Voices of Shabad: A Reflection by GAAVANI
In honor of the 350th commemorative year of Guru Tegh Bahadur, GAAVANI continues its special essay series on SikhNet, featuring reflections from Sikh women on their personal journeys with Sikh spirituality and the living presence of the Guru’s Shabad.
In this next essay, the author reflects on how Gurbani becomes a calming companion for the anxious mind, guiding us through moments of uncertainty and reminding us of the deeper truth beyond the illusion of control.
Launched on International Women's Day (March 8), this series shares a new reflection every two days, inviting the Sangat to reconnect with the wisdom and living presence of the Guru’s Shabad in everyday life.
A cooling balm for the anxious mind
The Companion
The first antam sanskaar I can recall clearly, the deaths were sudden and violent. The sangat, left unmoored by supposed worldly securities, gathered to seek guidance in the darbar of our Guru. A bright summer day meant the back doors to the gurdwara were thrown open wide with picnic blankets laid out across the grass under the undotted blue sky. As the hall was filled beyond capacity, I joined the other bibiaan behind Guru Sahib’s palki sahib, listening to the voices join in a unison lilting melody to recite Salok M:9. A baani complied with its own history of endings and shaheedi, that day it closed a sehaj paath completed by a sangat searching for answers, but also marked the return of several aatme to Parmatma.
My teen self searched the Sikhi to the Max translation for answers, my Gurbaani comprehension mainly limited to what had been conveyed to me in Khalsa School and Gurmat camps. Still, I was struck by the English translation of one pangti in particular:
ਚਿੰਤਾ ਤਾ ਕੀ ਕੀਜੀਐ ਜੋ ਅਨਹੋਨੀ ਹੋਇ ॥
Become anxious only if the impossible occurs;
ਇਹੁ ਮਾਰਗੁ ਸੰਸਾਰ ਕੋ ਨਾਨਕ ਥਿਰੁ ਨਹੀ ਕੋਇ ॥੫੧॥
This is the way of the world, Nanak - nothing is stable. ||51||
Nothing is stable. This was a harsh pill to swallow for my 18-year-old self. In a society in which self-confidence means building up a brick wall of falsehood that we call identity, haumai comes forth as the guiding principle for decision-making, personal reflection, and even our relationship with Guru.
***
The illusion of peace is how our haumai wishes to interact with the modern world – it yearns for control. Nowadays, social media is a perfect tool to feed our illusions. It bombards us with perfectly curated, sterile images of white granite kitchens. Fashion trends move faster than our credit cards can keep track. Social events grow larger and larger to accommodate the loose ties of our follower lists and obligation while our attention spans shrink to the latest reel time limit.
The same approaches find themselves into spaces we deem Sikh as they are not magically wiped clean of haumai-driven thinking simply through mere proximity to the Guru. Instead, haumai rears its ugly head in community discussions, opportunities for seva and leadership, and our relationships amidst sangat. Our disappointment feels grander for we felt safe within the walls of the gurdwara, but we have failed to inculcate Gurmat thinking in our hearts and minds and instead embraced a stiff Sikh identity rooted in categories of belonging and missing the principles of self-destruction core to placing our head in our palm and walking the path.
I left social media several years ago. I felt my heart race each time I picked up the black mirror brick that lived next to my skin, even in sleeping hours. My thumb would stiffen as it worked to keep up with the endless scroll of content, my eyes dry and achey as they unblinkingly stared at the blue glow of the screen. This self-awareness was not immediate; it came at a cost of years trying to catch up with the illusive "carrot on a stick" of control, a supposed elevated state in which I would achieve "sehaj" because everything had come into "balance" through enough effort. The scare quotes indicate a false reality, of course. One in which wellness schemes and spirituality had been doled out as medicine for a disease in which the key poison was still being consumed daily: I-ness.
***
I returned then to the memory of Salok M:9, to ask myself, how I can go beyond the reactionary, how I could gain ‘Vision’ beyond the illusion?
As I have continued to do vichaar on Salok M:9 over the years, I came to a new understanding of ਅਨਹੋਨੀ - that which is beyond the realm of possibility. The un-happening! Each time my breath starts to catch in my throat, my pulse quickening, I try to pause and ask myself – is this in the realm of possibility? Is the only reason this feels like my world ending and a new one beginning because I had presumed a sense of stability to my haumai-driven perception of the world to begin with? The answer, of course, is always yes.
Today, I include the following rahaao pangti when I offer ardaas:
ਮੇਰੇ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਤੇਰੈ ਵਸਿ ॥
Oh Vaaheguru, everything is under your authority/control.
ਅਸਾ ਜੋਰੁ ਨਾਹੀ ਜੇ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਰਿ ਹਮ ਸਾਕਹ ਜਿਉ ਭਾਵੈ ਤਿਵੈ ਬਖਸਿ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
I have no power; however you command, in that way we are bestowed. ||1||Pause||
May I always remember that the illusion of control is just that. Any power I perceive is only a reflection of - a glimpse into - the ultimate Truth.