Please suggest!

Family, love, marriage, children and the relationship of ourselves to our own soul and to the Guru
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Please suggest!

Post by GroomingSikh »

Hello Blessedones,

To start with, I am not sure where I am heading!

I have 4 years old son and married from last 8 years, originally from India but in Aus now from last 5 years now. To start with, I really never wanted to leave India as I am very home loving and maybe never wanted to step out, but had to coz of family conditions. I have been out of home from last almost 18 years now.. did my Engineering, job, heading to US for 6 years (got married meanwhile), came to Aus (in 2014) and here I am with son and wife.
My motive in life has always been be with my complete family, my parents and my wife n son, however whenever I call my parents to visit my wife gets very uncomfortable as she looses 'control' on house and me! I didnt bother too much in past but recently when my parent just came she was vocal enough to say out that she wants to be alone! This is my house! This is my house! was what she keeps on saying everytime..screaming!!
My parents literally faced worst time of their lifetime! and eventually decided to just leave. back to India.
I am the only son and Honestly cant sleep at night thinking I have left my parents alone when they need me most and only coz my wife is such an evil ( per me).
I am in course of divorcing my wife and infact she is also saying the same..(if you want to be with your parents, leave me and your son! just give me roof to live under, these are her words)
I really cant live without my parents and also without my son. I just cant decide where do I head. I love my son and want my son to see Grandparents, like I did. and really want my parents to be with my son... but my wife is making it worse!

I am sure you may have many questions.. but I wanted to keep it brief and to the core of the issue.

Can you please suggest what do I do? please!.
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Harbhajan S. Sangha
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Re: Please suggest!

Post by Harbhajan S. Sangha »

It would appear that you failed to address on the tug of war between your wife & your mother since your marriage. This has gradually built up to the present situation of a BROKEN marriage. There is lack of trust and commitment between you & your wife whereby she has give you a choice to leave. You have divided loyalty to your parents & wife, instead of bringing a BALANCE to this relationships. The courts these days give mothers full custody of the children with proper life maintenance, up to age 18 years.

I suggest you seek the advice of a professional marriage counselor besides seeking legal advice to endeavor to create a win/win situation at this late stage. Caution: BROKEN HEARTS CAN SELDOM BE MENDED!​
With Divine Love & Blessings of Waheguru Ji, may you all enjoy: peace, unconditional love, light (enlightenment), health, happiness & prosperity in life !
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Re: Please suggest!

Post by topateksingh »

Dear Friend

You are in one of the most difficult situation ever faced by a man.

In your post you did not mention whether you married a girl from your family or you picked up some "gory" from US.
However whatever it is, you have to face it now.

One of the ways, is that you sit down with your wife and not only talk to her but listen to her as well. I am sure two of you together will be able to find some workable solution, after all you have lived together for more than six years. There must be some "good" in both of you.

Please spend some time with her to figure out why she feels so insecure in the presence of your parents. AS a non conventional practice, invite her parents to Australia as well as you invited your own parents so that she realizes that you have as much love and respect for her parents as you have for your own.

Another step could be to rent separate accommodation in Australia for your parents, may be just a block away, so that you along with your family could visit them regularly in the evening and spend sometime together. This will surely reduce her tension and anxiety as compared to when they are living with you.

Do not think of divorcing her so early, you will surely find another soulmate but your son will find it hard to find a new mother. Do whatever in your power to make the marriage work.

Best of Luck.
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