English girl with Sikh man

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English girl with Sikh man

Postby meme » Mon Sep 15, 2014 10:15 am

Hi, I hope someone could give me some advise with some difficulties I am having in my relationship.
I have recently moved to the Punjab to live with my Sikh fiance and his family. Although I have Sikh friends I have never properly experienced Sikh culture until now, and am finding it very hard to adjust to my new lifestyle.
I have always been used to an independent lifestyle even though I have always lived with my parents. I had a job, I had been to university and had quite a lot of freedom. Last May I met my now fiance while he was studying in the UK. After it became clear that we liked each other very much, and after he had permission from his father to be with me we became a couple.
As his visa expired in August of this year we both agreed that the right thing to do would be for us both to live in India with his family. This was because it would be very hard for him to stay in the UK legally and he had not seen his family in 2 years and I know he is very close to his father and missed him a lot.
I knew that things would not be easy for my, I am very close to my family and have never spent any long period of time away from home, and that the culture and environment would be completely different.
We came to India in June and since then I have been having some problems and don't know how to tackle them. Firstly, I spend all my time in the home. I really enjoy cooking (even though I'm not too good at making Punjabi dishes!) and keeping the home looking nice and tidy but I don't have much else to do. I can't watch tv or talk to many people because I cannot speak much Punjabi at all, and it feels like I am unable to do the things that I used to enjoy.
I am also having some problems with his family. His mother and sister barely ever talk to me or acknowledge me.
I am starting to feel lonely and very homesick. I love my fiance and cannot imagine ever leaving him.So I'm hoping someone can offer some advise on how to cope better in my situation.
Sorry for the long post!

In summary; I am an English girl living in India and need some advise on how to get used to my new life.
Thanks!
meme
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Re: English girl with Sikh man

Postby Nihal Singh Kanakpuria » Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:51 am

meme wrote:Hi, I hope someone could give me some advise with some difficulties I am having in my relationship.
I have recently moved to the Punjab to live with my Sikh fiance and his family. Although I have Sikh friends I have never properly experienced Sikh culture until now, and am finding it very hard to adjust to my new lifestyle.
I have always been used to an independent lifestyle even though I have always lived with my parents. I had a job, I had been to university and had quite a lot of freedom. Last May I met my now fiance while he was studying in the UK. After it became clear that we liked each other very much, and after he had permission from his father to be with me we became a couple.
As his visa expired in August of this year we both agreed that the right thing to do would be for us both to live in India with his family. This was because it would be very hard for him to stay in the UK legally and he had not seen his family in 2 years and I know he is very close to his father and missed him a lot.
I knew that things would not be easy for my, I am very close to my family and have never spent any long period of time away from home, and that the culture and environment would be completely different.
We came to India in June and since then I have been having some problems and don't know how to tackle them. Firstly, I spend all my time in the home. I really enjoy cooking (even though I'm not too good at making Punjabi dishes!) and keeping the home looking nice and tidy but I don't have much else to do. I can't watch tv or talk to many people because I cannot speak much Punjabi at all, and it feels like I am unable to do the things that I used to enjoy.
I am also having some problems with his family. His mother and sister barely ever talk to me or acknowledge me.
I am starting to feel lonely and very homesick. I love my fiance and cannot imagine ever leaving him.So I'm hoping someone can offer some advise on how to cope better in my situation.
Sorry for the long post!

In summary; I am an English girl living in India and need some advise on how to get used to my new life.
Thanks!


Meme,

I guess you hvnt lived away from home country very often and are now facing the challenges of shifting to new place and adjustment to a new culture, Migrants who shift from east to west also face similar assimilation and adjustment challenges.

I suggest that you start taking lessons on learning Punjabi, language will be one of your best tools in tackling this feeling of loneliness, emotional bonds happen and strengthen when ppl speak the same language.

Culturally Punjabi society is patriarchal, so men have a great authority in family matters and how things function, i personal think even western society is to a large extent patriarchal but women have much greater autonomy in west.
Understanding cultural differences instead of judging them will also help you understand why things are the way they are.

Also its a good idea to talk to your partner and tell him you are feeling lonely and bored at home, is there something you can do to keep yourself occupied, so push the responsibility of keeping yourself occupied on your partner instead of you, maybe teaching kids English might be a good outlet for you.

Nihal
Nihal Singh Kanakpuria
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Re: English girl with Sikh man

Postby Guest » Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:36 am

As his visa expired in August of this year we both agreed that the right thing to do would be for us both to live in India with his family. This was because it would be very hard for him to stay in the UK legally and he had not seen his family in 2 years and I know he is very close to his father and missed him a lot.
I knew that things would not be easy for my, I am very close to my family and have never spent any long period of time away from home, and that the culture and environment would be completely different.
We came to India in June and since then I have been having some problems and don't know how to tackle them. Firstly, I spend all my time in the home. I really enjoy cooking (even though I'm not too good at making Punjabi dishes!) and keeping the home looking nice and tidy but I don't have much else to do. I can't watch tv or talk to many people because I cannot speak much Punjabi at all, and it feels like I am unable to do the things that I used to enjoy.
I am also having some problems with his family. His mother and sister barely ever talk to me or acknowledge me.
I am starting to feel lonely and very homesick. I love my fiance and cannot imagine ever leaving him.So I'm hoping someone can offer some advise on how to cope better in my situation.
Guest
 

Re: English girl with Sikh man

Postby Guest » Tue Apr 21, 2015 10:46 am

Culturally Punjabi society is patriarchal, so men have a great authority in family matters and how things function, i personal think even western society is to a large extent patriarchal but women have much greater autonomy in west.
Guest
 

Re: English girl with Sikh man

Postby swarn bains » Fri May 08, 2015 2:48 pm

there is not much help anyone can provide u with. Your mother in law will behave the way she is. either endure it or???
swarn bains
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