Need help

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Need help

Postby pajmeetsingh » Fri Aug 30, 2019 3:47 am

Hi my names is Pajmeet and Im from London.

Recently I have been feeling really down and broken. I was in a short relationship with someone where I thought everything was perfect and she was the one for me, she was also giving me the same sort of vibe. She decided to leave me without any reason, which broke me and I havent been the since then. I have a lot of pressure from family and society to get engaged and married as Im nearly 27 years old. I never used to pray often but would go Gurdwara every day before work. I still go Gurdwara and for the past few weeks I have been praying as well, at work and at home. Im really lost and dont know who to approach for help. Im struggling with my day to day life. I have stopped committing any sort of bad deeds that I committed such as drinking. I do not do any of that anymore and havent for over 8 months and not planning on doing it again either, dont know if Guru ji is still punishing me for those bad deeds. Im trying to get my life straight and on the good path.

Im stressed out all the time, I havent been eating proper or sleeping properly. I feel lonely like there is no one out there for me. I see other people who do a lot of bad deeds yet they get a partner easily, whereas im struggling to find someone and with the pressure of society of getting married around a certain age, its making it worse. I just need someone to talk to, that can guide me on what to do. I am open to reading any shabads, prayers or doing paath which should be done in hard times. Any help would be appreciated.
pajmeetsingh
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Re: Need help

Postby simar2310 » Sat Aug 31, 2019 10:13 pm

Hello Pajmeet ji. Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh ji.

I am very sorry about how you have been feeling recently. It hurts my heart to just read your message, and I can’t even imagine what you must actually be going through. In the past few weeks, I have also had some shaking changes in my relationship, which seems like it is over. I still don’t know what to do about it but I have just left it to God at this point, and I know that soon, an answer will come. More importantly, an answer will come for you. I just want you to know that at this point in time, both you and I are receiving the fruits of our bad karams that were done either in this life or in past ones. They are difficult to eat because we have forgotten about the bad karams that we committed and now we think the bad things are happening to us for no reason. I am really happy to hear that even despite these hardships, you are continuing to pray, go to the Gurudwara and abstain from drinking. There are several people out there who start blaming God whenever something like this happens to them. They neglect God completely and go into drugs, alcohol, and do all sorts of things. I think you are very blessed and genuinely good at heart to be keeping God in mind in these times. Guruji says that for those who restrain from sin, God blesses them four times over. You should know that better things are coming for you in the future, and they’re going to be far better than you could possibly imagine.

I want to share a few things with you from my limited understanding of this world, which can be very confusing at times. First and foremost, mostly everything in this world is temporary; everything physical most certainly is. Our pains, pleasures, relations, issues, everything. A day is going to come when none of it matters any longer. The only thing of substance in this world is God, and specifically according to Gurbani, God’s name, Naam. Keeping this reality in mind can help to neglect our problems. As far as family and societal pressure goes, just keep in mind that our culture is just as such. From a very early age, all of us, whether male or female, start getting pressurized for marriage, but what our families don’t understand is that everything will happen at the right time and is already predestined. It may not seem like it right now but you have to understand that no problem/pain lasts forever. Very soon it’ll pass and everything will be just fine.

Another thing is that, the pain won’t just pass. You will not just stop feeling it, but Guruji will also grant you the understanding that whatever happened was for your betterment, and for the best, which is just the nature of God’s will. Even when we reap the bitter fruits of our bad karams, it is for the best, because each time this happens, we come closer to God. And then when we abstain from bad deeds, we get even closer. Guru Arjan Dev Ji says in a Shabad on Ang 613, “Tum Karhu Bhala Hum Bhalo Na Jaane Tum Sada Sada Dayala”. God is always compassionate and constantly doing good for us; we just don’t see it. I don’t know about the details of your relationship and I don’t want to offend you in any way, but imagine you had gone ahead with it, gotten married and even had kids. What if things didn’t work out after all of that and you two had to part ways? It would hurt so much more, and at that point it would hurt your kids as well. If this relationship has ended now, try to recognize that it has ended for a reason and that there is someone far better for you out there than you can imagine. At the right time, which is not too far, she will come into your life and you will be so thankful to God that your previous relationship ended when it did. Also, as far as other people doing bad deeds and getting partners easily, keep in mind that it may all be just an illusion. Eventually their bad deeds will catch up to them and they will have to eat those bitter fruits. Don’t compare yourself to them. You are on the right path and you need to stay on it.

I’m also sorry that you’ve been feeling lonely. I know that feeling all too well and want to tell you that we are not alone. The Creator is within us and closer to us than our own hands even. Our minds just doesn’t want to embrace that because the nature of our minds is darkness and embracing the fact that God is present with us 24/7 will light up that darkness. God guides us much better than any humans possible could. Next time you feel lonely, try to do the Mool Mantar and say Waheguru a few times, paying close attention to the meaning of each word.
Ek Onkar - God is One, and God is everything
Satnaam - God’s name is true
Karta Purakh - God is the creator of all
Nirbhao - God has no fear
Nirvair - God has no hatred
Akaal Moorat - God is timeless
Ajooni - God is beyond birth
Saibhang - God is self-existent
Gur Prasad - By the Guru’s Grace, God becomes known to us
Waheguru - Wonderful Guru (Guru is a word made from two words “Gu” which means darkness, and “Ru” which means light, so Guru means someone or some knowledge, wisdom or divinity that takes us from darkness to light)
If you are struggling to sleep, you can try to do Kirtan Sohila. If it is in the early hours of the morning (Amrit Vela) and you still haven’t been able to sleep, you can try to do some jaap of Waheguru for a few minutes. This is something we all need to try to do. I’ve been struggling a lot with it and have had little to no success but I firmly believe doing jaap in the Amrit Vela regularly can remedy all of our problems.

One more thing that you can benefit from is Sukhmani Sahib. Here is one that has been sung exceptionally blissfully and clearly https://youtu.be/z5UKuzo0Mx0 I understand it’s very long, but keep in mind that the focus is not to listen to all of it. Even if you listen to just 5 minutes a day, that is fine. The emphasis should be on understanding what you hear. Sukhmani Sahib teaches us and informs us about some of the very fundamental truths and issues of our lives that we usually find confusing. The first Ashtpadee highlights the importance of meditating on God’s name constantly and teaches us about the immense benefits of doing so. Moreover, the language used is relatively simple to understand, but if there’s anything you don’t understand, feel free to see the translation here http://www.rajkaregakhalsa.net/download ... m-Gurm.pdf

I’m sorry if I have offended you in any way. Please forgive me if I have but I genuinely wish nothing but the best for you. Just remember that better things are coming and try not to be stressed. Be strong and have faith. Feel free to send me a private message if there is anything you want to talk about. You are not alone. God is with you and with God, nothing will ever go wrong for you.
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Re: Need help

Postby pajmeetsingh » Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:38 pm

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji gi fateh
Simar ji
I really appreciate your message, it helped me out a little. Yes i think you right if i had gone ahead with it and it didnt work out later on, it would have been much worse. I have been listening to Sukhmani sahib everyday. I have also started dojng Jaapji Sahib everyday as well. As well naam simran when I can. I also try and do ardas whenever I can, as this is tje only hope I have, which is helping me keep myself calm.
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Re: Need help

Postby simar2310 » Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:35 pm

pajmeetsingh wrote:Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji gi fateh
Simar ji
I really appreciate your message, it helped me out a little. Yes i think you right if i had gone ahead with it and it didnt work out later on, it would have been much worse. I have been listening to Sukhmani sahib everyday. I have also started dojng Jaapji Sahib everyday as well. As well naam simran when I can. I also try and do ardas whenever I can, as this is tje only hope I have, which is helping me keep myself calm.


Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh ji.
Pajmeet ji, I am very glad the message was able to help in some little way. I am also glad that you have been doing Paath, Naam Simran and Ardas. This is all that is required for us to be happy and calm in life. Keep it up and stay strong brother. Great things are coming your way.
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