SIKH GIRLS DESPISE SIKH BOYS

[gurbharti]

The way things are going it would just take few more years for Keshdhari sikhs to disappear. Its such a pity that educated sikh girls don't want to marry sikh boys. I see appearance as primary reason for this followed by quality of education sikh boys are pursuing. This is leading to sikh boys also trimming Kesh.
This also reflects on how poorly the sikh culture/ education is percolating to posterity.
If we don't do anything now it won't be long when Keshdhari sikhs would become rare sight.
May Guru help us.

Guru Fateh

Gurpreet

[TyrantStryker]

Singha, show some gumption, I know plenty of Keshadhari Sikhs where if they were living in an area where 'Sikh' girls were turning their noses at them since they didn't have a more feminine Bollywood hero look and character, they found that their was plenty of interest from girls from a non-Sikh tradition (and I say tradition not religion because if you did end up marrying a girl from a Sikh family who looked down upon kesh, you would only be passing along a fading tradition of Sikhism, not the religion itself). In this day and age the older generations assumption that 'only a mother passes on religious knowledge to the children' is complete rubbish. Co-parenting is now the norm, and not only that, specifically for Sikhs it is the male who wears the saroop and is therefore the foundation from which the children's interest in the religion will grow. It's one thing that Sikh girls are frowning upon the idea of being with a sardar, but it's simply adding another blow if Sikh males become dejected at this, that is just plain weak, and Singhs are not weak. If they don't like you, who cares?! There are girls out there who have an appreciation for the dedication and commitment a man has put into his firm beliefs, why limit yourself to simply trying to appease these self-hating 'Sikh' girls.

[Sunsingh]

Girls who practice sikhi actually prefer amritdhari men, and will only go for amritdhari men. In California, BC, Toronto, Sikhi is doing well with no possibility of any of this extinction scenario you're discussing.

the problem is simply many sikh males are gulaam (slaves) to bollywood/hollywood ideals resulting in low self esteem. They need to shake themselves free of this mental slavery by adopting Gurmat with sharda, then they won't chase girls who follow the bollywood ideals, but will only prefer to get married to those who follow Gurmat. Girls cause a problem too, but not all girls are like this, and weak minded men need to stop blaming the appearance when the problem is really them, their attitudes, their gulaami, their lack of proper education etc.

[kjsinghhyd]

You are angry, hurt or plainly unhappy. And it is not taking you anywhere. This topic will not go anywhere, there are dozens of similarly discussed things.

In the end..

Ram Naam Gunn Gaye Le Mita, Har Simrat Teri Laaj Rahe

[gurbharti]

Dear Friends

I would like to hear from young guys as how they are taking care of this problem.
I know this issue has been discussed earlier and I noted the truth is being evaded ( arguements like sikh boys are male chauvinist, partner should be compatible, destiny etc etc).
Yes a sikh is not supposed to be weak but that's an assumption in case it is believed that a child born in so called sikh family is a sikh. I would agree to the arguement if someone says Khalsa is not weak because one has to graduate to being a khalsa by controlling the weakness of mind. A sikh ( student) is supposed to be following guru, but then there are all kinds of students and in todays world there more weak students who learn after doing their kirt i.e not merely earning bread but also subject oneself to maya and check if he is immune to maya.
The problem is how does a kid may be upto an age of 30 or even beyond understand this fact. He cannont renounce maya without tasting it.
O.K Sunsingh ji weakness is with sikh boys so what do we do expel these boys from community or simply keep watching extinction of the sikh swaroop. You have just made a statement and not given any solution. Why I discuss this problem is that the identity of sikhs is getting lost and it becomes very difficult to convince the kids as they find easy way out to follow the trend.
Most of you guys in US/U.K/Canada lead relatively better life where as an average sikh in india is plagued by other problems like economic condition, Hot weather etc. therefore poor acceptability by sikh girls adds fuel to the fire.and then he questions himself that why should the onus of carrying sikh swaroop has to be on boys only ? Where as girls can go around with waxing etc.
Lastly why I discuss this is because yesterday I got the news that one of my nieces is geting maried to a non sikh boy and this was third case in row.
Let us be more practical and give more time to our kids by telling them what sikhi is all about.
Guru Fateh

[GuruKirpaNaal...]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

I will admit something today, I have always found amritdhari men to be beautiful. Yes, I mean beautiful, not handsome. They are beautiful. They are just so divine. When I spoke to my friend, who is born into a gursikh family, she gave me a dirty look and asked me to keep my Sikhi realted thoughts to myself. She then told me that guys with turbans were a "turn off."

Living in Toronto, Sikhi is big here! I would never wish to live anywhere else in the world because I would never feel as though I am a part of the sangat! If anyone inspires me to keep my Sikhi Sidak alive, then it is my young gursikh brothers and sisters! They are my very inspiration!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

~ Simran Kaur

[Khalsa.Fauj.13]

Khalsa will never End and neither will end the Sikh Panth......
By the will of Akal Purakh the Panth was created and in his will it shall end.....

[Guest]

Dear All.
the problem of girls switching to non keshdhari sikh is evident because of their upbringing. i myself have been since my childhood asked to path, sewa as it is part of sikh life. Luckily i fell in the company of Exemplary sikhs, where i understood the tru essence of all what i was doing. a more practical way. like a child going to school- the child has to be forced to go to school and later the child himself realises that this is something very essential. same way my parents forced me to do path. evening no matter where i was playing with my friends i have to report for REHRAS SAHIB at home and aftre that 30 mins of GURU SAKHIS- life stories of Guru's and prominent saints in SIKH history- were read. Slowly Gurusikhs from army started coming home and there used to be a group of 5- 7 sikhs daily at home. In this sangat i actually learned what it all meant- the way of life. and proudly i would say there were hindus and muslims i the group and we all talked about the Almighty and how should we carry on with our dutuies, etc. one Hindu fried does Japji Sahib daily 5 times. a Muslim fellow has started keeping unshorn hair and beard with turban on his head. it reminds me of Maskin ji saying in one of his kathas- there used to be more hindus and muslims in Gurudwaras before partition in his village.

present time- we see Sikhs who are 99% fanatics or sikhs who would prefer the western way of life. this all is because of our upbringing of kids. we are nobody to blame anyone. it is the defect in our prachar. I manytimes see our Christain and muslim brothers and sisters firm believers in their faith- though fanatic. And in their young age.

the tons of money at presented at Golden temple daily, where does it go- used for election campaign by the parties. look at the christains- send them a letter in a 2 Rs. envelope all their literature will be send to your mailing address free of cost.

We need to nip in the bud. work on the upbringing within our families. we cannot rely on our Jathedars, DharamGurus, etc, etc.

[Sunsingh]

O.K Sunsingh ji weakness is with sikh boys so what do we do expel these boys from community or simply keep watching extinction of the sikh swaroop. You have just made a statement and not given any solution. Why I discuss this problem is that the identity of sikhs is getting lost and it becomes very difficult to convince the kids as they find easy way out to follow the trend.
Most of you guys in US/U.K/Canada lead relatively better life where as an average sikh in india is plagued by other problems like economic condition, Hot weather etc. therefore poor acceptability by sikh girls adds fuel to the fire.and then he questions himself that why should the onus of carrying sikh swaroop has to be on boys only ? Where as girls can go around with waxing etc.

Sikhi is increasing in many areas in the west. This is due to proper prachaar, and youth taking an active interest in Sikhi from a young age. It begins wiht teh parents.

In purataan times economic conditions were much harder, so that's no excuse. Neither is hot weather. These are all pathetic excuses used by people who are weak in their sharda. They keep saroop mostly b/c that's how they were raised. There is no introspection there, no deep search for meaning, no imbibing of the Guru's teachings. instead they are surrounded by bollywood, and actively seek that out. IF you don't want to be surrounded by bollywood, just turn off the tv and turn on the bani.

Here in the west there is more maya in the schools than in India, the schools are less accepting of dharm then in India, yet sikhs here keep saroop. There were even a few attacks on keshdari men not too long ago in my area. So the challenges out here are great, it's not walk in the park.

Why do you think people manage to become doctors or lawyers??? Why do they manage to build a big house for themselves??? It's becausee these people make a decision on what is important to them, and then set out to achieve those goals.

If Sikhi is important, than a person will live by it because it is important to him. Girls see this firmness in one's identity and find it attractive. When a person lives life by his own choices for his own reasons (such as wantng to honour sikh heritage, wanting to connect with God, wanting to maintain the traditions, wanting to make the Guru happy) then that person is more likely to stick.

Girls in many homes are not raised with Sikh values, nor are they taught the reasons for them. Same for many boys. It's unlikely that the tiny thread that connects these kind of people to Sikhi will survive when teh going gets tough. Unless they choose to think for themselves and decide it's important to them...

the onus is on every sikh, not just boys. Those that don't uphold Sikh values are not sikhs, plain and simple. IF they choose to walk away from the dharm, that is their loss. perhaps they will return, after someone speaks to them with prem and knowledge. perhaps not. this is life.

Guru Gobind Singh ji himself said that Sikhi in Punjab will decrease and will later reenter Punjab from the west. This is bhana. Ultimately, Sikhi is about your relation with God, not everyone else's. And marriage depends on your karam.

[SportySardar]

I would say that there is a lot of truth to what the original poster has said. It is all fine and dandy for adults to discuss this topic on an internet board. But a boy growing up needs acceptance from the opposite sex. I will go one step further and say that it is essential for emotional well being to have interaction with opposite sex during the teen years. Non acceptance and rejection by opposite sex can have a devastating effect on the male psyche. Hormones are raging in the mind of the young boy as a teen and a young adult and there is very little he can do to control his thoughts.

How do we make sure that Sikh boys with swaroop have acceptance with girls? Here is my plan:

Emphasize physical fitness: Make sure that our boys work out and go to gym regularly. A healthy well built male is always attractive.

Proper diet: Make sure milk and dairy foods are part of diet. Lots of green leafy vegetables, soy and grains. Colas, fast foods, chocolates, sweets etc are to be avoided.

Sports: Sports are essential to proper development. I would emphasize individual sports as opposed to team sports.

Proper grooming and dressing: The transformation from a boy to a man is much harder for a Sikh boy. I remember how hard it was for me. My parents were both working and I was 17. I had no experience tying a pagri. My dad showed it to me once. After that it was trial and error. I used to end up going to college with my turban tied haphazardly, clumps of kesh coming out from the pagri. Clothes need to be neat and clean. They do not need to be expensive.

Public speaking: Public speaking is very important for self confidence. Using a firm tone of voice and being assertive to get the point across is the mark of a confident person.

Martial Arts: There should be at least one martial art practiced. This is good for mind, body and discipline.

Meditation: We need to teach our kids the benefits of meditation from a young age. Controlling the mind is key to controlling emotions.

Ultimately, it is self confidence that is attractive. We need to let young Singhs know that and help them cultivate it. They need to be assertive, bold and confident. If we as adults help young Singhs develop self confidence, that will ensure they do not have inferiority complex with opposite sex.