I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru

I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby Guest » Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:46 am

So, the way things have been I've always needed the Guru's help not to mention Waheguru and here my family tell me "hey you got a girlfriend" or "go have a girlfriend". Idk if its a joke or whatever -- though the reminder of my life I've never had female attention ever, which I thank god for in good way and not either in a gay way.. just saying. However, me being single has i guess altered? my thinking to this mindset: Waheguru > Gurus > Single-lifestyle > Nitnem. The way I think or portray marriage now is just a sinful relationship worser than having a girlfriend as well as 'having sex in marriage is still a sin'. Yeah my mind is not accepting it and I can help thinking of the same thing.
You could say I don't understand love nor do I want nothing to do with it. Before you say anything, I've tried to talk to females and such, but no success, which I really accept. I've gotten very used to be on own.
I know I probably won't get married, because I'm stubborn and it's not for me. I tend stay away from girls. So me been single is that okay? Will waheguru or any of the Guru's be angry at me? and most importantly, can I enter sachkhand without being married?
If that's fine with being single for the rest of my life, then I'll be happy and not worry about women ever again or being accepted by my own Guru and Waheguru.
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby loveforsikhi » Wed Apr 20, 2016 5:23 pm

It’s not a sin for you to stay single. If that’s what gives you peace and contentment, why should you be forced to get married? You would simply be ruining the life of the person you marry, because she will be expecting commitment, sacrifice, etc. and meanwhile, you don’t want this relationship. (I think it would be different if you were dating a girl and stringing her along but not willing to get married. But you’ve mentioned you are fine with staying away from girls.) Maybe you haven’t found the right person, maybe you just don’t place value on having that type of relationship, doesn’t matter, it’s fine either way.

(Also It’s not a sin to get married, or to have sex within that marriage. The Guru Jis were married and spread the message that we don’t have to abstain from having these relationships to become more spiritual and reach God. The themselves lived a life of a householder. I’m saying this because it’s important even if you decide to stay single, to not judge anyone who has chosen to get married, and to accept that it is okay for people to get married and still live a spiritual life.)
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby Guest » Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:54 am

Your mistaken about finding the right girl -- when I said "stay away from girls" I meant like forever not finding one or the destined one or the one that'll turn up. I don't care about females anymore.. I think they should be equal yes but in my eyes I don't really care about them. If you are female then, I'm sorry but this my resolve. I've made a promise to my Guru now that I will never ever get involved with a female or go anywhere near women or even have some sort of relationship.
So I'm gonna put every ounce of my spirit into bringing that idea to reality for me. I have my reasons against marriage, especially after witnessing Sikh girls liking and having nice chit-chat with Muslim boys and some daring to go the extra mile... I won't go into that but that's not even one of the issues I seem to across. I also think that Sikh girls -- are giving a lot of shame to my Guru, that itself has just given me HORRIBLE impress of Sikh girls. On the Flip-Side of things accepting people that have been married is okay for me I'll do that, but even then marriage its just another reason to give raise to Kaam Lust; because the person will just think about the woman sleeping next to...
You can't achieve and it's impossible for you to get married and achieve Waheguru's attention because first you've gotten married and apparently God is within couples... Guess what I say to that No! How can God exist in that type of relationship? If all the husband thinks about is the wife. That's a complete no no. I say only one hand can hold the sword: and that's my call to singleness by Wahegurus Grace. Btw, "Guru" got married not an ordinary human, even then no person in this world that has been married reached Waheguru to this day forward.
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby loveforsikhi » Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:54 pm

It seems like you are solid in what you believe, anything that I or anyone else will say probably won’t change things for you here. My opinion is that the Guru Jis would not have created the Anand Karaj or supported their followers in living their life as householders if they did not have a chance to meet God after marriage, I think it is possible to achieve God’s attention while you are married and people probably have reached Waheguru after marriage. Its unfair to look down on Sikh women- to judge them and shame them is not to treat them as equals. When you shame a person, it makes them feel bad about themselves and undeserving of anything better. Rather we want to remind our sisters they are princesses and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and not reduced to objects. True empowerment is giving them the freedom to make their own decisions as equals and live their life as they choose rather than by the value systems other people force them into. They will have to live with those decisions, not you. Just like it is your choice not to have a relationship, and I believe you have the right to be single and not be pressured or forced into being in a relationship
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby Singh2000 » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:47 am

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

EverLastingSlience ji,

Loveforsikhi explained very well, but may be difficult for you to understand. You found problem with sikh girls and wants to run away from problem like in old age people run to mountain. Real Sikh is that who can face problem, find cause of problem and do some efforts to resolve problem. Only that person remembered in history, who did some action to change this world. For you game is easy because Guru is with you to guide you to bring people back on track, who lost their path.

Here is one story which helps you to understand life. “This is a story about a jug which fell into mud from Guru Nanak. Guru Nanak's sons would not pick it up; Sri Chand, the older, refused on the grounds that the filth would pollute him, and Lakshmi Chand, the younger, objected because the task was too menial for the son of a Guru. Bhai Lehna, however, picked it out of the mud without any question and objection. Guru Nanak was happy with Bhai Lehna and explained both of his son we need person like Bhai Lehana. The person who don’t go in mud to bring jug how he can clean this world which is full of filth of maya. Later Bhai Lehana ji became our second Guru by Name Guru Angad Dev ji”

Hate and running away is not solution. Try to understand the cause and do all your efforts for betterment of sikhi. Boys and Girls are all equal. You only see one side that is girls. Problem is also with boys. But there is another side which you are ignoring that is Gursikh boys and girls. Start doing company of Gursikh sangat your view will change.

Thanks
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby Guest » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:10 am

You mean to look down on -sikh women- that have converted or drink or do things that put Sikhi down. Fine, I don't even say anything to sikh girls. Plus, me looking down on them is that and the shame thing; well all of these things aren't said in-front of them or if they were to see this now, they wouldn't because they would think I'm an idiot Sikh boy. Fair enough, who cares. But I'm stating things I've seen with my eyes and even it happens they don't CARE about SIKHI anymore. If I was to say this to them, they wouldn't care in the slightest even if that was ruining their own dignity or the Guru's, I'm addressing the issue because for me Guru's aren't just Guru there are fathers. I said they should be equal yes and that my opinion's should really be able to pierce their minds anyway...
Yes I believe they should be equal, but for being equal they 51:50 us. To the point, where they do crazy things. Besides, their equality isn't stopped by me at all I've not done anything, nor I'm I reducing them to object. It should simple for them to know that 'hey your a princess and you believe it', but sometimes its that very thing, that makes them think they can do what they want and its okay because 'hey I'm no that religious' it can gone 2 ways when they do things that outrageous like drinking, clubbing or even.. converting. 1. Parents find out they get hurt by it and 2. Sikhi's reputation is put to shame by them and of course they will have to live by their own decisions. But listen, your acting as if I've done something very terrible I'm just making it obvious that they do do these things me and other sikhs do know about. I haven't taken anything away from Sikh Women nor their equality. They are still equal. As I have said before.
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby loveforsikhi » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:14 pm

EverLastingSlience wrote:You mean to look down on -sikh women- that have converted or drink or do things that put Sikhi down. Fine, I don't even say anything to sikh girls. Plus, me looking down on them is that and the shame thing; well all of these things aren't said in-front of them or if they were to see this now, they wouldn't because they would think I'm an idiot Sikh boy. Fair enough, who cares. But I'm stating things I've seen with my eyes and even it happens they don't CARE about SIKHI anymore. If I was to say this to them, they wouldn't care in the slightest even if that was ruining their own dignity or the Guru's, I'm addressing the issue because for me Guru's aren't just Guru there are fathers. I said they should be equal yes and that my opinion's should really be able to pierce their minds anyway...
Yes I believe they should be equal, but for being equal they 51:50 us. To the point, where they do crazy things. Besides, their equality isn't stopped by me at all I've not done anything, nor I'm I reducing them to object. It should simple for them to know that 'hey your a princess and you believe it', but sometimes its that very thing, that makes them think they can do what they want and its okay because 'hey I'm no that religious' it can gone 2 ways when they do things that outrageous like drinking, clubbing or even.. converting. 1. Parents find out they get hurt by it and 2. Sikhi's reputation is put to shame by them and of course they will have to live by their own decisions. But listen, your acting as if I've done something very terrible I'm just making it obvious that they do do these things me and other sikhs do know about. I haven't taken anything away from Sikh Women nor their equality. They are still equal. As I have said before.


First off, I’m sorry if that came across really strong and hurt you. You haven’t done anything terrible, and I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about yourself. I can see now that your comments come from concern for our Sikh community. It is hard to sit by and watch girls and guys alike not follow the values of Sikhi.
I just want to say a bit based on what I’ve seen, about the pressures a woman faces to try to shed some light on this. And I’m not justifying what those girls are doing. I’m just trying to understand the components involved so we can come to a solution or conclusion from it. Females deal with pressures from western culture/society to be sexual, please their man, have a man (the expectation that the worth of a woman is in being with a man), and social pressures to drink and party. In Punjabi culture, there is are the opposite pressures- not to be sexual at all, be a modest, obedient girl who pleases people, and women tend to be seen as “less than” compared to me. And our Sikh religion has values of not drinking, respecting your body, and equality. So there are many conflicting messages being sent and for a girl who wasn’t programmed to think through and decide her own beliefs and find her own identity, it’s easier to just give in to one set of values or another. In order for a person to follow Sikhi, they need to realize that their path in this life is about God and not about cultural and societal expectations, so the value systems of Sikhism need to prioritized above everything else. That means that person would have to really experience Sikhi at some point.
So how can we help these girls (and guys) now? I remember seeing a post from Guruka Singh a while back where someone was angry that everyone at their college was cutting their hair and was wondering how to deal with seeing all these people go away from Sikhi. Guruka Singh writes “Just serve everyone with a smile. Open your heart. Every person has their own relationship with their Guru. Either the Guru has chosen that person as his Sikh or not. It is between Guru Ji and that person. We cannot judge that relationship. Sometimes someone has to lose something in order to understand the real importance of it. We cannot know that. It all happens in His hukam. When we are real, direct and authentic with everyone; when we serve everyone regardless of their appearance or attitude, then, and only then, can we touch people's hearts. Transformation happens when the heart is open. Now lets talk about anger. When you feel angry it is in you. It is your anger. It is not about the object of your anger. It is about you and how you choose to react to others. So I invite you to choose NOT to react. Take that hot energy of your anger about what you feel someone SHOULD do, and use. Direct it. Use that energy to serve others. To touch their hearts with a smile instead of a scowl. A kind word instead of a rebuke. It is your choice. It is up to you. Everyone is going to do what they must do. You cannot change them. But remember... your presence, your courage and your kindness can elevate any situation.” http://answers.sikhnet.com/question/893 ... -hair-cut/
Okay so basically I get from that is that you can’t make someone see that they shouldn’t do that. Because their set of values says its fine. They need to be the ones who decide their values. And the best each of us can do is “walk the walk” and show them that we can live a good life ourselves and be a happy and fulfilled person without giving into the pressures around us. Maybe even one person sees you and how you radiate an air of positivity and come to the realization that Sikhism is more valuable than that other stuff, then it will be an amazing difference you have made in this world.
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Re: I don't want to get married? I'm Male.

Postby Gurdeep Kour » Fri Sep 11, 2020 11:54 pm

If u dont want to get marry what you did then bcoz I also don't want to get marry and don't want to stay at home becoz parents forcing me to get marry as i am a girl. Is there any guru under whom I pass my remaining life.
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