Why is our community so JUDGY?

We are the ones who are negative and judgmental. Not them.

judgy-Dict (29K)Judgy. Is that a word? Yes! For real. I looked it up. Google it!

Judgy: Inclined to make judgments; judgmental

Judgement: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions

November 27, 2017: Sensible Conclusions. Hmmmmmmm Do we make sensible conclusions? Do we make conclusions? First of all, do we make sense???

I know that I am like this and I think other people are like this as well. When we meet a person for the very first time, within a matter of seconds we are able to pick up on a person's energy. We have a sense of whether this person has positive energy or negative energy. We have a sense of whether we want to open up to this person and/or if we ever want to see this person again.

However, we can sometimes be surprised. A person that seems to be narrow minded may actually be open minded and vise versa. And maybe that is because we didn't actually judge them on their energy. We judged them based on their profession or their attire or their accent or other worldly factors that may have nothing to do with how they really are as a person.

Within the Sikh community, I have been lucky, fortunate, and blessed to have friends from all different spectrums and all different walks of life. I have had friends who are Amritdhari and who are not Amritdharti. I have had friends who cut their hair, wax, shave, pluck, thread and then I have had friends who haven't removed a single hair from their body. I have had friends who are Bhaisahibs and Parcharaks and Tabla Players! And then I have had friends who haven't gone to Gurudwara in years. YEARS! I have had friends who eat meat for every single meal and have eaten every single animal known to them. And then I have had friends who are vegetarians and won't even eat a cookie if it was made with eggs. (Even chocolate chip! I know righttttt!) I have had friends who were born and raised in the United States and are completely "white washed." And then I have had friends who were born and raised in the villages of Punjab. I have had friends of all different castes and professions and backgrounds. I have had friends who go to all different types of Gurudwaras and believe in Sikhi in different ways. Everyone has their own journey, their own path, and their own way of following religion. Everyone has their own connection to Waheguru. But at the end of the day, if this person is bringing me positive energy and bringing some sort of value to my life, they will be my friend. That's it. Simple, right? Negative energy and no value? No friendship!

But with all of my experience within the community, I've been deeply disturbed at how ridiculously judgmental we are. And ironically, I have seen more judgement from the less religious side than the religious side. The less religious side is so afraid of being judged by the religious side that they in turn become negative and block out the "religious" people and any talk of religion whatsoever. How is one to grow spiritually and mentally with this attitude?

A perfect example of this would be attitudes toward Sikh Priests: Bhaisahibs, Granthis, Parcharaks, Jathas, etc., etc., . . . . we are so so so afraid of them! Why??? They are normal people! JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! Yes, they have more knowledge than us. Yes, some of them may have even reached sach khand. But at the end of the day, they are just like us. They are not smarter than us. They are not dumber than us. Sometimes, they are not more religious and/or more spiritual than us. They are people JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

When I was on the Gurudwara committee (Yes, I was on the committee. Long story. Another time. Very long story. DON'T JUDGE ME!), I interacted with the Sikh priests frequently. Some of them were a little difficult to work with, some of them were VERY difficult to work with, and some of them had my back and were legitimately the most sincere people I had ever met in my life. They enjoyed and appreciated my attempt to speak Punjabi. They would correct me and help me and in turn if I taught them a few English words, it would make them happy. Positive energy!

Once there was a kirtan at someone’s house and they wanted this particular tabla player to perform all of the religious services over there. This particular tabla player said, “I will only go if my sister (me being the sister) takes me!” I happily accepted this seva and I brought along my sister (my real biological sister lol) and another friend on this ride since we were all going to the same place. In the car, myself and this tabla player were talking about serious topics, not so serious topics, laughing and joking, and yes, we even took some selfies! My friend was shocked and surprised that I was able to talk to him so “normally.” But, why? He is a normal person! Later on at Gurudwara, her mother pulled me aside and told me not to talk to this particular Bhaisahib because he had a bad reputation and if I continue to talk to him I too would get a bad reputation.

Alas. . . . .

In this example, can you tell me who was more judgy? The tabla player/bhaisahib or my so called friend and her mother?

For my younger audience: SMH For my older audience: I'm shaking my head in disappointment.

Another time (the same year actually), a younger bhaisahib in his early twenties did a U.S. tour and he had come from India. He spoke perfect English and he understood all of the problems that our community and our youth deals with today. While he was in town, I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me and my friends. (He was cool! He had good energy!) He said yes and we planned a whole day. My close friends came along but they were very scared and apprehensive. One of them was afraid to eat meat in front of him or really talk about anything in general. He was scared and intimated. But by the end of the day, my friends realized that this Bhaisahib was super nice and cool and JUST LIKE US.

Here is my favorite real life example. Once, I told a Bhaisahib that I have a . . . wait for it. . . . boyfriend!

***Cue Indian drama zoom in zoom out feature 10 times for dramatic effect***

But this Bhaisahib/Granthi/Sikh Priest was so very cool. He spoke perfect English. He had been living in the west for over 30 years. Upon telling him about my boyfriend, this Bhaisahib said, "When it comes time for you two to get married, if you need anyone to marry you, I will be happy to do it!"
I was so happy. Once again: positive energy!
However, later on, upon hearing about this, one of my family members got super upset with me because I said the word "boyfriend" directly to a Sikh Priest.

Alas. . . . .SMH

How is a community leader supposed to lead the community if he/she doesn't even know what's going on with the community? Why not be honest with them? It's 2017!!!

Judging (35K)

Here is another real life example. I have this dear friend who is an Amritdhari. She and her husband are very active within the Gurudwara and the community. They organize kirtans and they are all over the samagam scene. Other members of the community always go to them when they want help with a kirtan or anything "religious." But, these same people will never invite them to a baby shower, bridal shower, wedding, or any get together that is non-sikhi related. Why? Judgements? Is it because my friend has a reputation built on doing awesome kirtan and nothing else? People would be surprised at the sense of humor she has. She is actually one of the funniest low key females I have ever met.

Why are we like this? Why??? Look, I get it. There are judgmental priests out there who will condemn every action you take and every word you say. I've come across them too and I understanding wanting to stay away because nobody needs that negative energy in their life. I am sure you all can give me tons of examples in the opposite direction. (Again, another blog, another time) But not everyone is like that. And when you talk to people for a just a few minutes no matter who they are, you will know. No, seriously you will know. Just follow your intuition. There are positive and negative people every where. Inside the Gurudwara and outside the Gurudwara. But if we are to automatically assume that everyone is negative without even getting to know them, then guess what? We are the ones who are negative and judgmental. Not them.

Bhull Chuk Maaf
Miss Kaur

The artist of this super cute and applicable cartoon (at the top) is none other than the talented: Vishavjit Singh! Check out his website! www.sikhtoons.com

Christine Kaur

Christine Kaur started blogging as an outlet to express the trials of relationships of second generation western born Sikhs like herself.

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