Sikh Mate, at all?

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Sikh Mate, at all?

Postby 1jyot2moorti » Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:21 am

At the outset, let me tell you that I am well-read on the essence of SGGSji and as a Gursikh, have lived by the principles of Sikhism, in the face of very daunting circumstances including cowardly letdowns by fellow Gursikhs.
Hence, I am not asking for spiritual or religious advice. I am not in dubidha of that sort

I am looking for a look-in from from true and virtuous Sikh women ..... and Sikh men who have the company of true and virtuous Sikh women (without chalitars). So place your hand on your heart, before you respond ..... and better still, have your spouse or partner by your side when you answer this PLEASE

I have been looking for a Heer-like Gursikh mate for some time now, my first marriage having failed miserably. I tried to stand stoicly by my marriage vows for 14 years (and, much much more), never stepped out of marriage despite it being loveless and finally got slapped with false accusations which broke me down completely. FYI, I was not married to a Sikh girl, as I found it hard (in my youth) to get an educated one with urban moorings, to love me as I was - handsome but bearded.
They had ideas of their own, just as young men seem to complain in this post ... -Sikh-boys

My recent search for a soulmate has brought me up close with the stark realities that stare us in the face:

1. The very same reasons I could not find a Sikh mate in my youth are utterly pronounced today. Sikh women wonder as to how would they steal kisses with a moustached man. Buying into the advertising/cinematic imagery thrown at them, they wonderfully forget their own anatomical bearings .... and how ... just how .... could the mane of a Sikh man fondly caress their neck!
Am I bang on with this one?
That, Sikh women are buying into the imagery thrown at them, unthinkingly?
And that, they extend this into an internal churn such as ....
Will marrying a Gursikh curtail my freedom to tweeze my eyebrows/ color my hair/ snip double ends .... and so on and so forth ...

2. Today, our community is split down the middle, with spirituality and sensuality being on either sides (and parallelly!).
Our twisted interpretation of a fantastically, liberal religion like Sikhism and, resulting modern day culture (read, dogma) does not accomodate the idea that spirituality and sensuality can co-exist without one disturbing the other. In fact they can go on to make a complete being, just as miri-piri and sant-sipahi do .....
Are we, as a community, at a loss to understand our own texts and sehaj culture as a result thereof?

3. What has torn apart marriage as an institution (especially in Punjab) is a distorted sex ratio.

Sample some of the responses I have received from prospective Sikh brides there:

--> 48 year old woman (older than me. LoL): I have a man, 10 years younger willing to marry me. Are you younger?

--> 38 year woman, M.Tech (Electrical Engg.): Would like to have a man much younger than me.
Rejected me, basis my year of birth, without getting to look at my profile or photographs. Curious, I asked her as to whether she had studied Science as a subject. She laughed and said, "I am an Engineer!". I asked her, pray tell me, what are the changes that take place in a woman's body at the age of 45. I am not going to talk about that and hung up.
If firm-organ sex is all that remains to a marriage in a woman's mind .... is a Gursikh to leave his married bride as well when her love canal grows drier, with age? Is marriage, Anand Karaj anymore?!
My heart sank at the conversation I had had. I went for a walk with a very, heavy heart and nearly returned with a vow that I would not marry a girl from Punjab. I, however, decided to hold back.

--> 42 year old Amritdhari: Pray tell me, what is your Gottar (caste!)
I hung up in complete distaste.

What I have given here are merely those that stood out for their starkness. Over 100 contacts that I have made, have had silence or worse the same sort of response, in varying degrees of grey and black.
And I promise, I am handsome, very well educated and have done well in life.

I am aghast and crest-fallen.
I, in fact, need more support at this point, than mere marriage. And here I am, staring at the prospect of something so hollow and twisted ....

What do I do? Are there any real Sikh women at all?

I rue the day I read "The Sardarni", a short story by Bhisham Sahni. Here was a Hindoo telling the glorious tale of a warm blooded Sikhni - who coyly slid behind the door to hide her face when speaking to a stranger but boldly took to weilding the sword to save a man from being lynched by a crowd.
I rue the day I took on that image of my mate as a teen
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Re: Sikh Mate, at all?

Postby 1jyot2moorti » Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:56 am

Just one small addition:

I making those 100 odd contacts, I have not exclusively looked for a lady with urban moorings as I would have in my youth.
The count includes semi-urban and village belles :-)
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Re: Sikh Mate, at all?

Postby Guest » Fri Dec 27, 2019 8:35 am

Thanks for the information. It is very important for me.
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