Hun Ki Kariye Ji?

[deepharn]

Any suggestion for this question from a friend -

"We have a very peculiar problem at hand. There are many case of Sikh girl's family asking for Anand kaaraj permission of their daughter to a non Sikh boy in Gurudwara Saheb. As per the rules laid down by Sri Guru Singh Sabha, the marriages cannot be solemnized in Gurudwara for this type of cases. There are some question that remain un answered:
The girl wants the Anand kaaraj as per Sikh rites even though she has chosen a non Sikh boy as her groom.

Is it wrong for her to demand this right?

What if the marriage is done in a hotel with Guru Saheb taken there. Will it not be a sacrilege?

What if the girl's parents insist of marriage as per Gur Maryada as an option for accepting a non Sikh boy as their son in law ?

What when a Sikh groom is cutting the beard Kes & is not a saabat soorat Sikh & the ties turban only till the Anand kaaraj ? Is it not an eye wash just to get married as per Gur Maryada.?

Why these rules are not being followed by some Gurudwara's in the same city. Where there are many Gurudwara's who go by the rule book?

There have been many cases earlier when these types of marriages have taken place & are being quoted.


Need your advise on this touchy issue. "

Any guidance JI

[kjsinghhyd]

First thought would be to stop such a thing from happening. But you can't stop anyone from taking a gift of Guru. Look at us, some of us go to Gurudwara and ask for riches, some ask for peace, some ask for food and some ask for work and money. Very few ask Satguru for Sewa, Satsangat, Darshan and Naam. Everyone with Gurprasad comes to Guru Sahib and takes what they want. That is the whole magic of Creation. Let things be, even if the daughter is parting (from household and also from Sikhi), she should go with blessings of Guru as well as Sangat.

[Punjabi G]

First we should ask ourselves if Guru Sahib ever stopped anyone from coming to gurudwara for blessings? Whoever came with such absurd notion that only Sikhs can marry in Gurudwara is beyond me. We should realize that there are plenty of options for couples to get married these days but if they or their families want to get married in Gurudwara it must be special to them. If not, they could have got married by the beach, in some fancy hotel or anywhere else.

Is some groom who stops shaving for a week before wedding, has his uncles or friends tie a turban on him and has last name Gill, Sandhu or Dhillon but can't even recite first pauri of Japji Sahib a Sikh? I know plenty of such couples and my own friends who all got married in Gurudwara and only time I ever see them in Gurudwara is attending someone's wedding. If they can get married in Gurudwara then anyone else should be able to get married in Gurudwara as well.

I think I have stated my experience on this subject before but I can describe again. I attended such wedding of a Sikh girl marrying non-Sikh guy in Gurudwara. The couple described about Sikh wedding ceremony, protocols to observe while attending Gurudwara and about Sikh traditions on their wedding blog. When the guests arrived, they also had print outs of Anand Karaj ceremony and english translation of Laavan to follow along. The groom tied turban and his side of the family and friends very respectfully came to Gurudwara and attended the ceremony. Almost everyone later on talked about how beautiful the whole ceremony was and how different it was but they were able to understand it and appreciate it. Many had no idea about Sikh wedding ceremony or traditions and this was their first time attending one. Most had never ever been to a Gurdwara either.

Now think about if this Gurudwara had followed such restriction and told the couple that they can't get married in Gurudwara. All those people who came to Gurudwara and got familiar with Sikh teachings, ceremonies would have never had the opportunity to do this. The couple would have gotten married regardless. And everyone will be talking about how narrow minded and restrictive Sikhs are! Is this what Gurbani teaches us? Whatever happened to "Ek Pita ekas ke hum barik"? Who knows if someone attending such event will get inspired and learn more about Guru's teachings. Is this really such a bad thing?

[lakwinder singh]

Sikhism has some guidelines and one of those is that a Sikh should marry a sikh only. Rehatnamas are very clear on that.
We should follow those instructions.

if one wants to marry a non sikh they have many alternatives for example conduct marriage somewhere else. Gurudwaras are for promotion of sikhism and should not be considered as picnic spots. Hence management is right not to allow inter religious marriages in Gurudwara sahibs.

[suji singh]

By definition, Gurudwara, is home of the Guru/Parmatma. Since there is ONE Parmatma for everyone, Gurudwara is for everyone. Everyone should be welcome in Gurudwara, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Budhists, ... and moreover everyone should be more than welcome to marry in the Gurudwara.

All or nothing orthodoxical thinking is counterproductive to disseminate principles of Sikhi --- we should not be standing in judgement about the percentage of Sikhi that someone wants to follow.

[Romesh Kumar]

Some one is not a Sikh.
Another one is a Sikh marrying a non-sikh. That means he/she is secular and does not follow a particular religious way.

I fail to understand why he/she/they should go to a Gurdwara or even need the presence of any scripture in their wedding ceremony !!

[lakwinder singh]

By definition, Gurudwara, is home of the Guru/Parmatma. Since there is ONE Parmatma for everyone, Gurudwara is for everyone. Everyone should be welcome in Gurudwara, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Budhists, ... and moreover everyone should be more than welcome to marry in the Gurudwara.

Everyone is welcome to Gurudwara even if one is not a sikh. But only those should be married per Anand karaj who are sikhs. There is no use to conduct marriage per teachings from Guru Granth sahib if one does not follow sikhism.

http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/secti ... leven.html

b. A Sikh's daughter must be married to a Sikh.
c. A Sikh's marriage should be solemnized by Anand marriage rites.

I fail to understand why he/she/they should go to a Gurdwara or even need the presence of any scripture in their wedding ceremony !!

Very well said. In sikhism at time of anand sanskar, a couple is asked by Granthi sahib if they are amritdharis. if one is not he or she is advised to be baptized at earliest.

[nanuckpunthee]

Is it possible other way around ? Can Sikh boy marry a non-Sikh girl in a Sikh Temple ? Or what if there is a non-Sikh couple who wants to marry in Sikh Temple with their own consent ? Are the doors of Sikhs Temples are closed for non-Sikhs ?

[Punjabi G]

Another one is a Sikh marrying a non-sikh. That means he/she is secular and does not follow a particular religious way.I fail to understand why he/she/they should go to a Gurdwara or even need the presence of any scripture in their wedding ceremony !!

The original question was regarding a Sikh marrying a non-Sikh! How did you infer that a Sikh is not particularly religious from that? I personally know Sikhs who got married to non-Sikhs and they and their spouses are very much involved in Sikh path now. That's why I am all in favor of anyone getting married in Gurdwara.

It is plausible that the non-Sikh bride or groom does not mind getting married in Gurudwara and for the Sikhs, it's obviously important that they get married in front of the Guru. Now whether you like inter-religious marriages or not is separate discussion and seems like some people are not in favor of it. But Guru never rejected anyone from seeking blessings.

As for rehat maryada, it is a guideline and it should be updated. I must point out that most Gurudwaras (thankfully) have no problem with conducting wedding ceremonies of a Sikh and non-Sikh. I have been to such ceremonies in pretty much all big Gurudwaras and therefore see no problem in finding another Gurdwara which can conduct this ceremony.

We should be careful before making up such rules and if anything Gurbani should be our guideline for such conduct. We can't force couples from marrying who they choose, but can definitely make them feel welcomed so they can come to Gurdwara knowing it's really open to all!

[Nihal Singh Kanakpuria]

Is it possible other way around ? Can Sikh boy marry a non-Sikh girl in a Sikh Temple ? Or what if there is a non-Sikh couple who wants to marry in Sikh Temple with their own consent ? Are the doors of Sikhs Temples are closed for non-Sikhs ?

The doors or Gurudwara are open to all

However I think this question is not aimed at the right direction, Question should be, Why would a Non Sikh Couple, couple who doesn't believe in Sikhism marry in a Sikh Way, what would be the importance of Sikh vows to them ?, doesn't make sense to me.

Having said that, i have seen non-Sikh couples being married in a Gurudwara. If i am not mistaken Anil Ambani and Tina Munim had lavan which happened in a plane , made sense from their perspective as they couldn't have fire lit in a aircraft.

-Nihal