The Internet has brought both anonymity and safety to those who love to criticize others. The moment a person logs on to a discussion forum, they get filled with a unique sense of power because no one can know their real self and online, they can be whoever they want to be. A person who acts horribly in real life can look like the sweetest and most genuine person on Earth. The sweetest person can look like worst person. It is the weirdest thing. Sort of like a fake ID that turns one into a fake person.
Some of us start off on the internet with a good purpose, wanting to learn more about Sikhi, but it does not take long for us to lose sight of that purpose. Today on any given discussion forum, Sikhs have resorted to Nindyia to uplift themselves. It is no longer about learning, about becoming a better person; rather it is about being right at any cost. It is about putting another human being down so that one can feel better about oneself. To prove ourselves right at all costs we resort to nindyia of the opposite sex, different groups of Sikhs and other religions.
The moment any one mentions the weakening state of Sikhi, the blame game starts between the Singhs and the Kaurs. The Singhs feel that it’s because women aren’t teaching the children the right morals and are marrying non-Sikhs. The Kaurs feel that it’s because the Singhs aren’t taking a stance and staying firm in their Sikh and granting equal rights to the women as stated in Sikhi. Actually, both the Singhs and the Kaurs are right and we have all seen examples in our communities that prove each side right. But that’s not the point. This matter could be solved, and we could be working towards a stronger Sikhi community, if we just worked together cooperatively. But no, we aren’t working together. In fact, we aren’t even talking about the issues. Every time any issue comes up, we begin dragging the other sex down to make ourselves look better. We can’t we look past gender and admit that we have an issue and then work together as a team to fix it? Is teamwork such an anathema to us Sikhs? Would we really rather fight with each other?
Sikhs are lucky to have so many groups that work so hard to help us become better people and better Sikhs. We are lucky to have them, but we are also unlucky that they don’t collaborate with each other to make Sikhi stronger. They work with Sikhs as individuals and not with Sikhs as a whole. Our Sikh organizations need to work together to set standards for the Sikh community as a whole, so no one can divide us. But I do not see them doing that. What I do see is frustrated members of different organizations constantly doing nindyia of one another. It seems every organization has a problem with one practice or another of the other one and vice versa.
Let each of us decide to consciously rise above nindiya of one another and focus on the positive. If you do have a problem with how a particular Sikh does something, why not talk privately with him or her on that practice, without accusing and criticizing them. I suspect that nine out of ten times you probably can find something to agree on that will solve the problem.
Doing nindyia or accusing people or groups of various things will get us nowhere and sort of behavior seems to spawn more and more of the same. Nindyia divides and weakens our community. Talking things out with mutual respect brings our community together.
Nindyia not only divides us as a community but it also diminishes our standing in the eyes of the other religions of the world. In a recent trend that I have seen online in discussion forums, Sikhs have started resorting to nindiya of different religions to try and make Sikhism look better than others. In their misguided attempts to make Sikhism look better they are actually doing the opposite and taking away from the credibility of Sikhism.
I believe in two simple golden rules:
- If someone says or does against something against Sikhs, confront them directly and don’t talk behind their back.
- If someone has an issue about their religion that has nothing to do with Sikhism, just ignore it and wish them well. We have enough issues to deal with in Sikhism.
In both scenarios there is no need to do nindyia because Sikhism is above that. Sikhism is a great religion on its own and can stand strong without putting anyone down.
As Sikhs we should have the guts to deal with issues head on and have the knowledge and compassion not to put down the traditions of other religions. That’s what being a saint-soldier is.
Many times amidst doing nindiya, I find Sikhs asking why the people in the wrong are in chardikala and the good Sikhs are struggling. It is because instead of confronting the issue, we talked badly about others and took their karmas upon ourselves. Every time slander someone we are washing away their karmas for them. The people who we feel are in the wrong are usually too busy to give a hoot about us, that leaves us filled with our own karmas along with those we took on by doing nindyia of others. With so much karma we take on unnecessarily, how are we supposed to stay in chardikala?.
When you slander somebody and put somebody down, when you are jealous of somebody, and when you hate somebody - these three things will kill you. When you forgive somebody, serve somebody and act with compassion, these acts will turn you towards God.
SRI RAG, Guru Nanak Dev Ji: Slandering others is nothing but putting others’ excrement in your own mouth. The fire of anger is the outcaste who burns corpses at the burning ghat... O Baba, speak only words which will bring you honor. (SGGS Ang 15)
So let us stop doing Nindiya. Let us look within ourselves and watch our own lives improve. Let us stop nindiya and focus instead on unity of the Panth. United we stand and divided we fall.
We are grateful to those who slander us and who deceive us. Their deceitful actions give us patience. Their standards make us clear in own consciousness. Those who hate us, we are grateful to them. They taught us how to love. Those who negate us, we are grateful to them that gave us the power of fortitude. Those who are jealous of us, we are grateful to them for giving us the power of compassion. Let us have the power to always live for others. Let us have the power to always love others. Those who have slandered us and accused us openly, may we always have the power to serve them.
Sikh Panth chardikala, here we come!