Intercast marriage problem Please please Help !!

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru
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Re: Intercast marriage problem Please please Help !!

Post by amardeep09 »


You say you dont want to argue, yet you keep asking questions? In your very first post you were pleading for help. Help on what? from whom? who are we? I think none of us here gets directly or indirectly impacted by your decision.

You posted your plea here just to get supportive answers for your decision or story? Or some strong argument points to counter your parents arguements?

Even before I spent time and wrote my previous post I knew that this would be your next question. Your initial post and the latest one is like a feeling of dejavu for me.

I had a very good friend and colleague who was a sikh girl when I was working with Patni computers 10 yrs ago. She was in love with a guy who was a non-sikh. Since we were good friends, we had long arguements over this along with her boy friend. He came across so open that he used to say exactly the same things as your inlaws but as usual I had my reservations. My friend cited the same Gurbani verses as you and eventually they got married. We lost touch after that and after years we met again in online chat.

You know what was her first message....Amardeep you were absolutely right so many years back. All those big talks before just got lost within months of marriage. Forget being raised as sikhs, we are even forbidden from speaking Punjabi with them. Our cultures, our likes and dislikes are just out of the window and Gurudwara is like years away for me. I want to go to Gurughar but kids are not allowed so I cannot go myself.

Look inspite of many answers and counter answers, you will not agree because we are talking from two different planes. You are just thinking bollywood chocolate love which just cannot live after marriage because this is life. We have to be practical in life.
If you want to marry this person, dont post your questions here and there, be prepared to forget your 10 gurus, 4 sahibzadas and move on.

Your question now reverses on Sikh boy and Hindu girl. I never mentioned in my post that I favor this type of situation because this is unfair on hindu girl's parents.

Sikh boys and Sikh girls both have responsibility to carry forward sikhi. We were born in sikh household for a reason. God has given you so much knowledge, wisdom for a reason. Not to cite Gurbani out of context to prove some kind of chocolate love. If sikh boys and girsl marry outside and offspring are non-sikhs who will carry this torch forward?

Each one of us is responsible for this.

I know that inspite of all your parents opposition or any other arguements you will marry this guy. The best we can do here is wish good luck to you.

Jis tan lage soi tan jaane? again out of context to prove something which we are supposed to be way beyond.

Anmol M Singh
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Re: Intercast marriage problem Please please Help !!

Post by Anmol M Singh »

"Suppose if the Girl is Hindu and Boy be the Sikh and both are in same situation as of mine.Would you still suggest the same?Please answer honestly."

In either ways the next generation is the sufferer. Sikhism gives a lot of importance to Sangat. For the children to follow Sikhism, exposer to Sikh beliefs through gatherings, group kirtan or doing path in a group is important. Children grasp Sikh values much faster. That is only possible if you marry Sikh and your would be inlaws follow Sikh beliefs. Your lone following the Sikh belief after marriage along with Non-Sikh envoirnment around you will not really influence your children.

A similar point was mentioned in the katha of Sant Singh "Maskeen" Ji, that a lone person cannot do any thing. He gave an example of a stream flowing will dry up after some distance. Where as when the same stream joins with the river it can flow till it reaches the sea or the destination. With my personal experience I found it to be true.

Case 1: Non-Sikh Boy and Sikh Girl -> Children following Sikh beliefs -> Zero %

Case 2: Non-Sikh Girl and Sikh Boy -> Children following Sikh beliefs -> 5 %
(Provided the Girl knows Sikh belief and is ready to support Sikh values, which in the present era is difficult to find. Here the assumption is that the Sikh Boy himself follows Sikh values and way of life properly, which is also a matter of concern today.)
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Re: Intercast marriage problem Please please Help !!

Post by Guest »

We were all hindu before sikhism was made. if sikhism wasnt made then we will still be hindu to this day.

There are so many sikh/hindu marriages in the uk and india and parents need to realise the change and move with it.

You was born a sikh and will always be a sikh. You marry a hindu then you will learn about that to hoever dont drop who you really are and he shouldnt ask you to either.

When you have kids you can teach them both sikhism and hinduism - its no big issue - we are all human.

You only have one life and you should live it the way you want as you will never get it back! parents bring you into this world to give you life, and they should learn to let go and stop being narrow minded.