relationship, I can see that we were so focused on marriage being a spiritual union that we overlooked the human, householder aspect which is a vital part of a marriage. It is said that “Marriage is a carriage that will carry you to the realization of your destiny.” But we need to be rooted, strong, balanced, and open in our lower chakras in order to be able to access our higher centres. I discovered that a relationship without the deep, strong roots needed to create a solid, grounded foundation, struggles to be a carriage.
I believe that when a marriage is nurturing and nourishing for both souls, it does become a carriage for each individual to become greater than he or she could ever be alone. And when this happens, the whole world is blessed by this gift!
Journey into the Heart of Sikh Dharma is a tele-course that starts in September 2019 and allows participants from around the globe to meet twice a month by phone to learn, uplift, support and grow as individuals and as a community. This unique course offers tools and wisdom to explore and apply to your life. We welcome everyone - whether you are a seeker, a Sikh, a Kundalini Yoga teacher or student. By learning from an array of great presenters and a supportive group of peers, your life can blossom in a profound, transformational way. You will integrate what you learn by sharing, reflecting, and expressing your truth as it unfolds. Give yourself the gift of time and space and join this precious journey.
Registration opens May 13th. Please visit JHSd.org for more information. Like us on Facebook: journeyintotheheartofsikhdharma and follow us on Instagram @jhsd_org