Getting over a breakup - The Sikh Way

Breakups are deeply painful, but they happen for a reason and you don't always see that at the time.

I know. I know! How dare I write about getting over a breakup when we shouldn't be dating in the first place! Well, the reality is that we are dating. We have boyfriends and girlfriends and we hide them from our parents. And then when the breakup happens, we have to hide that pain from our parents too. Reality is engagements break off, divorces happen, and reality is that we hide the person we care about most from the world because we are afraid of society. I see it happen all the time and I know because I used to do this too back in my day. Nowadays, I pretty much tell my parents everything because I think they have learned to expect the unexpected from me and guess what? They still love me. :)

So! Step #1. Do Sukhmani Sahib 10 times in the morning. Do Chaupai Sahib 20 times in the evening. And do Japji Sahib 50 times throughout the day. Do this for 101 days straight and go to the Gurudwara 3 times a day during the week and 6 times a day during the weekend. Oh, and do all of this while sitting at the top of a mountain that you had to hike 5 miles to get into.

Just Kiddddddiiiiiinnnnnngggggggggg!!!!!!!

Before I get into it, if you have recently just gone through a breakup, I'd like to say one thing to you: Congratulations!!!

Why am I congratulating you on the most heart breaking and gut wrenching experience of your life?

Because of two possible reasons:

1. You probably weren't happy.

2. Your significant other probably wasn't happy, and if they weren't happy, they couldn't possibly make you happy, hence, back to #1. You probably weren't happy.

Because you are on your way to happiness now that you are broken up. You are. You'll see. . . .

(P.S. If you both were actually happy but the only reason you two broke up is because your parents forced you to for some stupid reason like caste or status, then stop reading right now and go get back together with that person and stand up against your parents. Okay? Okay.)

So here goes! Now, ever time I went through a break up, people would always tell me the same things over and over again: Focus on yourself! Love yourself! "But I do love myself!" I'd respond. How is it possible to not love yourself? I go to work, I take care of myself, how is that not focusing on myself? I was so incredibly confused.

Of course I loved myself. But I loved him too. And when you love someone, let's face it. You change your ways sometimes for that person. You accommodate to that person. You focus your time and your energy on that person. If that person is giving all of this back to you, it's a win-win. It works! But if not, it is incredibly draining- emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

This blog will be about how to get all of that back.

Let's start with the easiest: Step #1. The physical aspect. Imagine something with me for a quick second. There is a stereotype that we all know of which involves a girl crying after a breakup and her girlfriends coming to console her with ice cream and chocolate cake. Girls, the next time your girlfriend calls you crying, if you are a real friend, bring her a protein shake instead! Please allow me to explain. ;) I recently joined a gym and I joined this "challenge". I had to eat clean for 6 weeks and go to the gym 5 times a week. I couldn't eat any processed food or any sugar or anything. I had a small list of leafy greens, protein, and healthy carbs that I could eat from. I constantly had to buy fresh ingredients and I was constantly cooking. It changed my life. Food has so much of an effect on our hormones and our psyche, it's not even funny. When you eat good, you feel good. When you exercise, you feel good. If you are already eating healthy and exercising, crank it up a notch. Now is the time. I don't have to explain the science to you guys. You know this. It works. We come from an ancestry of great warriors. They were strong on the outside and strong on the inside. #Goals

Step 2. The Mental aspect. In the digital age that we live in today, block him (or her)! Block them from calling, from texting, from facebook, from instagram, from whatsapp, from everything! Sure, maybe you guys can be friends in the future. But not now. You need to heal first. The tears need to stop pouring and the cut needs to stop bleeding. Once it becomes a scar, you'll have a strong little tattoo of your battle wound. You will be able to be friends with anyone and you will be able to face anything but the cut needs to turn into a scab and the scab needs to turn into a scar and the scar needs to fade away and there is no time limit for that to happen. In the meantime, do what makes you happy. Actually, let me add a caveat to that. Do what makes you happy as long as it's healthy. Spend time with friends and family that bring you positive energy. Watch movies and read books that make you happy. Watch you-tube videos and instagram memes that make you happy. Go travel to new and exciting places. Or my favorite: Go to comedy shows! You were a happy individual before you met this person. You will continue to be a happy individual after this person too. You will just be a bit wiser. . . . .

Step 3. The Spiritual. The most important aspect. This is the most difficult. You must give in to the hukam. You have to accept Waheguru's will. Know that everything happens for a reason, and even if we don't know that reason or don't understand that reason, it happened for a reason. All of it. Is this breakup temporary or permanent? Who knows? Could you guys be friends in the future? Who knows? Could you guys get married in the future? Who knows? Will you never see that person again for as long as you live? Who freaking knows.

God knows. No. God really does know. You've got to trust, that whatever plan, whatever destiny, whatever future that's out there is actually there for you. You don't have to hate your ex to get over it. You don't have to bash him or her or talk badly about that person every time someone asks what happened. It's okay to still care for that person. But it's okay to not want to live a life of unhappiness. It's okay to walk away. And yes, as a Sikh, focus on yourself but also focus on your Guru. Focus on Waheguru. Go to the Gurudwara. Listen to kirtan. Do some Seva. Listen to paath and read it (even if it's an English translation. ;) Do it all at your own pace. Do an Ardaas and ask for guidance to get through this and to accept his will. And then. . . . . just trust. Trust the Ardaas. Trust Waheguru. Trust the Universe. Trust your Guru. Trust the process. Trust yourself.

You got this.

Bhull Chuk Maaf

Miss Kaur

Christine Kaur

Christine Kaur started blogging as an outlet to express the trials of relationships of second generation western born Sikhs like herself.

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