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Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:00 pm
by StoneCold316
I don't want to generalize here, but this topic has even been raised on this very discussion site. This behavior seems to be more common with Indians that are originally from India, over Indians that are born in the US, England etc.

Why do Indian guys date girls out here, claim their undying love for them, tell these girls they want to marry them, sometimes even get them pregnant etc etc. And then go running back to India and have an arranged marriage, because their parents tell them to? Don't these guys have any kind of backbone and act like real men? Then they go back to these very same girls and tell them they made a mistake, are terribly unhappy with the girl they just married and want her back.

I've met many women here in LA that tell me they would never date an Indian guy, because they know they are puppets to their parents when it comes to marriage.

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 9:58 pm
by SatveerSingh
Sat Sri Akal

Yes I do agree these things happen, however its more widespread than just the indian community, rather communities within which parents have a greater decision making power upon their children, not that it is a method of control rather a form of respect that they had given to their parents and expect to receive from their children.

The thing is, Purpose/meaning/understand the point behind things is very important ... to say something is easy, but doing/living it (practicing what you preach) is something respectable. We often make promises without understanding the purpose behind them, in which case they become empty promises, Its not that we intentionally do it, and not even to say that it occurs unintentionally, rather that we get to a place without our own direction, rather depending on, and believing other's opinions/beliefs/doctrines without understanding the purpose/meaning/the roots and reasoning behind why they are they way they are ... hence it is ultimately inevitable that such a situation would arise where when we attempt to create a direction of our own that mistakes are made ... this is because our lives up till that point consisted of depending on the direction of others.

There is nothing more enlightening (other than enlightenment itself) than being in the presence of a being with purpose/direction/meaning ... and not just empty beliefs/practices. This is why we are called Sikhs, sikh is not a student or one who learns from a teacher, for a teacher can only deliver information and perhaps some knowledge. A Sikh is not an apprentice that learns from a master, for a master can only deliver knowledge and perhaps some wisdom. A Sikh is a scholar, who forges their own being and learns from the Guru, for the Guru can deliver Freedom ... freedom from the lies so the truth is revealed within the self. And the Truth is such that does not require belief ... for it just is, you can believe in lies, countless as they are, and countless as they are being told, even countless are the tellers ... The Truth is one, within which clarity/purpose/meaning/direction automatically arises, and all false belief falls away. Such is the greatness of the Satguru

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 4:30 am
by Guest
This is I doubt is specific ti Indians as these stories are seen from people of all colours and even of the same ethnicity. Its called dating I guess and this theme of a guy going out with a girl then saying that it cannot get more serious is universal across the board.

Maybe the women regardless of colour or where they are from use common sense that the guy is from another country and any way these are the risks take in dating whether you are a guy or a girl so you might get burnt and thats life, just learn from it i guess.

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:57 am
by StoneCold316
I do agree, this issue is not just within our own people. I have friends that have dated Persian, Armenian etc etc and had the same issues. Guys claiming their undying love for the girl and go running when the folks come a calling. I went to an Indian social function this weekend just gone and most of the people there were US born and raised Indians (all different religions). They said because of the Indians from India, it's made life very difficult for them, when it comes to dating outside of their culture. People reject them straight away, because they think these people will just use them for sex, until it's time to have their arranged marriage, which is not always true.

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 9:37 pm
by AM
Yes Indian guys do this as do many other middle eastern and eastern guys, even asian too.

The question really needs to be a selfish one. Why do these girls insist on not seeing the signs. Truly? So often when looking back there are a gazillion signs of this guys intentions, lack of spine, general inability to make any decisions.

Suggest that women in general needs to stop blaming the guy for taking them for a ride and stop getting on board in the first place. Really, its time women of any culture figured out that they need to set the bar high if they don't want to get stepped on. Victim mentality is so unproductive.

AM

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 9:29 am
by ImperfectSikh
StoneCold316 wrote:I don't want to generalize here, but this topic has even been raised on this very discussion site. This behavior seems to be more common with Indians that are originally from India, over Indians that are born in the US, England etc.

Why do Indian guys date girls out here, claim their undying love for them, tell these girls they want to marry them, sometimes even get them pregnant etc etc. And then go running back to India and have an arranged marriage, because their parents tell them to? Don't these guys have any kind of backbone and act like real men? Then they go back to these very same girls and tell them they made a mistake, are terribly unhappy with the girl they just married and want her back.

I've met many women here in LA that tell me they would never date an Indian guy, because they know they are puppets to their parents when it comes to marriage.
I am painfully aware of this (btw. I was born and raised in India, so I fit the stereotype rather neatly) since I had almost no dating success for a long time. Fortunately, with Waheguru's grace, I have met a non-Indian girl who I hope to make my wife soon.

There are many strange burdens we Sikh guys have to bear, especially post 9-11. However, this is a self-created one. I just wish the guys who indulge in this kind of behavior just stayed back in India.

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 9:23 pm
by TheEnlightenBeing
This guys think grass is always green on the other side. They go back & infect some more girls with their newly contracted STDs.

Re: Why do Indian guys do this?

Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:41 pm
by ImperfectSikh
TheEnlightenBeing wrote:This guys think grass is always green on the other side. They go back & infect some more girls with their newly contracted STDs.
I wonder if the moderators missed the thinly veiled racist generalization therein ?