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Children are the true Mirror |
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Every parent has certain desires and expectations for their kids; though we love unconditionally we want our children to be better than us in every sense, in every way. It’s a tough job knowing your own weaknesses and imperfections and hoping that they will not have the same, hoping that they infact will not have any! It’s a pipe dream but one every parent really has, is that there offspring go to the next level of success, one that they could not reach themselves. For me this has been one of the most challenging things about becoming a parent. The fact that I have so many imperfections and am still trying to improve myself, makes me a little fearful of the fact that I am raising other humans! I struggle with this daily, how to balance expectations and desires of what I want my kids to be, with truly loving unconditionally and allowing them to become who they will become by themselves. Maybe its just an over thinking thought, that even without guidance they will become who they are to become, as the game of destiny will continue, yet inside I cannot help but wonder and try to teach or mold them to be a certain way. In this picture I see two proud Sikhs, wearing turbans, and in my perfect desire as adults they will be true Khalsa’s who are proud and level headed, who are fair who are not just members of society but great humans who stand for what is right, do what is right and produce a better world. In having this thought I begin to get a little depressed at my own life. What have I done that is even near that, and now I want to produce kids who will? The mirror is a scary place not just because of the way I look but because of what I know, what I know about myself, what I know about my own weaknesses and how far I have to go. At times maybe every parent feels these things, where it seems like wow this is going to be a tough job, and it’s a lot tougher than we can actually imagine. Children watch everything, they know what you say, but beyond that they know what you DO. The difference between talking and walking is where the ‘truth’ of your personality comes out. We can all talk good, some of us can even talk great, but when it comes to walking what we preach, what we say. that is action is missing. Just as we know our kids, they know us, they are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, they can read between the lines. So in a way raising children is almost like raising yourself, the act ends the superficial talk becomes pointless. After all we were kids once, we know how our parents raised us, we knew what buttons to push when, we know all their weaknesses we knew where they stood on pretty much all respects of life values. Maybe the scariest part of parenting is not just the fact that you have to be a parent, but the fact that you have to better yourself before you can expect better from anyone else. Of course its easy to lay down the law, to force a child is not difficult we can use various types of manipulations/disciplinary actions to get a desired result. We want them to share, we can enforce it, but if they see us sharing we may not have to! I find myself constantly telling my sons, don’t get mad, share, look out for each other and then how much of that have I applied in my own life? Why am I constantly preaching something that I should be just practicing? Its so odd that we have such high hopes and responsibilities on raising future humans yet we forget to raise ourselves, to better ourselves to work on our own weaknesses. When we fast forward what happens in our life, we pretty much reap what we ourselves set into action. I have to make it a point for myself to remind myself as I teach my children, I am teaching myself, as I try to instill values in them which are close to me I need to teach them to myself. They are my mirror, the mirror that is more accurate than the one I look at to get ready, they will implement what I do, not what I say, they will mimic my actions, they will struggle with the same weaknesses I do and need to overcome but my experience is only as valuable as the truth I put in it. Today at work I checked Facebook right before lunch and my wife had posted this picture of my sons on facebook. Whenever I see Sikh Children in dastaars I get reminded of Baba Zorawar and Baba Fateh Singh. It makes me realize that these kids are sons of Guru Gobind Singh. Hopefully they themselves realize this one day and join the Khalsa. I pray that the most difficult task to raise good human beings in this world of illusions, ego, temptations and desires to become 'sheep, that somehow with help of sangat and God we can truly make lions who are selfless, courageous and ones who realize that the whole world is one family :-). Beyond any materialistic gains and successes this is the most important accomplishment in life. |