Females made me nervous

After marriage I was completely cured....

With very rare exception, my entire upbringing and education was in a all male environment. My interaction with females was very limited except for close family. For me females were alien.

Growing up friendship or a meaningful relationship with girls was extremely difficult, because I grew up with two ridiculous and extreme views of females.

One from our our culture that males were monsters and evil and females were goddesses, pure and angelic. The other view learnt from friends and forbidden literature, that females were to be exploited.

I discovered that amongst many other males that my views were not exceptional.

Most held the same sort of strange attitudes.

Isolated from females and our minds programmed by puritanical religious ideas in an unnatural environment we grew up with a messed up sense of humanity and sexuality.

Those that I placed on pedestals, usually found me dry and boring. Those I treated as objects thought me uncouth and obnoxious. I discovered that we were dehumanising females because we were either idolising them or being dismissive of them.

After several unsustainable relationships with girls, I was mostly cured and became ready for marriage. After marriage I was completely cured. Its said, 'Man is incomplete till he gets married, then he's finished.'

Educationists and religious zealots may think it is good idea to separate males and females but it is unnatural and unhealthy. It produces a hypocritical humanity and that cannot be good.

Boys and young men from segregated environments inevitably encounter difficulty in relationships and marriage. The most natural thing of engaging with women as partners, colleagues, clients, and as friends poses a challenge for many males.

Unable to understand or relate to the other half, such males engage with females in extreme ways, either excessively aggressive or extremely submissive.

What can be done to build healthier communities and society ?

Young children up to age 10 should all go to coeducational schools and playgrounds. It is sexually safe, and emotionally healthy.

Young children in these early years of their lives are inquisitive and open. They have no hardened opinions save those planted in their innocent minds and hearts by teachers, parents and priests.

Just before the onset of puberty girls and boys may be separated until they are ready to go to college or go to work. Sexual attraction will be there, as it is perfectly natural, but it will be healthy, respectful and friendly.

We talk of love, and building a better world, but how can we love humanity when males and females cannot be comfortable with the other half of humanity?

For loving, and healthy relationships to blossom there has to be both respect and friendship. Neither are possible without the precondition of understanding the other.

Males and females are different but they are equal and by nature they compliment one another. To realise a progressive, respectful and happier humanity, we must resist the urge to try and dominate or manipulate the other gender by treating either males or females exceptionally or adversely.

Gurvinder Singh

Gurvinder Singh is an engineer by education, Industrialist by professional experience. I have travelled and  conducted business both India and abroad (34 countries). 

More Articles by This Author

Add a Comment