Intercast marriage problem Please please Help !!

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Hi all, im a 28 years old sikh girl.Im in love with a hindu boy.Our relationship is 7 years old.i have told to my parents about this around 3 years ago.from that day till now im waiting that they will accept us.But no change My father is still saying NO to this relationship.My mom is bit agree.i have tried every way to convince my father.I have told my uncle and aunt to talk to him.But he is not ready to listen anybody. Im truely saying the boy is really really very good person.He will take good care of me.He is very honest cool and respectable person.He always says tht he will marry me if my parents will be agreed.But what should i do?i cant go by my parents and marry a person whom i dont know and love.And i dont want to loose love of my life.My father is saying if i really want to marry him i can go for court marriage but the condition is no one from my family will ever keep a relationship with me for whole life.But i would like to add here the boy's family is really not of that kind that i have to change my religion.they all respect my religion and have faith in Guru Granth Sahib.They are spritual than religous.they respect all religions and have no problem that i will go to gurudwara sahib after marriage. But even then my Father is not agree.Cause the boy's cast is goldsmith and ours is Jatt sikh.NOw please tell me what is right and what is wrong.How could i forget 7 years of my life and how do i leave my parents behind. im really in depression.Every second of my life goes in tension.i just think about and try to find out some solution, but there is no way. CAN ANYBODY OF YOU HELP ME OUT OF THIS PROOBLEM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.MAy Waheguru bless you all.Please help me i want to die.please help me.

we are celebrating the 62nd independence day !! but see how much independent we are.Especially the girls.we cant take decisions of our life.

tusi sab bahut giani aur smajhdar ho, meri tan aukat bhi nhi main kuch kahan, but Guru Nanak dev ji ne keha "Ik pita akes k hum barik" "Awal allah noor upaya kudrat de sab bande" fir kise naal pyar karna inna guanh kyun ho gya?pyar di koi jaat majhab nhi hunda.fir har baar kurban hi kyun hona painda? ki hmesha di trah sada pyar v dharam jaat de layi kurban ho jayega?har wari di tarah kuri nu majah gawah di tarah kise hor kille ban ditta jayega? ki padhe likhe hon de bawjud asi inne majboor haan dharam jaat de bandhana ch k jindgi di khusi pramparwan de agge kuch nhi?har baar di tarah smajh, dharam, jaat jit jaange te pyar haar jayega?

please anybody help me.

[suji singh]

Mani JI ---

As a 28 year old you are entitled to make your own decisions. After 7 years of ongoing relationship, you need to make a decision with or without approval.

Take a chance and marry anyway, court marriage if needed. One takes a chance when one marries, probability of marital success does not increase if one goes through long drawn out ceremony. Eventually, your folks will accept you if you do not waver!

None of us on this board can really make this decision for you, this is your life, you need to take control (you will ontlive folks who are standing in your way).

[soulfullofmusic]

dear Mani ji,
thanks for sharing your problem with everyone.
I can just say that you have to make your decision by yourself.
What I have realized that parents are same not only your. we have this serious problem in our religious view. of course it is a fault of our society and also some religions people who give a lot of Parvachan but never say truth of Sikhism.
But first you have to get settle your job and carrier also. you have to prove your family that you are the best and can make your serious decision by yourself.
get settle in your working life and get marry and father will understand one day and boy have to work hard on this issue too a bit. he must talk to your father gently and with respect. fathers are just afraid nothing else.
thanks for sharing
god bless u..
complete your marriage and invite us too :-)

[haynem]

I think things will be much easier, if your boyfriend convert to sikhism, since it will show all the sincerity for you and your family and additionally all the teachings of Guru granth sahibji you mentioned will apply to him. If he is not willing to convert you can draw your concusions about how much he is willing to change for you and what your future generations will be like. Anyways best of luck.

Regards.

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Thank you all !!

soulfullofmusic ji thanks a lot for giving me courage. i just want to add we both are well settled professionally. We are working in MNCs as Senior Software Engineers with very good Packages.

And for that my father is very proud of me.because basically i belong to a small village and to reach at this place really means a lot.noone from my family and realtive specially a girl is working at such a good position in very short tenure.

Everything is fine EXCEPT THIS VERY ISSUE.

im really very upset becuase of this and now also want to resign and take rest at home.

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Hello haynem ji,

Sat sri Akal

I read your point, but am sorry im disagree with you on this. As you might know in india , girl has to abide by her husband's decisions. and boy is considered superior to girl in husband wife relationship and that is the truth of india.

Even then if he is not forcing me to change my religion and convert to Hindu.Then why do i force him? do you think it is a right approach. If my family loves me so as his family.they also have some expectations from him.If his family is ready to accept me without any condition and strictness.why should i put conditions on them.My conscious does not allow me to do so. For both of us humanity is more important than a religion.

i know many people will be disagreed with me on this and will criticise me too.But thats what my conscious says.

Thanks,
[email protected]

[suji singh]

Mani Ji ---

You wrote:

Everything is fine EXCEPT THIS VERY ISSUE.

im really very upset becuase of this and now also want to resign and take rest at home

.

Resigning the job over this issue is a form of capitulation. "Victory by determination," Guru Gobind Singh preached and practiced.

As you already know, it is very difficult to update technical knowledge after an absence, a long absence for sure, since technology is changing very very fast. Sticking with the job and resolving these issues on your own will make you stronger in the long run.

[haynem]

If you are ready for your future generations to be called hindu (i mean no disrepsect) then I do not think there is anything stopping you. By the way, sikhi always makes us better human( since without spiritual guidance, human is no more than an animal). When you will look back in 20 years, you will realize, what I am saying, I do not think you will find any close sikh relative and your practice of being a sikh will be stale.

Best of luck.

[amardeep09]

Dear Sister,

You have posted a very emotional plea on this board for your intercaste marriage. First of all what you are getting into is not intercaste marriage it is an inter-religion marriage. Secondly, we are no one's to guide you because you yourself stated you are educated and work in IT MNC. You should only take advice of your parents if you have to. What help to you need from this forum? a support for your cause? which is unfair to your parents and Sikhi. As Sikhs we should not advice you against marrying outside of our religion.

The irony is that you have quoted some verses of Guru Granth Sahib ji out of context just to prove your point that you are doing nothing wrong?

Have you read and understood Guru Granth Sahib ever in the first place? If you would have you would never have been in this situation.

Your dad is absolutely right in not supporting this marriage and even if he supports it later on it will be a sacrifice for the love and happiness of his daughter. If he can sacrifice so much why cant you? is your love towards parents just one-way? will parents have to give always and expect nothing in return?

You mentioned that your to be inlaws are progressive and are very flexible in allowing you to follow you religion? are they flexible to allow your kids to be Sikhs? if yes than we salute them but you know what? this can never happen....these big talks are just before marriage because once you get into that house, it is their culture ad traditions to be followed and which is right. And dont forget to invite your dad for the first mundan ceremony of your son, he will feel so proud of you and your new culture.

Your kid if half yours and half your husband's, can your husband be open minded to raise them as Sikhs? dosent he love you so much? Believe me if you agree to this, your dad may not have any problems with this marriage.

Getting independence 62 yrs earlier has nothing to do with this, its you, your religion your parents. You may not convert but guess what your offspring will never be sikhs. You are sacrificing not just your parents happiness but so many generations of Sikhs for your "love".

FYI, I am writing this to you as your elder brother because being in IT industry myself, I have many times heard the same excuses from Sikh girls marrying a Tamil, Gujurati etc...No offence to these religions or cultures but at the end of the day, they have to mould themselves to the customs of the household they are moving into and most importantly the kids. I have never seen a single instance of kids out of such marriages being raised as sikhs.

And pls dont cite bollywood filmi dialogues to prove your love you are 28, be mature enough to realize that bollywood is not reality and they just sell fantasy.

Reality is "aad such, jugaad sach, haibi sach, Nanak hosi bhi sach" the eternal waheguru and after waheguru your parents. You defy your parents will, you defy Waheguru's will.

Get your love, hurt your parents and pay for it for generations to come.

Wake up from your emotional sleep, take a control of your life, understand Guru Granth Sahib first, take amrit and marry a Gursikh.

Good luck and take care.
Amardeep

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Hi Amardeep,

Thanks a lot for your advice and suggestion.Im already aware of all this.But dont want to argue.Just want to say "jis tan laagi so tann jane".Its not so easy dear.

I dnt want to argue on any point.just want to ask a single Question.
Suppose if the Girl is Hindu and Boy be the Sikh and both are in same situation as of mine.Would you still suggest the same?Please answer honestly.

thanks