| Anita Rani: my family values |
| The TV presenter on the example set by her parents and why friends can be more important than family |
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| Anita Rani: ‘I was conditioned by my parents to get up and go, and now I’m conditioning my husband.’ Photograph: Nick Cunard/Rex Shutterstock |
Friday 4 December 2015: My parents were both Punjabi Indian, but very different. My dad was from a migrant, working-class, Yorkshire family, like the film East Is East only worse, with a tin bath in front of the fire. He was only 19 when he married, 20 when I was born. My mother came from a middle-class army background, and had lived all over India. I felt sorry for my mum: her dad died just six months before she came to England, and she was expected to establish a new life in an alien culture with a new family.
My parents found common ground in wanting to provide a better life for their kids. They worked their backsides off. I was always the last to be picked up from nursery, usually asleep. Then the van headed back to their clothing factory.
My brother Kuldeep is two years younger than me. When we reached school age, Dad set aside a room for us at the factory and bought a telly. After school we trimmed threads off the padded jackets and did a bit of packing. I’m very close to Kul, but might have bullied him a little. I was bossy and a loudmouth, and just got on with stuff. He’s more shy and thoughtful.
My brother and I used to ask: “When will we be like normal kids and go home after school?” In the 90s we got our wish: manufacturing disappeared in the UK and everything went to China. My parents lost everything, and could have lost the house.
All credit to my mum that I don’t remember how things changed. As teenagers she insisted we did not leave the private schools we were settled in, and worked out something with the headteachers. I never heard my parents moan or complain, or heard my mum say she didn’t feel well.
I was a horrendous teenager. As the only brown kid in my class, I was angry my school friends were going clubbing and having boyfriends, while my Asian friends weren’t even allowed sleepovers. There were some battles, but I won.
For me, water is thicker than blood. It wasn’t my parents’ family who saved them, but their friends. That’s why my network of friends is so important. After my parents lost their factory, the husband of a woman who had sewn for them asked Dad to manage an electronics shop. My mum went back to education, and is now an interpreter at Bradford Royal Infirmary. They both taught me that there is no excuse: life throws whatever at you, and you just get on with it
Our family’s first death was my dad’s youngest brother, the artist Govinder Nazram. At Christmas 2008 he had an epileptic fit: it was completely heartbreaking and tragic. How many Asian kids have an artist for an uncle? He was the most awesome, coolest, favourite uncle in the world. He had a leather jacket and tattoos, and wore Doc Martens and eyeliner. I still think about him when I buy clothes: would Govinder like this? He was so fashionable.
When you get married you realise how your parents mess you up completely. And it’s not until you are married, that you discover which issues you will need to iron out. My parents are a driven, go-getting, wonderful couple, while my husband comes from a more chilled-out background. At first I couldn’t understand why people were still in their pyjamas at midday. This was anathema to me: why aren’t you showered and dressed? I don’t like to lie in, I like to get up early. I was conditioned by my parents to get up and go, and now I’m conditioning my husband.
Anita Rani presents Countryfile and is a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing, both screened on BBC1