Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do...

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juminosy
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Re: Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do

Post by juminosy »

I know you are too young and maybe this is a bit too tough for you to handle. I am not against abortion personally but I feel that if you can give your child a life then you would be a greater woman vs. if you tried to discard him/her. So, to conclude, if you feel you can do it, I would definitely suggest single parenting. I know some women in my neighborhood who have gone this way (they r definitely over 30) and from what I can tell they are very happy about their decision. Again, I know this is hard but if you can manage it, go ahead :)
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Re: Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do

Post by Guest »

Im sorry for your situation and sorry about what Im about to say, but the truth of the matter is that because he doesn't want anyone in his family to know about you and begging for you to get an abortion means that he does not ever want to be with you long term. Don't ever plan on him changing his mind. You have to accept that fact and come to terms on it. However, I don't think this guy should go unpunished either. Your punishment is that you got yourself in this predicament and will have to make a very tough decision, all of which will leave you with a lot of uncertainty, fear, and insecurities. As you mentioned you don't want to get an abortion due to your values, you will have to carry the burden of pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood alone, and sorry for the bluntness, everyone knowing your child is a bastard, which will most likely cause it to be harder for you to get married. With all this that you have to bare, why should he not be held with any responsibilities and/or punishment? Therefore, I think the best thing to do is tell his parents, as he will NEVER do it on his own. I think it is very important that you bring someone with you as well. NOT a girl friend but ideally a parent (I assume they know right?) if not both of them. That way, all of you can handle the situation like adults. The reaction of his parents towards the situation is uncertain, they could scream at you all and tell you to get out, or they could accept the baby as part of the family, they may be willing to help out with costs of the child, etc. Don't get your hopes up on any particular type of reaction though as this will be VERY hard on his family. He will be an embarrassment to them, and they will be ashamed as well. BUT his parents should still know. Don't worry about his reaction either, as he lost his chance to being honest. Trust me, his parents will NOT take this lightly and he will have some sort of punishment for it, whether you get to know about it or not. You may not want him to punished, but he needs to accept the consequences as you are. I will pray for you and your child. Best of luck! *BIG HUG*
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Dr.Kaur
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Re: Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do

Post by Dr.Kaur »

I think you can definitely ask for child support from him. it is equally his child, you should file for it and he will have to pay that of course you will need a paternity (DNA test) for that and he would not be willing to do that.
An open adoption seems the best way out. You can see your kid grow that too in a loving home you choose for him/her.
There are so many women on this women complaining about Sikh men, I wonder what has happened to our culture, I would never want a son like that who does know how to respect a woman,, women whom Baba Nanak respected - Bhand jamiye bhand nimiye bhand mangan vihayoo...
R.kaur
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Re: Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do

Post by R.kaur »

SSA To all!
Babyfriend;
I will begin by saying sorry for the predicament that you are in. I want to address you and your situation before I give my two cents to the rest of the people that replied to you. I agree with everyone when they say you are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. A baby (with or without both parents) at your age will be VERY difficult; financially, physically & emotionally. Married couples twice your age find it difficult to raise a child. You say you are a Christian and in Christianity abortions are not allowed but Babyfriend on the same token neither is pre marital sex. So if you have already broken one commandment of your faith breaking this one (abortion) for the well being of your whole world may not be as forsaken as it seems (really think about it).
It is true he will not accept your or your baby if you choose to have the baby you MUST legally bind him to take care of the child financially. It is also true that his family will take his side so that support won’t be there either (apple doesn't fall too far from its tree).
So if you take my advice as harsh as it may seem; don’t think keeping the child will somehow bring you two together forever, happily ever after story! If you are less than 13 weeks pregnant you know there is a less invasive procedure for an abortion (abortion pill, read up on it and if you haven’t passed the 13 week mark you should really hurry and make a decision). ---- Good luck Love let us know what you decide b/c no matter what it is if no one else God will be with you! ----

sikhing guidance:
I have to say I am very disheartened with your post. We cannot be defensive about things that too commonly happen in our Sikh community. Don't call it a woman’s stupidity to get into a relationship/premarital sex.... I am a Sikh girl who only dated one man in my whole life Sikh and he couldn't even stick up for me so this is our "SIKH" man for you. NOT ALL b/c my sister and girlfriends are married happily with their Sikh man but I am talking a lot of our Sikh men do such things especially with American woman. Men in general are nice in the beginning and when things don't go their way they become rude and abusing (this is in response to why girls get into relationships with men like this). They are not aware until something bad happens (duh!). The analogy you gave was pretty lame too (sorry) but you are mad b/c girls are posting things that you don't like about Sikh men but you are comparing them to a biting dog??? How does that make sense? We as human beings don't expect another Human being to be abusive to us at least that is why we get into a relationship with them (b/c we expect the best). YOU REALLY NEED TO RELAX we are not saying ALL Sikh men are like this nor are we saying it is no fault of the woman but in this situation the woman is the one that has to live with the consequences of the mistake of the two (not fair). I hope you understand what I am saying I love my people and respect them but too often do I hear stories like these and I'm sure it happens everywhere with other religions but we are talking about our people and there is no need to point fingers or get offended!
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Dr.Kaur
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Re: Unplanned pregnancy with Sikh Man, don't know what to do

Post by Dr.Kaur »

R.K you are right people become defensive when they start taking things personally, some are really very rude to the girl who is already under so much tension, not good at all..
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