Daughter Gets Done In!

Imagine a small girl trying her very best to take care of her mother's emotional and sometimes physical needs!

What an extremely heavy burden for a person of any age, especially a young child. Just when a child needs her mother's fully formed energetic and emotional body to pattern her own growth on, and when she needs the very nourishment of a mother's love, kindness, bonding, and support, the daughter is subtly but powerfully asked to be her mother's crutch, her savior.

Her mother may be insecure, poor, starved for love, feel abandoned, checked out on alcohol, drugs or may be absent due to partying, work, or even gone to the ashram all the time. Or because the mother feels inadequate, she subtly passes her own self-judgment and non-acceptance onto her daughter as self-projection--"You are never OK! You are never enough!"

Consequently, few things can happen:

The child may be left to clean up the mother's messes so-to-speak such as cover for the mom's absence or missteps, feed the mom or the whole family, keep the house, protect the mom from a partner situation such as an abusive partner, many partners, no supportive partner, and more. Danger can certainly lurk in the mother's relationships with men. Other siblings may even be left in the daughter's care. She may be prodded into producing higher and higher grades, etc., but nothing is ever enough.

Therefore, the daughter is left to fend for herself both physically and emotionally with no guidance, no nurturing to feed her heart, or no protection in this strange and scary world, or no true acceptance of who she is. Insecurity, anyone?

The result is that the daughter basically feels that she has to take care of her mother, because without her mother, there is no life support. With no life support, the child DIES--basic, simple and totally fear inducing--both overtly and covertly in a way that persistently controls her from the sub conscious. In this anti-bonding process, the mother can't fully connect with the daughter, so the daughter cannot fully connect with the mother, with herself and with being here on Earth. A habit of disconnection is created. Depression, anger and despair can ensue.

Now, this is not thought out logically at all. It is simply the way that a good number of girls have come up in life, with a lack of nurturing, and a constant fear that they are inadequate--they can never sufficiently fulfill their mother's (life-giver's) needs, and/or they are unlovable because no matter what they do, or how very good they are, they are never fully appreciated and loved for who they are.

So, a very strong energetic program becomes embedded in that child which keeps her--who is now grown into a woman blindly hooked into that very same routine within her own sub consciousness. She simply keeps trying, trying and trying with the same result, which is not much. This energetic program keeps her tied into a constant electronic current that won't let go, just as when you stick your finger in an electrical outlet, you are stuck in the injuring process.

So, not only does the child-now-a-woman persist in her own self-defeat and inadequacy, but she continues to find other people or projects to support and put her full supply of energy into those who may not return that full exchange to her. It is as though she is addicted to this behavior, even though she may become financially, emotionally and physically drained. Or she may actually excel greatly because the fear chases her to those ends, although her accomplishments may strangely be less than satisfying to her.

Then her automatic story lines may boil down to, "No matter what I do, I can never be fully loved or appreciated," or "I am exhausted, poor and overworked; ease and prosperity are unbelievable dreams," or "Down deep I am always fearful of some vague disaster or abrupt change that may occur at any moment," or "I am angry as hell that nobody can recognize me for who I am, much less love me," and more. Well, you get the idea.

Now you can really see why Yogi Bhajan told us that a woman should not have a child until she is emotionally, physically, mentally and financially secure and balanced first.

HOW TO TURN ALL THAT AROUND

Be your own detective! Become aware of what you are doing and why. Oftentimes these habits are passed down through the generations. Catch yourself in the process and change your course in that very moment.

Change by:

Immediately do Heart Breath. That takes you to neutral and begins to free you from the grip of that old program.
Use the wealth of kriyas and meditations that we have in Kundalini Yoga to neutralize the electricity of that repeating program such as "Conquer Self-Animosity" or "Eliminating Thoughts You Dislike" or my favorite habit breaking mantra "Gobinday, Mukunday, etc." and so many more.
Visualize what could be if you were actually connected to yourself and being here on Earth! Explore the full range of riches of your possible life and let the reality of that grow on you-not with neurotic clutching, but with a slow breath, neutrally allowing that vision to materialize, even as you allow the vision to change and grow over time.
In your mind, meditation, emotions and body, feel the very real presence of Adi Shakti, Divine Mother holding you and loving you. I assure you that she is always with you offering you her love. All you need to do is deeply accept it! Quite amazing.
Consciously forgive the barriers to you actually loving yourself. Forgive your mom, your relatives and other people responsible for your upbringing, and your ancestors. And most importantly forgive yourself for buying into that story.

Then begin to examine the great things that you have learned in the course of your very unique life. Appreciate what you have been through and how you have triumphed in great and small ways. I bet you will be amazed.

Be grateful for Who you are in every way! Don't leave even the tiniest portion out. Don't judge, just appreciate and get comfortable! Yum! That is how you ease into your ease.

What a journey to self/self LOVE! This is the way that we grow way beyond our limits. Just have fun and BE WHO YOU ARE!

Lots of Love, Siri-Gian Kaur