In the
traditional sense one would have a bichola (matchmaker) from your village
looking for a match. The parents would agree on the alliance and the bride and
groom would usually respectfully agree with their parents. This traditional
kind of arranged marriage isn't outdated, or too old-fashioned, but for many
reasons, many people don’t want to, or aren’t able to, follow this tradition. Nowadays
in the west, many Sikhs do have arranged marriages, and others go for “love
matches”.
Some, however, have found it frustrating to find a match because of
the sheer lack of GurSikhs in their area. We may know thousands of single
people but few of those may have the same dedication to Guru Gobind Singh’s
lifestyle as we do. What happened to the good old days when the bichola did all of the looking for us?
So how does one find a match in today’s Sikh Diaspora?
Over the holiday season I was at a
3HO camp which incorporates yoga and Sikhi. This year
at the camp there was a ‘singles night’, and I remember being very apprehensive
about it. Honestly, I was just plain embarrassed to be seen there. It seemed
weird to me. I wondered how this idea fits into Sikhi etc. then I decided to go just
to see for myself what it was about, and overcome my embarrassment, because I had
nothing to lose.
So I attended the singles night. There was a circle of women
facing outward and another outer circle of men facing them, and we would have a minute or two to talk
to the person in front of us and then the circle would rotate. At first I felt quite awkward, and most of the
single women were much older than me. Well I just took the opportunity to
connect to each person as a soul and not be attached to a flirtatious manner or
romantic construct.
As the session went on I talked to a bunch of cool people
and made some connections, and friends. I didn’t find ‘the one’ in this meeting
but it was a lot of fun. I think it was a good way to meet people with similar
values, because my strategy of waiting for the perfect Amritdhari wife to fall
out of the sky hasn’t worked for me so far. I would like to point out that I don’t
like the idea of dating and this was not “speed-dating”, this was rather a speed
meeting. There is nothing inappropriate about it, as there might be with the
western dating scene with which most of us are familiar.
So basically what I would like to share is that I wasn’t open to it at first but then once I tried it I realized I didn’t compromise my Sikhi, I met some cool people, and I had a lot of fun. Next time maybe I’ll meet my future wife.
I, for one, would like to commend the efforts of the Sevadar behind GurSikh Speed Meeting. I work at SikhNet and I know that this anonymous Sevadar has put a lot of time and energy into helping others find their match. She herself is married, but she remarked that when she was single, she would have found this a great way to meet her husband. She basically organizes these meetings in many cities and then we at SikhNet post the information on our site for her. Once the event is over, she donates the proceeds to SikhNet. I think it is an awesome way of doing things and I wish more people would do it in different locations. Then the Gursikh Speed Meetings wouldn’t all be happening in the USA East Coast area (where she lives,) and the task of organizing them wouldn’t rest solely on this Sevadar who is a busy working mother. I’ve heard about Gurdwaras in London getting involved with Matrimonials for their Sangats as well.
So we all
know that Valentine’s Day is coming up, and guess what?... There is a GurSikh
Speed Meeting in New York, NY
on February 14th. 
I would also like to request you, dear reader, to think about
doing something like this in your community, and, if you were to do a GurSikh Speed Meeting.then SikhNet will help you promote your
event We could have these events all
over the world, South America, Europe,
Malaysia, and India.
If you are interested please act fast so we can advertise it in time for
Valentines’ day. All you need is (a) enthusiasm to help people find their match;
(b) a venue – rent a hall, use someone’s house, or a room in the Gurdwara; and (c) to make
the decision and start now.
Please contact me – [email protected]