A question for NRI families

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A question for NRI families

Postby Arshdeep9519 » Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:30 pm

Hello everyone,

My name is Arshdeep. Both my parents are indian and I also consider myself one even though I left the country when I was a child.
I sometimes feel suffocated, as if I am in some kind of jail I have created for myself. My parents are super proud of me because I am perfect in every possible way according to them. I am forcing myself to live the life they want me to live because if I don't do that, it will hurt them. If I try to be free, they will instantly call me a spoiled brat.

I am not trying to be free to kill anyone, I am just trying to breathe here. All my friends are allowed to go to a foreign countries to volunteer. I don't even dare to ask my parents that because they most likely say no. My friends are allowed to travel to other countries during summer holiday and I always have to be accompanied by someone, preferable a man from the family. What so many restrictions? Why do I have to ask permission (and sometimes I don't even do that because I know they will say no) for everything? Why aren't I allowed to enjoy my life to the fullest. It's not like I am going against our religion or anything. Aren't women equal to men in sikhism? It doesn't seem to be the case in my family. Women cook, do the dishes, clean the house, and of course, if my fathers gets mad, since I am a nice child, I must listen to him no matter what.

And my brother, he is younger than me and I am already feeling he has more freedom. At leats he can say whatever he feels without anyone tagging him as a spoiled child.

And now marriage. I am just freaking 22. They want me to leave one jail and enter another. Like really, what would I marry a person I don't even know. Just because he is filthy rich, that apparently already makes him suitable. Thank god my parents did listen to me this time.

Parents in india are not as traditional as NRI parents. NRI parents live in the 20th century. They consider children as some kind of property that must follow the path they have set. What about my own happiness?

If you belong to an NRI family + you did not grow up in india, I have a few questions:
1. Have you noticed liberty restriction in your family? Or have you been in a similar situation?
2. Do you think your family is more conservative than a non- NRI family?
3. How common do you think is my situation?
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Re: A question for NRI families

Postby dalipsingh5 » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:06 am

SSA bhenji,
I'm from the UK so I can answer two of your questions..
1. I think it is worse for females for obvious reasons, as I only had brothers I cannot fully answer this for you.
2. Yes, first generation NRI families have ideas frozen in time from when they left India. They can't move on with those in India so are a bit backward. You cannot change this, they have to change by modernizing somehow. They should integrate with the culture they are in.
3. Not sure about this one but I think its most families. They don't try to integrate because they don't have good english.

DS
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Re: A question for NRI families

Postby pgill89 » Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:16 pm

I was in the same boat as you. I was born in the USA, but my parents had come to the USA just a couple of years before my birth. I personally feel my parents came at a time that things WERE strict in Punjab, so they think that things are still like that.
I am now married and believe me; it might feel like it will never end, but it will. Start small.
The easiest for me was another Punjabi friend who had a little bit more freedom than me. So my parents let me go places with her.
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Re: A question for NRI families

Postby JeejaJi » Mon Aug 19, 2019 5:03 am

Your situation is pretty common especially among rural families that migrated from India in the 80s and 90s and parents have not gone back for a long time. A lot of these families are living in a time freeze and trying to raise their children. Many have not assimilated to the western culture either due to misunderstanding that it is all toxic or never fully understood western values due to language/company/culture.

You second reference of women cooking, cleaning etc. That’s true among even in well educated families and mostly a carryover from Punjab where men used to work all day outside and women took care of household chores. Fortunately, it is changing slowly with newer generation.

What’s the solution for your situation? There isn’t an easy one. If you want to travel and go places, you need to start small. Find some potential allies (friends, cousins) who you can accompany. See if there is an opportunity to go to India and see places there. While en route, make a one/two day trips in Europe where ever your connecting flight is.

And if you need to raise hell to avoid getting married because you are not ready or someone you don’t know, do so if that’s the only option left.

Good luck!


Arshdeep9519 wrote:Hello everyone,

My name is Arshdeep. Both my parents are indian and I also consider myself one even though I left the country when I was a child.
I sometimes feel suffocated, as if I am in some kind of jail I have created for myself. My parents are super proud of me because I am perfect in every possible way according to them. I am forcing myself to live the life they want me to live because if I don't do that, it will hurt them. If I try to be free, they will instantly call me a spoiled brat.

I am not trying to be free to kill anyone, I am just trying to breathe here. All my friends are allowed to go to a foreign countries to volunteer. I don't even dare to ask my parents that because they most likely say no. My friends are allowed to travel to other countries during summer holiday and I always have to be accompanied by someone, preferable a man from the family. What so many restrictions? Why do I have to ask permission (and sometimes I don't even do that because I know they will say no) for everything? Why aren't I allowed to enjoy my life to the fullest. It's not like I am going against our religion or anything. Aren't women equal to men in sikhism? It doesn't seem to be the case in my family. Women cook, do the dishes, clean the house, and of course, if my fathers gets mad, since I am a nice child, I must listen to him no matter what.

And my brother, he is younger than me and I am already feeling he has more freedom. At leats he can say whatever he feels without anyone tagging him as a spoiled child.

And now marriage. I am just freaking 22. They want me to leave one jail and enter another. Like really, what would I marry a person I don't even know. Just because he is filthy rich, that apparently already makes him suitable. Thank god my parents did listen to me this time.

Parents in india are not as traditional as NRI parents. NRI parents live in the 20th century. They consider children as some kind of property that must follow the path they have set. What about my own happiness?

If you belong to an NRI family + you did not grow up in india, I have a few questions:
1. Have you noticed liberty restriction in your family? Or have you been in a similar situation?
2. Do you think your family is more conservative than a non- NRI family?
3. How common do you think is my situation?
JeejaJi
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