HIGHLIGHTS
Simran Kaur and Deepak Ahluwalia were married Aug. 22 in Selma
Kaur wants people to know their traditional Sikh wedding isn’t ‘exotic’ in the Valley
Many customs have endured but some, like arranged marriages, no longer common
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| Video of Deepak Ahluwalia and Simran Kaur as they take part in their traditional Sikh wedding at the Sikh Center of the Pacific Coast in Selma. Silvia Flores [email protected] |
Working to educate people about Sikh culture never stops for Simran Kaur and Deepak Ahluwalia, not even on their wedding day.
The calling has been rooted in their relationship from the start. Kaur, former western region director of The Sikh Coalition, and Ahluwalia, an immigration attorney, met during a training program for activists in Washington, D.C., in 2012 that addressed policy issues affecting Sikh-Americans.
Through Kaur’s work with The Sikh Coalition, founded on 9/11 in response to violent attacks against Sikh Americans, she tackled issues of bullying and workplace discrimination in the central San Joaquin Valley.
And so, when time came for her marriage to Ahluwalia, she saw their wedding on Aug. 22 at the Sikh Center of the Pacific Coast in Selma as another opportunity to promote understanding and fellowship among people of different faiths and cultures.
THIS IS KIND OF A LENS INTO OUR COMMUNITY.
Simran Kaur
Along with inviting The Bee to partake in the colorful festivities rich with tradition, Kaur printed out pages of information on thick paper – which doubled as small, hand-held fans – for non-Sikh guests to understand the meaning behind the many wedding customs.
One of those guests was friend Dana Srikanth of Fresno. It was her first time in a “gurdwara,” a Sikh place of worship. The informational fans were “extremely helpful.”
“I was very appreciative of that,” Srikanth says, “so we could understand what was going on and feel a part of it.”
Kaur doesn’t want their wedding to be seen as something “exotic” in the Valley. A high percentage of California’s 250,000 Sikhs live in the Valley, she says, and a majority continue to have traditional ceremonies in gurdwaras.
“I really like that aspect of it,” Kaur says, “that we’ve been able to maintain this kind of tradition and identity for so long.”
A new normal
But some things have changed. One of the biggest shifts: arranged marriages are becoming a thing of the past, Kaur says, in both America and India.
Kaur’s parents, Mohinder Singh Sandhawalia and Gurpreet Kaur Sandhawalia, had an arranged marriage and didn’t meet until their wedding day in India. They’ve been married more than 35 years.
Today, “introductions” are more normal.
Kaur’s parents introduced their five daughters and one son to possible matches, but Kaur says she never felt obligated to marry one of these people.
“I think part of that is just them adjusting with the times and the society that they also live in,” she says of the introductions.
They really like that she met and fell in love with Ahluwalia, who was also raised in the Sikh faith.
Marrying within the faith continues to be common, Kaur says, but those who don’t aren’t ostracized. Sikhs “try not to judge one another.”
Kaur is grateful that she and Ahluwalia got to choose each other.
“He’s an incredibly caring person,” she says of her new husband, who grew up in Toronto, Canada, “and I think he’s driven by the same values as me of making sure that we leave wherever we are a better place than we found it.”
Last week, they started their new life together in San Antonio, Texas, for Ahluwalia’s work as an attorney. Kaur hopes to continue social justice work there. The Sikh Coalition will continue its work in the Valley.
Some things stay the same
While she got to experience modern courtship, Kaur wanted to keep her marriage traditional.
Some western traditions have been incorporated, Kaur says, such as wedding rings and certain aspects of the wedding reception, but for the most part, Sikh marriages in the U.S. continue to be very similar to those performed in India hundreds of years ago.
(From Kaur’s parents’ home last month, brother-in-law Tej Singh Hazra adds with a sly smile, “some more traditional than others.”)
The many bridal rituals to prepare for a wedding – including bridal “mehndi” henna painting (body art made from the powder of dried plants), the application of turmeric powder to help the “skin glow,” and special bracelets placed on her wrists, marking her as a bride – made Kaur feel more connected to all the Sikh women who came before her.
Their wedding was a large affair, attended by about 500 people. Kaur says this is typical for Sikhs. Weddings are about strengthening ties within the community and asking for their collective blessing.
Friend Srikanth was struck by the strong sense of community and family.
“It was very welcoming and inclusive,” Srikanth says. “And obviously there was a strong sense of tradition.”
One of those traditions: the groom riding to the wedding on a horse.
Ahluwalia rode to the gurdwara on a white horse “like a prince arriving” in a procession of friends and family that made up a swirl of bright colors and Punjabi music.
Later, after families mingle and eat breakfast, the wedding ceremony began.
It’s the ceremony of bliss.
Simran Kaur
Kaur – wearing a long, traditional red silk dress with gold embroidery – sat beside Ahluwalia in front of the Guru Granth Sahib, the sacred scriptures of the Sikh faith. Like in the western tradition, this was the first time he saw his beautiful bride that day.
Everyone sat together on the floor to symbolize equality. Kaur’s father draped a scarf between his daughter and Ahluwalia – a symbol of giving his daughter away and the couple’s new bond – and a hymn was sung about “the journey of love beginning.”
The four stages of love were read from the Guru Granth Sahib, written in poetry, and between each vow music played. The couple circled the sacred text four times, holding onto the scarf.
“It’s about knowing yourself individually and knowing yourself in conjunction with your connection with God and with your partner,” Kaur says of the vows, “and seeing the light of God within all people.”
Sikhs believe after marriage, they share a soul with their beloved.
“That makes me feel happy,” Kaur says.
After the ceremony, more hymns are sung and “parshad” (sweetened flour) is distributed from a bowl to all attendees as a “blessing for all friends and family gathered to share in the abundance just received with humility.”
The throwing of rice also happens in Punjabi tradition, just a little differently. After lunch, Kaur returned to her parents’ home to throw rice into the house to signify that it may remain prosperous.
The wedding was a treasured new experience for Srikanth.
“Traditions are important, no matter what your culture is, so you shouldn’t necessarily be afraid of something you don’t understand,” Srikanth says. “I believe that at the core of all of us – no matter your race, religion or color, what have you – we are all the same.”
And, love is universal.
Thinking of her wedding guests, Kaur says, “I would like people to go away with that feeling of bliss and contentment.”