The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru
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singhbj
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The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by singhbj »

The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

A timely marriage has many benefits, and a delayed marriage has many losses. Here, we will refer to some benefits of timely marriage:

1- Securing And Strengthening True Faith And Spiritualism

’Marriage’ is one of the strongest shields against the enemies of faith. During one’s youth, on one side, the attractive forces of spirit and nature, purity and virtue become more active and invite man towards himself. On the other hand, the attractive forces of instinct and sexual lust and desire awaken and call man toward one another. Each of these two attractive forces is essential and necessary and Almighty has bestowed them on man by virtue of His wisdom and benevolence, for the sake of man’s progress, maturity and completion. The invitation of each one of them must be answered positively, and the requirements of each must be fulfilled. If the attractive forces and desires of lust and sex are not properly, wisely and as Almighty has set it, answered and controlled, they would rebel and overflow and attack the positive forces of nature and spiritualism and, as they have become bold and wild, they might well ruin and destroy the positive forces !

Marriage is one of the best defensive means for youths in this battle and struggle.

Alas, what large numbers of pure and chaste youths who did not have this defensive means had their faith, piety, and entire existence annihilated, having been defeated in this battlefield !

A Sad Specimen:

Manmeet was a chaste and religious young man. He was an example of purity, modesty, and deliberateness for youths during the phases of his primary and high school education.

I sometimes envied his goodness and faith, and said to myself. “Manmeet has nearly surpassed us all and reached his destination.” He was the pivot and axis of all religious and training activities at school. And in his neighbourhood, he was the refuge spot and teacher of the children and young ones. He was a column - breaker on the fronts, in advancing against the enemy.

And he was a devotee, a worshiper at the spot of service.

He completed his high school education. I said to his family: “Find a spouse for Manmeet.” They said: “Oh no! He is still a child. Let him complete his university education and find himself a job and provide a house and means of life. Then we will think about him.”

Manmeet entered university. I occasionally reminded his family that Manmeet needed a spouse and they repeated the same reply.

After some time lapsed, he started losing his “colours” gradually, and his appearance and dress changed. His eyes, which were innocent and never caught the prohibited things steadily and gradually became careless and he got involved in casting wanton glances.

Now he has graduated from university, but he is no more the “Manmeet” that he once used to be; instead, he has turned into a wretched and sinister Manmeet who is the cause of his family and friends’ shame.

An Auspicious And Blessed Specimen:

Gurmeet was one of Manmeet’s friends. He was also a pure and pious young man. A girl who was his match became engaged to him during his secondary school education. He married and joined the university. He was a success both in his marital life and his studies. He ended the period of his university studies safely and reached the higher level of education. The higher he reached in his studies, the more complete became his faith, piety and morality. Right now, having received his master’s degree, he is busy serving at an important, responsible post. He has a prosperous life, and is the cause of the eminence and exaltation of his family, friends, and society.

Gurmeet and his family’s economic status was lower than that of Manmeet and his family. (It must not be thought that Gurmeet was of a rich family who could have him married and Manmeet’s was a poor one, so they could not. Unfortunately, this devil of ‘material thinking’ and measuring everything with the yardstick of money has become quite strong in our society!)

2-Benefitting And Enjoying A Sweet And Cheerful Youth

The spring of marriage is the duration of youth. During this span of time, man is overwhelmed by a peculiar kind of enthusiasm and cheerfulness. If this period is not made good of and utilized, then very soon the autumn of age approaches and the cheerfulness finishes up or is diminished and declines, and man can no longer completely and thoroughly enjoy and utilize the benefits of marriage.

It is the lively, young, and happy love, which contributes and grants enthusiasm and purity to life; while the dead, old and withered love does not possess any enthusiasm and purity to extend to life!

Look at the bud. How it talks to us about life and freshness and gives us the message of life, hope, and aspiration. But the old withered flower talks about depression, hopelessness, ailment, and death. Youths are like that bud, which must be used positively and benefited in this period before they are lost. And so they must erect their marital life upon a solid, strong and even foundation.

Those who, for whatever reason delay marriage until the end of youth definitely face loss and damage. If we minutely and thoroughly examine society, we shall meet many people who faced great loss due to delaying their marriage; although they themselves may not perceive what made them face all that loss.

A Sorrowful Specimen

Manmukh was of the opinion that a man must not marry till such time as he has his own personal house, car and a lot of money. He would not lend ear even to recommendations and advice. He kept persistently following his belief and worked to procure a house, automobile and plenty of money.

Then he decided to marry. But unfortunately, it was late. He was thirty years old and his body, soul, and nerves had become ailing and lean as an effect of the severe pressure and strains of work, sexual deviation, loneliness, etc. His face was wrinkled and old and he had lost some of his hair. Briefly speaking, he was not the same Manmukh that he was ten years ago. All of his enthusiasm, vigour, cheerfulness, and purity of youth had gone, and depression and impatience had taken the place of those.

He started the search for a spouse. But no sound, perfect and cheerful girl was ready to marry him. One by one, he stepped down from the height of his standards and wishes about a wife. He gave up all those ambitions and high aspirations, which he had with regard to a wife. Finally, following a lot of searching and headache, he discovered a spouse who was also like him.

Conventionally speaking, she was out of date. That girl too, on the pretexts of getting an education, learning skills and crafts and finding a spouse according to her own wrong standards and taste, had remained alone. The factors which had made Manmukh unhealthy and emaciated had affected her also, resulting in spiritual and nervous ailments. She was also around thirtyyears.

This boy and girl, who can hardly be called boy and girl married unwillingly. The result is quite clear. How could a couple, which lack courage and spirit, lead a cheerful and creative life?

Right from the beginning, differences, frigidity and seeking excuses started taking shape. And now they have a hellish life! The battle of nerves, confrontations, and struggles creates a noisy scene. They have a number of children. Such poor children, on one hand, witness the lack of courage and vigour of their parents to train them and solve their problems, and on the other, they keep viewing the constant quarrels and confrontations of their parents. As a matter of fact, such children are pitiable.

Now the house, car and money can no more help to solve any problem. This is like a medicine after one’s death!

3-Remaining Pure From Corruption And Sexual Deviations

There is hardly a factor like corruption and sexual deviation that causes so much damage to young ones. These corruptions and deviations blacken the lives of boys and girls, and incur such damage and loss upon the youth, that leaves negative effects on them for the rest of their lives.

Sexual deviation - one of which is masturbation, destroys and spoils the charm, freshness, faith, potential, talents and the existence of a man. Those who are concerned and have contact with society and the youth understand the depth of this tragedy. And they know the extent of irreversible harm and damage that is incurred upon the structure of society, families and youth by the corruption, deviation, sexual contamination and illicit relationships of boys and girls. The condition of girls who are pushed towards destruction on this course is pitiable, since they have a soft and elegant spirit. They may be involved in the chastisement of their conscience and the burden of sin and agony until the end of their lives.

One of the best and worthiest benefits of marriage is the safety of man from this dirt, corruption and deviation.

I do not want to produce the figures on corruption that exist in other societies and countries, particularly in western societies and countries, because the pen and tongue become shy in putting that forth. In addition, it is not advisable to mention all those corruption, which has blackened the face of humanity, in this book that is meant for the youth. Having said that, we must remain aware of our society and be sensitive towards its problems.

We must confess the bitter fact that: our society too has plenty of difficulties in the field of corruption of the youth. If parents do not know, they must know. If the officials of the cultural affairs, teachers, principals, and chancellors of universities do not know, they must become aware (although principally they know it). The difficulty is a big one and all of us must take steps to rectify and reform these affairs.

Dear young brother and sister, do try hard to keep yourselves pure and clean in this sensitive period of age.

Do not let the pearl of your modesty, excellence and purity go out of your hands free. The safety and security of this valuable and precious pearl is from the obligatory duties of religion and humanity. Even if your marriage is delayed, this “obligatory duty” stands valid.

Be sure that losing or blemishing this pearl would bring about repentance and regret. We have both seen many people who have been confronted with regret, repentance, and the sense of loss, melancholy, grief and sorrow following the loss of their pearl or its staining; particularly girls. Because they possess more elegant senses and spirit, girls’ modesty is relatively more than the boys. And the loss or staining of this pearl is more of a loss for them. So relatively speaking, they fall into a state of more grief and shock after its loss. So far so that even after marriage and having children, they are shocked and pained by the sense of sin and the chastisement of their conscience.

My brother and sister, do not you feel shame contaminating the pure pearl of your modesty and purity in these dirty marshes?

Oh fathers and mothers! Do you approve that your youth, who are the flowers of the life garden, are pushed into the sewer of corruption and dirt and become withered and destroyed? Are these children not the deposit of Almighty with you? Why do you delay and put off their marriages on baseless and meaningless excuses? Why do you put yourselves in annihilation with your own hands?

Let us regain our senses a bit, and take the facts into consideration. The vulnerable, sexual strains and pressures of the youths cannot be fought. A way and solution must be found and the best solution is marriage with a suitable spouse at the natural marriage age.

4-Safety From Nervous And Spiritual, Diseases

If the sexual pressures and strains are not properly channelled through legal and correct ways, they bring into existence an abundant number of nervous and spiritual ailments and diseases, which damage those systems greatly.

These pressures, along with solitude, loneliness and homelessness and on the other hand, lack of a spouse and the pressure of instinct and spiritual agony and weakness of faith (may Almighty forbid) drag one towards sexual deviation and going astray, and thereby the difficulty is multiplied, just as we have pointed out in the previous discussion that these deviations (particularly masturbation) incur heavy damage and shock to human life and the nerves.

From the psychological and psychiatric points of view, sexual deviation, not having a spouse and sexual strains are of the major causes of spiritual and moral or nervous problems. Marriage with a suitable spouse is the best and most effective method of remedy.
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KamaljitSingh
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by KamaljitSingh »

Wahaguruji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh
If my son who is 15 and a half years old(studying in 11th grade) marries a girl of ninth grade,it would be amazing.Ha Ha...!!!
Satnam Waheguru

Sewa is a bit extra that we do for the fellow beings and we may call it 'Practical Simran'.
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by icedragon »

gud post singh bj ji
sikhing guidance
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by sikhing guidance »

To the Original Poster

I find that post extremely offensive. According to your views/the post, as a 33yo female who is unmarried..i am pretty much a inadequate on every level. In life, everyones circumstances are unique. I would love to have gotten married at an earlier age..but a number of factors prevented that from happening: pursuit of career ( i was in medical school and wanted to do something for the betterment of humanity), my father passed away (i was not in the frame of mind of searching for a husband), i havent met the right person (not because of impossibly high standards, but because there was a disconnect on certain levels and differing values etc), and all happens according to God's will (though one should also try their best, god helps those who help themselves). I am also a virgin. So what do you make of me?

Please do not generalize, while i can understand that your post brings up some valid points..being over the age of 25 and being unmarried, does not make you a bad person. It doesnt mean you are picky or looking for the material aspect in relationships or people. It should be seen as a decision being influenced by what i have mentioned above. What is wrong with making a mature, informed decision that affects not only the lives of the two ppl involved, but of their families and their future children???

People have achieved success at different ages. The gurus themselves are an excellent example of age not being a factor, but instead of spirtual development being the most important thing.

Please refrain from putting up posts like these..which can cause ppl to be hurt and made to feel bad.
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KamaljitSingh
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by KamaljitSingh »

Getting ispired by this thread I opened the topic at my house for searching a suitable match for our under sixteen son.I even suggested a girl in our friendship circle who is under fourteen.It was fun filled happy happy talk.However in the present times, I feel, a boy(man) is not mature enough for marriage till he is 21.
Satnam Waheguru
Satnam Waheguru

Sewa is a bit extra that we do for the fellow beings and we may call it 'Practical Simran'.
singhbj
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by singhbj »

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Am glad that the article is creating positive impact (especially on parents).

Kamaljit Singh ji,
Marriageable age vary from one country or community to other.
This is due to prevailing social conditions.

21 years is the legal marriageable age for men in India so it should be fine.

Below is a general info. link which all should see

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age

Thanks

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh
mohitmalihi
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by mohitmalihi »

Hi, I'm a soon to be 24 year old law student. I'm gonna have to go with sikhing guidance on this one, being married at a young age is not an automatic medicine for the ailments of society. If it were that simple, then India, with its loads of marriages before the age of 21, would be heaven on earth! The Guru-jis would have simply said that peace on earth only requires the youth to be married at a young age.

But that's not the case and it will never be true. I am happy for your friend who has become a leader of his family and saddened for your other friend. However, those are only two examples and its hard to make an absolute case out of just 2 people.

sikhing guidance brings an important note and that is that the spiritual journey is a life long process. Some of us are farther along than others and some just might not be meant to attain spiritual awareness in this life, perhaps the next life. I'm studying right now also to better society because that is one of the principles I get from the Guru-jis and the true Sikhs over the centuries. And who knows, I may never find someone, but what we should remember is that we are seeking God itself, marriage alone will not make better men and women, that requires empathy and a long journey towards a higher awareness.
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Re: The Merits Of Timely Marriage And Demerits Of Its Delay

Post by topateksingh »

hi
it is really interesting now as it ever has been in "good" old days.

with the advent of internet and CDs, the children have lost their childhood at much earlier age then their fathers. In fact most of the students in grade 8 have watched/seen at least one pornographic movy or obscene pictures, cpurtesy their friends in higher grades that is grade 9 and 10, and rest of it is taken care of by the channels.

with all these bombardments on those young minds, who do not even have a right to cast vote, the only viably solution to save ones children are to find suitable partners for them at an earlier age may not be at 16, but why not by 20?

The case of sikhing guidance is unique, she was able to pull through the medical school under extremely difficult conditons is really appreciable but with the passing of time, for reasons unknown, she has not been able to settle as yet. As a grandma used to say there is one time for marriage and life time for study.

it is high time that we should seriously consider this as a viable opton and do everything in our power to save our children from unwanted evil.
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