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Secondary infertility. Struggle

PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:35 pm
by Sarab2019
Hi all, I'm going through a very hard time right now. I know I should be granted that I have a 7 year old son who was conceived so easily. My husband and I have tried for a second for the last 3 years and today I found out IVF has failed. I feel so alone, distressed and heartbroken. I know this is the end of the road as we are 40. Just the other day my son and I were doing seva in the langar hall and some women asked if I have any more kids. When I said no, she said I must pray for another. How much praying can I do? I know people struggle and live in sadness not having any kids. But u feel so guilty for not.providing my son with a sibling. I sometimes wish I was dead. How can I seek guidance in Sikhi to overcome this pain.

Re: Secondary infertility. Struggle

PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:52 pm
by Superstar
Well, 1 kid is better than no kids. You should not feel suicidal over this minor thing. You are just making it major for no reason. Also, that lady is messed up for telling you to pray for another kid. Learn to live in hukam. If you want to pray, pray for strength to be happy with 1 child.

Re: Secondary infertility. Struggle

PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:37 pm
by loveforsikhi
Sarab2019 wrote:Hi all, I'm going through a very hard time right now. I know I should be granted that I have a 7 year old son who was conceived so easily. My husband and I have tried for a second for the last 3 years and today I found out IVF has failed. I feel so alone, distressed and heartbroken. I know this is the end of the road as we are 40. Just the other day my son and I were doing seva in the langar hall and some women asked if I have any more kids. When I said no, she said I must pray for another. How much praying can I do? I know people struggle and live in sadness not having any kids. But u feel so guilty for not.providing my son with a sibling. I sometimes wish I was dead. How can I seek guidance in Sikhi to overcome this pain.

WJKK WJKF Bhenji
I am sorry to hear of your struggles. It sounds like you really wanted another child as a sibling for your son. What devastating news that the IVF has not worked. I think your feelings of grief and heartbreak are totally understandable given the situation. Try to spend time around loved ones and people who understand. I think the prayer that needs to be said here is a prayer for acceptance of God’s will, a prayer that will give you some peace so that you are able to be in the present moment with your son. There is nothing to feel guilty about in not providing him with a sibling, because there are so many other things you can provide him with. Mata Gujri Ji and Guru Teg Bahadur Ji had one child- Gobind Rai who grew up into Guru Gobind Singh Ji. I remember hearing in katha once, that the child that is born to the mother has to do with the souls that are meant to travel that journey together, that it has to do with the desire of the parents but also the match of that child into that family. Genetically most pregnancies that miscarry are from genetic anomalies, but also I think that it makes sense spiritually then why some souls were only ever meant to travel that journey for a short time in pregnancy. I think that the importance in being able to read Gurbani and express your grief, not to hide it, or to think that just thinking positively or ignoring your feelings of desire for another child were there. It has affected you deeply of course, I think that some counselling may be beneficial for the depression but also the medicine of Gurbani and of reading through our scriptures and doing a Sehaj paath yourself to find the answers to your questions as God will present them to you and certain Angs will resonate through to your own soul. Sending lots of love.

Re: Secondary infertility. Struggle

PostPosted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:16 pm
by Sarab2019
Thank you so much for responding. I'm so glad I posted here. I really appreciate your posts and will take in what you have said. This will take some time to get through. I must learn to live in Hukam.

Re: Secondary infertility. Struggle

PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 10:56 am
by 1jyot2moorti
Adopt, if you can.
Maybe, a baby girl :-)

That way, no one will ever question the biological son's inheritance. Unfortunately, Sikh families are prone to thinking that way.