Advice needed - Kept a secret from boyfriend's parents

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Advice needed - Kept a secret from boyfriend's parents

Post by Guest »

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad I found this forum to express what I'm feeling and gather any answers you may be able to give me. I am a european girl (from a very open minded family and culture) in a relationship with a punjabi man (born and raised in England). I believe my boyfriend's values are very Western and we haven't actually clashed for any cultural reasons. We are very much in love and have been with each other for over three years.

My partner, although he identifies himself as punjabi, he won't necessarily compromise with the Sikh values either and it's very low key about it.

Logically, as the relationship moves forward I have raised the questions about meeting his parents a couple of times. Where I come from, your partner is welcome always, my parents in fact adore him and everyone invites you to any family event simply because my partner is dating me. Now, I know that it doesn't work like that with very traditional punjabi parents - I must say I have met everyone else from brother to cousins to friends so it's just his parents who I haven't yet met. I know that 'dating' isn't a thing within Sikhsm and that his parents won't probably be excited to hear the news but at the same time I feel really not welcomed for this being the case and sad that I won't have an open relationship with my future in laws because of cultural reasons.

I must say I have put an effort in every way, taken punjabi lessons, learnt about the culture and everything so fundamentally I have done everything and remained interested. However, this feelings always fade when I remember I'm still being 'kept a secret' from my boyfriend's parents simply cos I don't feel welcome...

What do you have advice? Whenever I have brought up the issue with my boyfriend he struggles because logically he loves us both his family and I and he wouldn't want me to not have nice feelings towards his family without having met them. But the more time goes by, the more I question whether I'll ever be welcomed or fit in...because their rejection really puts me off it given my open minded values.

Any advice is much much appreciated!!!!
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Re: Advice needed - Kept a secret from boyfriend's parents

Post by RHKAUR »

Instead of meeting the parents as his girlfriend meet them as a friend. I am sure they will still freak out but once they see all the effort you put in, learning the culture, language, religion, I am sure they will feel comfortable.

If the relationship does continue after meeting his parents, then you both should come out to them. I recommend you stay by his side for a while because he will definitely get a lot of heat from his parents.

I hope he truly loves you. Doing this way may be a better route in case he's just going through a phase. Im so sorry I understand that its really rude of me to say but many indian guys are always douche bags during their young adult age.