Family Problems

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru

Family Problems

Postby HKaur » Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:04 pm

Hello. I'm not going to go into too much detail but basically my family has been having alot of problems probably for the last 10 years.

There are arguments and disagrements between my mum and brother. There are problems with some of my dad's side of the family, which has built up to tension. Neither myself or brother or sister are married or have any luck in finding anyone and we are reaching our late 20's and early 30's. There has been a rishta in the past but that broke off. Basically when anything goes right for us for once is goes wrong.

I feel that there is alot of negative vibe and energy within our household and something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure whether someone has done something to us like black magic or something as I try not to believe in all that stuff.

Is there a Paath or Shabad I can say that will help remove any negativity around us and remove any obstacles and will help us move forward and bring us peace and happiness?
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Re: Family Problems

Postby suji singh » Thu Feb 12, 2009 12:27 am

It is tough to manage when the family well is poisened! Listening to Kirtan and reading scriptures will no doubt help.
If you resolve to express love and respect towards everyone in the family no matter how they relate to each other,
you may cope with the situation. Avoid fights or be a spectator to fights. Speak ill of no one and avoid gossip at any cost ----show love, understanding, and respect towards everyone. Lead by example! Good Luck!
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Re: Family Problems

Postby singhbj » Thu Feb 12, 2009 6:51 am

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

I would suggest that you bring Guru Sahib jeeo to your home.
Organise an Akhand Paath or Sehaj Paath or Sukhmani Sahib Paath or Keertan program at your place.
All family members must do Seva of Paathi Singh's as well as the Saadh Sangat.

This will bring Good fortune and solve all the problems.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh
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Re: Family Problems

Postby vikramjit gurufateh singh » Thu Feb 12, 2009 11:52 am

H Kaur Ji,

Fateh Ji.

Bani is to be recited, understood and acted upon. Bani should not be treated like a mantar.

You can try being the mediator but please do keep in mind that 'fairness' should be paramount and you will have to exercise a lot of patience. If you can try making the family pray together.... Japji Sahib or Rehraas Sahib or just do Jaap. Also try going out for a picnic together off and on.

And please do not fall prey to charltons who promise that voodoo or toona or jantar mantar will make things change.

Guru Rakha
kabeer kookar ram ko mutheea maero nao ||
Kabeer, I am the Lord's dog; Moti is my name.
galae hamarae jaevaree jeh khinchai theh jao ||74||
There is a chain around my neck; wherever I am pulled, I go. ||74||
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Re: Family Problems

Postby PCJ » Thu Feb 12, 2009 12:44 pm

HKaur wrote:Hello. I'm not going to go into too much detail but basically my family has been having alot of problems probably for the last 10 years.

There are arguments and disagrements between my mum and brother. There are problems with some of my dad's side of the family, which has built up to tension. Neither myself or brother or sister are married or have any luck in finding anyone and we are reaching our late 20's and early 30's. There has been a rishta in the past but that broke off. Basically when anything goes right for us for once is goes wrong.

I feel that there is alot of negative vibe and energy within our household and something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure whether someone has done something to us like black magic or something as I try not to believe in all that stuff.

Is there a Paath or Shabad I can say that will help remove any negativity around us and remove any obstacles and will help us move forward and bring us peace and happiness?


One thing for sure, there is no black magic.

When it comes to marriage, there is a right time for this, especially among Indians and if you are living a traditional lifestyle. The longer you wait, the harder it will get to find the right match. If you are having problem with finding someone through your parents, there is nothing wrong with finding someone on you own. Once everybody is well settled, all of these conflicts go away as well.
Religion is a rebellious son of mother spirituality and religious fanatics are the worst offenders (Patits).

Religious fanatics are allergic to their own medicine.
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Re: Family Problems

Postby manvir singh khalsa » Fri Feb 13, 2009 1:24 pm

HKaur wrote:Hello. I'm not going to go into too much detail but basically my family has been having alot of problems probably for the last 10 years.

There are arguments and disagrements between my mum and brother. There are problems with some of my dad's side of the family, which has built up to tension. Neither myself or brother or sister are married or have any luck in finding anyone and we are reaching our late 20's and early 30's. There has been a rishta in the past but that broke off. Basically when anything goes right for us for once is goes wrong.

I feel that there is alot of negative vibe and energy within our household and something doesn't feel right. I'm not sure whether someone has done something to us like black magic or something as I try not to believe in all that stuff.

Is there a Paath or Shabad I can say that will help remove any negativity around us and remove any obstacles and will help us move forward and bring us peace and happiness?


Ji,

Those who help themselves, often are able to help others.

Without details of what is going on, it appears that you have a negative energy within your home environment.

You mention 'a lot of negative vibe and energy', and perhaps you can see it in waves of red aura that emanated from people, words, objects, bodily communication, each and every day.

The great thing about the Universe, the human mind, is that all negative energies can easily be smothered, or change shape or form.

The tools to do this are various. However, it would take some introspection and observation on your part to determine what exactly has developed over the past 10 years.

Have you thought of trying self help books, courses, and concepts?

Gurshabad, in my opinion, has the capacity to change self and others. However, it is difficult to tune into it, because often we use it to derive some external benefit.

In fact this article details exactly what I mean (http://www.sikhnet.com/news/window-mind)
What is it like to have the mind clear so you can see through it without distortion? It is very easy to feel and say, “I am very happy.” It is also very easy to feel and say, “I am very unhappy.” In reality you are neither happy nor unhappy. “Happiness” and “sadness” are your mental concepts. They are constructions of your mind and its projections. When the mind is clear it serves you. If you are unhappy, your mind should give you the way to be happy. If you are happy, the mind should just remind you that there is a possibility to become unhappy. You can never always be happy and you can never always be Unhappy. You must see and understand the fluctuating pros and cons, and then live through the diagonal on the line of the soul and reality between them. A clear mind helps you walk that diagonal path and be consciously you. You are supposed to remain you, come what may. That is the actual strength of your mind when it is clean and clear.


If we tune into this Shabad it affects us in unknown ways our unconscious. Our conscious must be constantly, daily, ritually focused upon positivism.

Interesting tools that may benefit you are, writing down some of the things you are grateful for in your family and family life. Write down some of your goals, and ask are yours and your families behaviours in tune with achieving them?

I also leave you with a story I have heard that I often relate:
If I may relate the story of Peace lady, who traversed many parts of Asia and Africa, and at one time stumbling upon a tribe in Africa stated thus (as I recall the story):

'In this tribe when some individual had committed some folly, or faltered in some way, what we would say as committed a mis-demeanor or thievery, the person would be placed at the village center.

In the center of the village, all the villagers would gather and surround this individual.

Now what I saw was nothing unlike what I had expected, not a stoning, or pelting with vegetables.

Rather, the tribe would describe all the qualities of the individual that they wish to see, or has been lost by committing this folly. They would describe that they like to share happiness with them, that they are good at this, or that. They would surround the person with praise for good things they done in the past, and offered further praise for continuing those such things. They would continue to exhaust all of the good things they could about that one person.

After this, when all is done, the tribe would celebrate. The person is ultimately forgiven, and re-integrated into the community, rather being shunned. They would be asked to do service to the community of village as reprisal for their wrong act'


Well wishes
Gurfateh!
Be inspired, appreciate your life, and love others as you find divinity within them, Blessings.
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Re: Family Problems

Postby davindervirk » Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:18 am

I have question my dad is a alcoholic for that last 15 years but my mom did everything in her power to help out my dad with his alcoholic disease but nothing has change so my question what can you do if all elements have failed
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Re: Family Problems

Postby manvir singh khalsa » Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:21 am

davindervirk wrote:I have question my dad is a alcoholic for that last 15 years but my mom did everything in her power to help out my dad with his alcoholic disease but nothing has change so my question what can you do if all elements have failed


Ji, it is saddening to hear such a situation

May I open the field for comments:

Have you made efforts not to sink to the low levels that this activity/behaviour is capable of reducing one to?

For example, is the home environment full of love, happiness and contentment beyond that of the low level energies of this activity? Remember, the activity is low energy, not the individual who may have troubles and difficulties that they may not overcome unless significant change occur around them

If the house hold is in high energies, it will have a gradual stimulating effect, in my opinion.

To do this, you may want your family to use the latest in counselling therapy, psychological treatments, and self help courses.

An example would include self help course that helps one deal with negativity build up in the mind.

Can Gurbani and Gursikhi help in this in anyway, yes, in my opinion:

I will digress a little: It is unfortunate that Psychologists have the highest divorce rate amongst all people, for constantly criticizing and acting in arrogance with their closest.

If I may relate the story of Peace lady, who traversed many parts of Asia and Africa, and at one time stumbling upon a tribe in Africa stated thus (as I recall the story):

'In this tribe when some individual had committed some folly, or faltered in some way, what we would say as committed a mis-demeanor or thievery, the person would be placed at the village center.

In the center of the village, all the villagers would gather and surround this individual.

Now what I saw was nothing unlike what I had expected, not a stoning, or pelting with vegetables.

Rather, the tribe would describe all the qualities of the individual that they wish to see, or has been lost by committing this folly. They would describe that they like to share happiness with them, that they are good at this, or that. They would surround the person with praise for good things they done in the past, and offered further praise for continuing those such things. They would continue to exhaust all of the good things they could about that one person.

After this, when all is done, the tribe would celebrate. The person is ultimately forgiven, and re-integrated into the community, rather being shunned. They would be asked to do service to the community of village as reprisal for their wrong act'


The father, the husband, must have qualities that are dormant and capable of being expended in the world. We are given such challenges to discover them within ourselves, and inspire them in others. This is what Gursikhi teaches:

Gauree, Fifth Mehla:
O Brave and Powerful God, Ocean of Peace, I fell into the pit - please, take my hand. ||1||Pause||
My ears do not hear, and my eyes are not beautiful. I am in such pain; I am a poor cripple, crying at Your Door. ||1||
O Master of the poor and helpless, O Embodiment of Compassion, You are my Friend and Intimate, my Father and Mother.
Nanak holds tight to the Lord's Lotus Feet in his heart; thus the Saints cross over the terrifying world-ocean. ||2||2||115|| - Ang 203


Here, I feel the description is for the crying soul-bird within us all, and asks us to hold on to the Lord's Hem humbly begging at His door for when we are helpless...

You are the only Hope of the helpless, the meek and the poor. - Ang 1322


Gursikhi asks us to live to a higher level in this world. Amidst fire, burning, and duality, to submit to the Higher Conscious. I believe this is reflected in the concept of Aura. So do we make ourselves, so do the God like qualities reflect and emanate from us. This can be accomplished by creating environments of Love, and an environment of God's Remembrance and ultimately submitting to God's will. Do not let yourself get tangled up in the low level energies that are created by this behaviour.

Regards,

Gurfateh!
Be inspired, appreciate your life, and love others as you find divinity within them, Blessings.
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Re: Family Problems

Postby rupindersingh » Mon Oct 14, 2019 1:27 am

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh ji,

Ia m a puran gursikh guy from a simple family in india, i got married to a widow lady in oct 2016 also adopted a girl child of 3 years from her first late husband. we went abroad and got settled there, everything for running smoothly suddenly my inlaws started interfering alot and we started argueing and things were ok. suddenly my inlaw called my wife to india for a wedding in jan 2019 and after she arrived in india she stopped talking to me much and finally they called me to india in march 2019 and we lived together for 20 days and one day my father in law and his brother with two people came and started to hit me at 1 am in the midnight since than my wife is at her parents house and in between she started to talk to me and was ready to come back but her mother is not allowing her back and i am going in depression day by day coz i miss my daughter and wife please if someone can suggest something which can unite us would be a great help.
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