please help me tell me what to do

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru
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manu
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please help me tell me what to do

Post by manu »

sat shri akal ji, i am sikh girl 28 years old came to canada 9 years ago . my parents gave me all the time to fnish my studies and waiting until now for me to get marry. 2002 i had boy friend i took him serious he was going to be well educated and well setled i thought my parents will agree for our marriage since my sister was having hard times from her in laws she was in arrange marriage so always in my mind i was scare of arrange marriage my bf wanted to come see my parents that time my sister was going thru her divorce so i asked him for sometime then in a year he cheated on me and left me for someone elas i was hurt badly even tried to kill my self ( leared my lesson and will never do it again) i couldnt tell my family becouse they were in stress already i just stopped taking care of my self for months and months i took sleeping pills to put my self to sleep was going crazy in pain begged god to send somone for me then i met someone punjabi on line he was from chicago that time i just needed someone help me forget my past. my this friend made me smile stayed with me on phone all nights when i couldn't go to sleep or i was scare we become so close friends we talked over phone day and nights sharing our everyday lifes he was from so far but helped me like angle i felt alive again. but that time he also told me about his life he was young when his dad died no one came to help them he just went outside and did bad things to serve his family to send his sister to school and take care of his house he had bad friends he was not allow to leave his city for 7 years becouse he did some bad stuff he also got married his wife left him with his son. during all out time being toghter i was thingking and praying for him so baba ji de kirpa nal he will leave all his bad habitts and become good person. he changed him self he left his bad works and become person with good heart who help others and respect others go to gurdwara . within this time we got so close to eachother on day night talking, eating over phone, we stared to love each other and i went to chicago many times to see him, he never truned his back from me whenever i needed his help always told me to stay away from bad things. after sometime his wife came back in his house with her son and asked him to be with them, he loved me and didn;t go back to her but paid for his son every month. this person who made 5000 per week doing bad stuff started to live his life happy in 3000 job per month. he either slept in his car or stayed at his mom house but never went back to his wife she also never calls him or care about him. from last year my parents start forcing me to get marry to some well educated guy from london that they know his family very well , my bf came here met my parents they didnt like him( told me he is noting compare ot me) but just becouse of my happyness they went to him mom's house in chicago with me asked them for our wedding she asked for some time but my father tried to force it to make it fast we had really bad time in family in all this stress i was given choice to marry him by march or go to india i picked him, now he is not divorce,but he talked to her about divoce and she agreed to do so if he pays the money she ask. my parents who i belive are my god doesn't know about his past they are scared in their hearts to let me go with someone in different country they don;t know but they agreed we got our wedding date fixed all in rush got my shopping done inside my heart i was scare never felt peace about his past even i know he cares about me alot being in stress i went to future reading lady she told me i can not live happy with this person i should better marry arrange marriage, i got even more scare i went to pandit in mandir he told me he is manglik and told me mangik person only should marry another manglik or something bad could happeden to me like accident, die or have problems in family or have problems with kids. my mom and brother know now that he is manglik and i am not they are very very scare it hurts to see me my mom crying she thinks after i marry him i will have something bad happen to me they want me to think about this marriage and break it. when i see my family i know they are right on there side they want me to be happy and life long healthy life but other side i can;t leave my bf now alone five years we changed each other lifes loved each other so much i am so confuse i become selfish and told my bf that i can;t marry him he is all broken now and mad at his luck he is feeling unlucky person on world he was doing anyting to be with me and become good person, i was scare of two reasons one what pandit said other his divorce, if i tell my parents truth about his past they will never let me marry him we thought we will ask for forgiveness after please advice me what should i do i cant cheat or my family or see them scare all life and marry him or i cant see my bf going back to his bad life and live alone please help me
Karan
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Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:00 pm

Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by Karan »

Sister , i really feel for you .

The scenario that confronts you is that of a person standing by a cliff ..

My opinions are as follows (might not be agreeable to many):

As far as the pandit's/jyotish's prediction goes ,i don't think Sikhs follow it. Sikhs believe ONLY in Waheguru (God) and no one else.It is clearly mentioned in SGGS that the predictions of these pseudo-holy men are not true.

Am quoting the following lines from SGGS.
The Pandits, the religious scholars, and the astrologers study their books, but they do not understand contemplation. Everything is Your play, O True Creator Lord. As it pleases You, You bless us with forgiveness, and merge us in the True Word of the Shabad. (Page 948)

And , as far as telling your parents that he is a divorcee following is my suggestion , pray to Waheguru ,place FULL trust in Him , He Himself will create "such" a situation that your parents will come to know the guy you intend to marry is a divorcee and even then they will completely support your decision to marry him.

Do Ardaas and leave it all upto Him , He will manage it all.

Following are the quotes from SGGS :
All that happens, and all that will happen, is by His Will. If we could do something by ourselves, we would. By ourselves, we cannot do anything at all. As it pleases the Lord, He preserves us. (page 736)

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh .
manu
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by manu »

thank you brother
i felt little peace after reading your advice about pandit, but my marriage is this month just few days from now. the days are coming closer and closer so is my stress getting bigger and bigger i dont like any thing i am not happy at all for my marriage i dont have peace in my heart at all. i do pray to babi ji to help me out i even told my bf to not marry me but i am feeling guily he is all broken and asking me not to leave him other side i cant leave my parents in scare and cheat on them please pray to baba ji for me

thanks
manu
Nihal Singh Kanakpuria
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by Nihal Singh Kanakpuria »

The only thing that life can teach us or intends to teach is to let go of the past and embrace the present and prepare for future. The past that has happened and is over and you need to let go of the past about you, your bf cheating on you and about the current guy helping you out during your troubles.

About being manglik and all, Truth of the matter is that no one can "for certain" certainise future, future is by nature and virtue uncertain. if its someone's destiny to die after marriage then that will happen irrespective of the whom that person marries

With that in mind use a healthy combination of rationality and feelings to decide if you wanna marry him and can manage the complexities his past may brings to his present and his future.

Life brings in something new every second, its upto us to see it and embrace it.
Karan
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by Karan »

Sis ,i will definitely pray for you. .

Honestly speaking , while writing the previous post under-estimated the gravity of the situation.
Well , am happy that you are atleast convinced that the sayings of pandits do not make any sense.

You should accept it that its only with God's grace that you will find inner peace in such challenging times. Take this as a golden opportunity to establish with life-long relationship with God , a relation that never fails , a relation in which one is never betrayed.
Start doing Nitnem (Japji Sahib ,Jaap Sahib ,Sawayyas , Anand Sahib , Rehras Rahib , Benti Chaupai Sahib & Keertan Sohila) . All these Paaths are very powerful. Do them from a gutka which has also has the meaning of every line.
Start with Japji Sahib , do it everyday, while doing Paath also make sure that you understand its meaning. By understanding the meaning of a line it will become more interesting. Next time when you come across that line you will realize that you know the meaning of the line. By following this pattern you will be able to concentrate more on the Paath your reading , it will help keeping distraction at bay.

Devote as much time you can to do Paaths,after doing Japji Sahib for few days gradually start with other Paaths like Jaap Sahib etc etc . If you find any of the Paaths to long to complete in one sitting make sure that you complete atleast 1/4th in the 1st sitting , this will make sure that that you will complete the rest of the Paath when you get free time. If you plan to complete all the Paaths in one sitting it is likely that you might end up not doing them at-all due to lack of free time during the day.

After completing every Paath you will feel very satisfied and energetic, soon there will be a time when you realize that you feel very things are improving and you are fnding inner peace, you feel God's presence , you will feel yourself less burden.

Following are the quotes from SGGS :
The All-powerful Lord is our Sanctuary; He is the Enticer of the mind, who banishes all sorrows. All illnesses, sufferings and pains are dispelled, by chanting the Name of the Lord. Prays Nanak, please be merciful to me, All-powerful Lord; You are the Wielder of all power. (Page 249)

Coming back to your previous post,
manu wrote: .....the days are coming closer and closer so is my stress getting bigger and bigger i dont like any thing i am not happy at all for my marriage i dont have peace in my heart at all.....
Its still unclear to me if your dissatisfaction has got to do if he is a divorcee (i mean to say do you still have "even little" doubts that he might return back to his old doings after you'll get married) , if yes , then i think you should take more time into making a decision . Still you have plenty of time in your hands, nothing is lost. You can delay your marriage. All you will have to do is answer a few question , but it still pays in the long run.In the mean while you will be doing Nitnem , God will be shaping things in such a manner that you & him both will be in a win-win situation.

I know all that i am saying is very easy to talk about , but very very tough to follow. But is there any other way ??? (Doesn't appear to me atleast ! )
Make the Lord’s Name your boat, and install the Word of the Shabad as the boatman. With the Shabad installed as the boatman, the Lord Himself shall take you across. In this way, the difficult ocean is crossed. (Page 245)


Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh .
Bhoolay maarag jineh bataa-i-aa.
aisaa gur vadbhaagee paa-i-aa. ||1||

He places the one who strays, back on the Paath;
such a Guru is found by great good fortune. ||1||

-SGGS Panna 803
suji singh
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by suji singh »

Indeed, you have a long story to tell. Past is gone, future is not here yet, you need to actively live in the present.
I suggest that you postpone your marriage till you are more sure about this relationship. You need to create a life for yourself with or without marriage. Look for employment or volunteer for community work. Become more active.
Put your education to work. Since many marriages end up in divorce or in some other trouble, you need to work on creating a life for yourself with or without marriage. You are caught between two cultures, native-Punjabi and
foriegn- Punjabi, you need to handle what is given. This is a separate reality from the one in Punjab.
manu
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by manu »

sat shri akal ji
i am really thankfull to all of you who are giving me suggestions and hopes god bless you. hoping God will do something to get me out of this stress soon,
once again thanks for your prays and suggestions
AM
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Re: please help me tell me what to do

Post by AM »

My only advise would be to find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed.
Sit for a little while and gather your thoughts into parcels.
Then ask yourself the question you need an answer to.
The first answer that pops into your mind is the way to go.
Don't look back and regret it, don't start analysing it.
You have thought this through enough.
Concentrate on your feelings about him, your family, the whole situation and go from there.
Personally I wouldn't believe what the fortune teller or pandit said.
Gut instinct is the best way to go.

Good luck.

AM
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