Enlighten Me Please!

[R.kaur]

SSA to all!
I am new to this forum and I would like to begin by saying everyone on this forum is so well versed and sightful, reading older posts have been enlightening, so thank you all.

For beginners I want to tell you all I am not the ideal Sikh. I never really prayed or went to the Gurudawara regularly (maybe I went once a month). I always felt if I was a good person with a good heart and held God in my heart I would be fine. We have the Sri Granth Sahib Ji at the house and I always bow every morning and ask for forgiveness for my lies & sins and thank God for everything I have in my life (and that is where my prayers began and ended). When I am sad or happy I never go running to God b/c I feel that is selfish. Running to God when I need something seemed selfish so I figured my thanking him and asking for forgiveness was good enough. For the past two years especially the past few months a lot has changed in me and around me. Now I suddenly feel I was going about my life the wrong way and making very wrong decisions. I realized I do have to run to God and I do have to go to Gurudawara and I do have to take time out to pray. Here is my question:

Q: Now that I feel like I have no control over my life and situations in my life am I being selfish turning to God (oppose to when I should have turned to him)? I won’t lie, a lot has gone wrong and all of a sudden I feel the need to give up and turn to God. I know that is not a bad thing but is it me being selfish? As I am writing this I feel like I am losing a battle in my mind about what I thought a “Good Sikh” meant. Am I really becoming that “Good Person = Good Sikh” I always thought I was? I would love to hear from you all and I hope to get the inspiration I am seeking.

Lastly pula chaukhan di mafi! I was raised in the U.S and I’m sure I have spelled many of the Punjabi words incorrectly and if I have said anything offensive when referring to God please forgive me as I am ignorant to it! (feel free to correct me)

[swarn bains]

To go and beg from God when needed is the real selfishness. I see that you are contemplating something which is beyond your control. So control your mind and live with it and be content with what you got. Do not look at others basket. You will be happy

[Dr.Kaur]

it would be good if you give us a hint of as to how serious the condition is and what has gone wrong, well all that happens happens according to God's will, we all move in his 'Raza' even a leave can not move out of his order so why do you think you did something wrong, there are these testing times in everyone's life and believe me if the good times did not last so won't the bad ones, "Dukh daru sukh rog peya' (Rehraas sahib) you are not at all selfish don't even think that, if we have any problem whom do we turn to? mom, dad, spouse? God is everything "tu mera pita tu hai mera maata, tu mera bandhap, tu mer bharata' so go pray to God to give you strength to face bad times with courage and succeed as Guru Gobind singh ji's proud child, always remember 'Tera kiya meetha laage'
Well I pray to God even for small things when I am distress like if I loose my key,, i just talk to God like - it would be nice if some one can open the door for me but do as you like as you know the best and guess what happens - my land lord comes and he has masterkey to all the apartments in the building,, these small things keep your trust up, so I remember him if I am happy or i am sad as I know what is happening is what he thinks is best for me,
remember tera kiya meetha lage and you will always be happy

[R.kaur]

Dr. Kaur;
Thank you for your words, I can't even explain to you how much it means to me. You are absolutely right If I don't run to God who else will I go to! I am slowly but surly figuring out God is the only one that can help me. As for what is wrong in my life isn't anything that out of this world, I suffer from a broken heart but that is not what I repent in today's date. I was in a 6 yr relationship (only one I've ever been in) and the guy married someone else: he did it for his parents but the whole time he knew he wasn't going to stay with her and in turn kept me in limbo for 2 years. This is what I wallow over. I intentionally (unintentionally of hurting anyone), selfishly stayed with him knowing he was married and in the process probably ruined this girls life. I am no longer talking to the guy or even want to be with him b/c I realized I was so wrong but he refuses to live happy with her and is leaving his whole life in the hopes of me coming back to him ( I get to know these things from mutual friends). I have made it clear I can't and dont' want to be with him any more and that I want him to keep that girl happy but he doesn't listen. Do you think until he doesn't accept his wife and makes her happy I will never find peace in my life? I want to say everything I did I did out of love and till this day I don't hate him I just want him to be happy with his wife. I pray for forgivness, I pray for peace of mind, pray for mental strength and pray for that girls happiness. What else can I do?

[Dr.Kaur]

Ok go to a meditation class just for a change, go out with friends and don't think about all this, I know u will think about it at night when you are all alone in pith darkness but try diverting your mind with art/ music/ kirtan what ever you like during the day and at night when you feel restless recite 'Mai aaur thao nahi jis pai karu benanti, mera dukh sukh tud he paas' then when you start feeling better start doing your 5 baani path daily, I paint Guru nanak dev ji's pic when I feel lonely or sad while listening to live kirtan on Sikhnet, try to listen to kirtan all the time, you will fell enlightened, volunteer, keep a pet and help every one in need it may be an animal at humane society or a senior at a nursing home. I feel if my puppy listens to kirtan with me all day long, he will be freed from 84 too,, 'Pashu pret mughad ko taare pahan paar utare'

What ever happens happens for better, it is your turn to move closer to God, if you move one step towards him, he will move, he will come thousands of steps forward to receive you 'Charan sharan gur ek painda jaye chal, satgur kot painda aage hoye lait hai'
that guy was not made for you so you are not together and trust me you deserve a lot better, tell your friends not to talk to you about him, what he is doing is paap if he thinks about anyone else but his wife 'par beti ko beti jaane, par istri ko maat vikhane' please don't support him ever in his wrong deeds.

[VeeruS]

Coming to God is nothing more than finding peace from within yourself.

As far as being a good person goes, everyone has his or her own definition of being good under influence from religion, society and personal beliefs.

There is no way that someone could set a limit on how good of a person someone has tobe in order to be considered good in true sense (in the sense the creator would want us to be).

[R.kaur]

Dr. Kaur, VeeruS & Swarn Bains;
Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I cannot tell you how helpful it's been to get outside perspective. Dr. Kaur I don't intended to support him in his deeds but I do get the urge to rely everyone’s message to him so that he can realize what he's doing and how he can help himself. I am going to stop that though. No more will I take it upon myself to correct him, as God showed me the way he will show him the way as well (hopefully sooner than later). Once again thank you all & I wish I could give you all a big hug! This will have to do: http://kipper.8m.com/hug/

[Dr.Kaur]

that's a cute hug,thanks! this forum has helped me a lot too and you can pass it on by helping someone in dilemma, i am really glad i could be of some help,,

[R.kaur]

Dr. Kaur;
I sent you a personal message (e mail trough this forum) check it out!