Everyday is a battle- Internal reflections

Spirituality, Gurbani, Naam, Bani, Bana, Simran and Seva.

Everyday is a battle- Internal reflections

Postby Disciple5 » Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:29 pm

It has been a year or more, it has been a while since I have had scissors to my hair (let alone a trim). I can’t even remember how long it has been since i’ve done so, and that’s how long it has been. Being unable to remember is a amazing thing and feeling in itself, my long (uncut) hair has become apart of who I am. I have been told by several friends, strangers and family itself to cut and trim my hair. My response is always a “no” or where i don’t want to have a arguement or have to explain myself I just remain silent, because I know i’m not going to do so. I stand infront of the mirror and stare at my face, hair and body. I know that none of it is mine, that it has been given to me as a result of my past life karma. My name is not mine either, and all I know is that I am a Sikh and I must remember how I came to be one. My Guru jis were matrys so that I could be a Sikh, they gave up their life but they refused to put scissors to their hair. To the Guru jis a Sikh cutting their hair is equivalent to the cutting of a persons limbs, which is what happened to the Guru jis. I have been guilty of cutting my limbs voluntarily and without any force to “fit in” and have healthy and beautiful hair. It seems I have done a full circle. From grades 9-12 I had decided to not cut my hair. Then from first year of University to fourth year I had cut my hair for the first time, so that I could have nice healthy and beautiful hair, and could take care of my hair and fit in. The past year, i’ve decided not to cut my hair and this time I feel like this won’t last for the next four years but for a lifetime. I had attended my University convocation with my untrimmed and uncut hair.

To be able to graduate from highschool with uncut (untrimmed hair) and from university with untrimmed hair is a feeling that I can’t explain. Although I fell off the bandwagon during my undergraduate years I know that I never want to cut my hair (trim) or anything else ever again. I will curl my hair so that I may fit in and so that my hair may appear healthy and beautiful, without having to cut my limbs at the very same time. There definitely is a solution to everything, if only we seek shall we find.

In the past I also attempted to be vegetarian for a year, and that didn’t last because I didn’t want to have to depend on injections to keep my iron levels up. I had low iron and I decided to eat meat after a year of not eating meat, being vegetarian may be something that I may decide to do one day if i’m meant to. My iron levels are normal now, and although i eat meat it is once every rare moon.

Now that’s for cutting hair and eating meat, as far as relationships and lust goes I am at a point in my life where I have dated and loved as much as I possibly could without losing my sanity and self-respect. I decided to remain a virgin through all my relationships because I want to lose my virginity to my husband, to the one that God has chosen me to be with. However, throughout the journey of my relationships I am now ready for the physical aspect of a marriage, although i’ve always been emotionally and mentally ready to love, respect, care for someone and to be loyal to someone and to learn to work with someone and compromise. My past breakups have taken place over religion, distance, parents, culture and I couldn’t handle the person I loved disrespecting me. Everything happens for a reason, and i’ve realized many things about myself as a result, I want to live and die as a Sikh, I love God , my family and my friends. I’ve learnt to respect and care for everyone, regardless of their lifestyle or deeds. I am noone to judge, my hands aren’t clean themselves. Although, some of my friends aren’t virgins, they drink, smoke, and do drugs and I don’t do any of those- I couldn’t imagine myself being friends with anyone else. Everyones relationship with God is different, and I don’t want to and nor should I judge anyone on any basis.

That’s it for now, ill be back later to report on my internal/physical spiritual journey.
Disciple5
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