My Son Wants To Cut His Hair What Do I Do?

April 23rd, 2008
A mother's test

Q - My son is 15 years old. He sat down with me and told me that he wanted to cut my hair I was in great shock. I asked him why and he told me he did not want to tell me yet. What do i do? Should I let him cut his hair?

A - If your son really wanted to cut his hair, he would have taken the scissors and cut it, but instead he told you he wanted to cut it. That is his test to you. The fact that he told you means that he wants guidance from you.  Be very loving to him. Let him know that you really want to know why he talked to you about it. Talk to him about how beautiful his hair is and help him understand that it just grows back again and again and that it is programmed by God into his genes how much hair should grow on his body. Explain that our natural form is Guru's gift to us. Be loving and not judgemental.  Try to get to the root of the problem, which may not actually be about hair at all.
 

Comments

July 10, 2009 - 11:23am — sardar satnam singh (not verified)

Sassriakal to Khalsa's and Reader

I can understand the feeling of mother. i am proud to be a Khalsa... when i was around 18 years i was think what great to be sikh when other are enjoying the colourful life with friend ( girl friend ). one day my parent took me to gurdwara sri sachkhand sahib ( Nanded ) and surrounding gurdwara's. explain me the meaning of being sikh and khalsa. i have seen many things around me such as old historic photo and ancient things. but the most important thing of all was, khalsa's where the ruler from there heart, because wahaguru have bless them with all happiness. i would like you to take your son to some holy place and explain him the importance of being a guru sikh. show the people around him and also explain the sacrifies of SIKH GURU"S for the other religion's.
June 17, 2009 - 7:38pm — amrit_kahlon

a challange to sikhism

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh all of us hv gone through this phase.being a father,being a mother, being a sister,brother,friend or in any realtion, we all have witnessed this at some stage of our life.nowadays this is the trend , its becoming necessity for new generation.punjab is the biggest victim . am amritdhari, my parents are 100% responsible for what i am today. i hva firm belief in my GOD,i have a firm belief in my religion, i know i am a sikh, and what are my duties towards my father,my dad's father, everyone's father, Guru Gobind singh ji. my dad has always been crystal clear to me whenever there was a question on sikhism, he always said , " son, you are my only son, but you are not the only son to my LORD Guru gobind singh, our only father is Dashmesh pita.and if a child goes against his father, goes against his will, does something that hurts him, depletes or belittles his fathers image ,that child is not worthy,he is not worth being called a son of guru gobind singh." one thing has always been very clear to me that if am not going to obey guru granth sahib,guru gobind singh ji, am gonna lose my parents blessings. my dad told me that if i ever does something that is against sikhism and guru's will, either he will throw me out of his home and tell the world that his son is no more and is dead.he said he wont give a second thought to this.i am more than convinced that he can even cut my throat if i ever go against sikhism. this never made me think wrong about him or sikhism. i always knew how important sikhism is to dad.i really respect him for this ,because for his faith on sikhism ,his only son is nothing for him.am not his top priority, sikhism is his top priority, so it is mine. parents have been too lenient with their children when it comes to sikhism.they have failed to make their children aware of our history, the martyrs who laid their life just for sikhism and rehat maryada.we have failed to make new genration aware of the fact that what a pride it is to b born as a sikh. ma'm you must make your son aware of our history, let him knw his father is guru gobind singh who sacrificed his whole family for sikhism n rehat maryada.Let your children know how lucky they are to b born as a sikh, let them know hair are the diamonds given by d god to them.its their identity.one who loses his identity finds a place no where..neither on this world nor in gods house. sorry for any comment that might have hurt anyone..was just trying to put forward my opinion.. bhul chukk maaf kareyo ji.. wjkk wjkf.. may god bless u all..
July 27, 2009 - 3:33pm — GuruKirpaNaal...

Guru Kirpa Naal...

I understand that my answer is a little late however; I would love to share my opinion and help as much as I can. Your son is 15 and their many things that go on in a 15 year old boy’s life. There are many things he would have to deal with such as peer pressure, "fitting in as a Sikh boy," maybe even drugs, etc.. As a mother you have to be understanding over that point and have to support whatever decision he comes up with. "Love Treatment:" This may sound like the worst advice ever but please to consider what I am going to say... Give him a pair of scissors and tell him to cut his hair. If he does he will first of all understand your love and how open of a heart you have for his problems, he will think over what he did hundreds of times; most likely regretting it, he will feel the difference; having no weight on his head, it will be so light, not the usual feeling. That is the love treatment. "History Treatment:" Tell him stories about Bhai Tarru Singh and all the other Sikhs that gave their lives but didn't let anyone touch their hair. That is the history treatment. "Questioning Treatment:" Ask him what SINGH means. Singh means lion. A lion never lets anyone touch his mane, for a Sikh their hair is their mane. That is the questioning treatment. I am 13 and would love to help a brother see that this is his decision and whatever he decides, waheguru will always be with him. ~GuruKirpaNaal~ he will see the value of kesh one day or another.
April 8, 2009 - 3:20am — charanjeetsingh

ASSEE APNE BACHIA LAI KI ITIHASS BANAVANGE

TUSI APNE BETE NU APNE SIKHI DE AMOLAK VIRSE TO JANU KARVAO, SADE GURUA NE ,SADE PURATAN SIKHA NE KINIA SHEEDIA DITIA PAR KESA DE BADBEE NAHI HON DEETE. KIOKEE UHNA VICH KESA PARTEE , SIKHI PARTEE ATHAH PIAR SE ,JE OH NA SHEEDIA DENDA TA SIKH KOM DA VAJUD NAHI HONA SE , JO ASEE AJJ KARANGE ,OH SADE BACHIA LAI ETTHAAS BANEGA,SO MARJI APP DE HAI KI ASEE APNE BACHIA LAI KIDA DA EETHAASS BANANAHAI, AKALPURUKH KIRPA KARAN . BHUL.CHUK MAAF KARNI
April 8, 2009 - 3:10am — charanjeetsingh

waheguru g k khalse,waheguru

waheguru g k khalse,waheguru g k fateh. NO DOUT. S. JARNAIL SINGH IS A BRAVE SIKH, PAR OHNA DA BOOT MARAN DA NISHANA GALAT SE,JE AH BOOT DOSHEE PERSON NU MEDIA VICH MARAYA HUNDA TA VADHIYA HUNDA, HOME MINISTER NU MARAN NAL SIKHA DI IMAGE TE BURA ASAR P
March 17, 2009 - 9:45am — mikese

I think you should tell him

I think you should tell him to wait until he is 18 and see if he is still interested in cutting his hair I know people who have and wear wigs out and there is nothing wrong with that in my mind being religious is not about what you wear or how you look but only what you believe in.
August 2, 2009 - 7:48am — GuruKirpaNaal...

Dear Person With The Username "mikese"...Well Written... But

~ Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! ~ I agree with you, all that really matters is being spirtually religious and truely believing in god. However, by doing that we can't forget about our gurus and their commands. One of their commands was that a sikh is supposed to be a unique person; one that stands out. With the slaying of kesh that is not possible. One's kesh are just as dear to their body as their fingers are. No one just starts ramdomly starts chopping their fingers, but why does the case change when we get to our kesh? I understand that we are trying our hardest to help a fifteen year old gentleman make the right decision, however, I just thought it would be nice to add some extra detail. ~ GuruKirpaNaal ~ this boy will make the right decision whatever thaty may be to him. ~ Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! ~~~Simran Kaur~~~
September 4, 2008 - 12:42am — h07

Obesiance

I'm a full sikh and also passed through this phase when one has doubts about why things have to be done. Only recently have I been able to be start to gain some clarity about what it means. Firstly, without any disrespect, I must say that we Sikhs are only 35 million out of a population of 6 billion. Do we really think that 99% of humanity is wrong when they cut their hair ? Rather I think the answer lies in changing our perception of the question. The question we should ask is not are they right or wrong but rather here is a quote from Sukhmani Saheb : Jeh Jeh Pana Theh Theh Raakheh, Nanak Sub Kich Prabh Keh Haatheh. Pls forgive my transliteration errors. A rough translation would be : Everything happens as per God's Command so humanity living the way it does is also part of His divine Pana and for a Gursikh acceptance of this is the first step . The duality of right or wrong , pain or joy , happy or sad etc will disappear once we accept Pana because in that state of consciousness, there is only right because God's Pana can only be right. Gurbani teaches us that it is wrong to partake of that which is forbidden. (Hakh Paria Nanka, Us Suvar Us Gaon). For the Muslim , it's wrong to partake of pork and for Hindus beef. This is in essence, the first step in religious discovery, that of accepting the command of your Guru. A person only can begin to be humble when he accepts. If we go to a school and wish to enter class or study as per our own timetable, then no school will accept us. Which means that once we enrolled we must follow . So as a Gursikh, acceptance of Guru's will is the first necessary step to removing ego. And so if he commands us to keep hair, then he in his infinite wisdom , knows why and our duty as Gursikh is to follow and accept. If we can't accept Guru's will , how are we going to be able to accept God's will ? In a similar way, I would say that for a Sikh, our Paria Hakh is : cutting of hair, tobacco and partaking of intoxicants. Our foremost and final goal in life is to be in tune with Naam every second ,every breath - Uthath Baithath Sovath Naam, Kahoh Nanak Jan Kai Sadh Kaam. This is not possible if we are not in full control of our conscious at all times . And how can this be if we are in an intoxicated state. So partaking of tobacco and other intoxicants which will affect our conscience is strictly forbidden . I don't know if it clears any doubts but it will help if others can comment furthur. Perhaps some other positive ideas may emerge. Thanks for reading.
June 14, 2008 - 12:51am — manvinder singh

I NEED SOME WORK

i m manvinder singh from amritsar i need some work,becoz of lack of funds i cant run my business i m requesting that if any one have any proposal of work which he thinks i can do help me out THANX
June 13, 2008 - 1:39am — Harman

Additional advice.....

Mam! I'm a 25 yr old guy...... Just like ur son I wanted to get my hair cut at his age but I trimmed my beard without asking anybody........ My mom noticed it ..... Said nothing ........but stared slapping me I had a deep impact of those slaps..... then she took off her slipper and beat me with it........ I took it ...... Then I asked her why did she do it for just trimming my beard..... She couldn't explain that she did that out of religious sentiments but she just said, "I didn't like that....." Though I didn't quit trimming overnight but those slaps were like unforgettable....... After my graduation I resolved not to rim my beard but still wasn't true to my resolution..... Took me 2 more years to quit it And finally I did just because of my Mom's slaps and chappals...... Your son loves u a lot..... Counel him..... If he doesn't agree.....Tell him u won't speak to him ever...... I can guarantee............................... HE WON'T DO IT....................... :) Take Care
May 30, 2008 - 8:44am — ssethi

Mother's test

I can very well understand the worry you have for your son, I can assure you if you follow the steps you will not regrett. 1. Try to find out who his friends are, may be some of them are trying to persuade him to cut his hair, and try to seprate him from their company and let him make friends with some gursikh boys. 2. Let him read the books by Bhai Vir Singh Ji, like Bijai Singh & Sundari, once he reads them he may be interested to read some of his other novels. 3. Take him to watch Sundari and Kambdi Kalai, movies or you could buy the DVDs and watch at home. 4. Final and the most difficult step if you can do it, I gaurantee you, Waheguru Ji would do the needful. Do 21 paths (one a day) of Sukhmani Sahib in addition to your daily Nit-Nem, with him sitting with you and listening to it, if he can do it along with you much the better. Keep a tumbler full with water while doing the path and let him drink it after the Ardas, begging Waheguru Ji to help you resolve this problem. After 21 paths, do Karah-Parshad, at home or in the Gurdwara you go to and do the Ardas asking Waheguru Ji to prtect his Kesh. I am 100% sure you would be succesful. I would also do the Ardas that Waheguru Ji may rid you off of this anxity.
June 15, 2008 - 11:45pm — Gurcharan Singh

Mothers Test - respose

I am 27yrs old... GURSIKH BOY. and the mind state and emotions and confussion of why he has be different from others had came in my mind also...... in those days it happens with every sikh boy, all over the world..... But luckly, i always believed that being a sikh is not a stigma or a curse but.... a sign of PRESTIGE. today he is too young.. to prove his potential and thats why when his classmates or people around tease him because he has long hairs and wears putka.... he cannot defend himself.. and so now trying to find alternate solution which he thinks is best to solve all his problem. but best way would be too..... tell him how sucessfull. GURSIKH boys and men are in today world.. like Prime Minister of INDIA is a GURSIKH " SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH " and he was when of his age had to face all these problems but he fought and never let down his family and today he is PM of world largest democracy... Then RANBAXY another pharmaceutical giant is again owned and run by GURSIKH FAMILY... NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU... a super cricketer, Speaker and anchor is also a GURSIKH like u.... Daler Mehndi, , MALKIT SINGH, SUKSHINDER SHINDA... who can beat them in POP MUSIC.......... their name alone is enough to rock the music world... then in latest ISHMEET who was jst a single sikh competitor in INDIA IDOL bet all and won... and one of the biggest reason for his success was he never stepped down from being a GURSIKH.. and thats why everyone loved him....... for his commitment and will power....... u hve to give real life current days SIKH youths examples... so tht he can relate himself to them and can also.. give answer to those in his class who tease him.. bcoz he is sikh... and they say jokes on SIKH and tease him... its us as parents and elders responsibility to motivate and guide our coming generation... who fail to justify them selves the importance of being a GURSIKH>>> take him to gurudware... make him do some sava in langer and give him exposure to other sikh boys and girls of his age so that he doesn't feel isolated and alone....... in the battle ground of FIGHT OF IDENTITY !!.... AND IF NOTHING WORKS>>> JUST ask him....... will a HINDU boy would feel good to be converted in MUSLIM would he be accepted by his family and frds.. and would a MUSLIM BOY would convert into HINDU.. bcoz he is minority...... or a CHRISTAN boy would become a Hindu or SIKh....... if they are strong and feel proud to be identity of their religion which is good... they why u r scared of being a SIKH and think that by choping hair and turning into HINDU>>>> u will be superior or would not hve any problems..... u will still have a GURSIKH blood in you..... why u want to some who is neither a SIKH nor a HINDU nor a MUSLIM then everyone will tease u... and u will be nobody......... FEEL PROUD TO BE SIKH>>>>>>>> show him some good movies with sikh heros like BORDER, GADAR, SINGH IS KING, TUM BIN....... this will surely have impact on him... as kids have more impact of films on them.... pls try this......... if u loose hope....... then very soon we might loose one HANDSOME SIKH YOUTH from our community !!>>>>>>> jst in case if u need help do contact me........
May 23, 2008 - 7:52pm — ax0547

A mother's test

A - Though what the above gursikh said is true, but just explaining that the hair are our Guru's gift would not be enough according to me. You have to get to the root. Let me exapnd it here for you the primary causes are going to be. First saying that the hair are our Guru's gift is true, but a spektical person would want to know the reasoning behind us as Sikhs keeping our hair. 1. Do not just give the reason that we keep hair because they are naturally formed. This is partial trouth the reason behind why Guru told us to keep hair. Also your son would probably point to why we cut our nails, the are natural too. 2. Do not just give the reason that do it so because it is the identity given to us by our Guru, so we shall keep hair to be distinct. I the eyes of a skeptic this would be blind faith and contarary to the new scietific ages ideolygy. This would be so because we ourslf condemn anyone doing something because a person/ book said so. The whole gurbani asks us to think about the logic and reasoning behind what we belive and folow. 3. Here is reasoning that any person should be able to extrapolate- this is purely my opinion. First cutting or keeping one's hair does not make that person closer or farther from God. This would be same thing as saying that because one is able to keep hair tha person has experienced more of god any any other person. Same is with the theme of going into Jungle - as going into jungles and leaving the worldly oder does not make us closer to God, nor a person who got his finger cut off acidently compared to a person with normal hand. The reason lies in our scoietal norms and Guru sahib was well aware of human nature. 4. According to our societal norm hair viewed by a normal person as hinderance with looking good and clean. Furthermore they are related to sex and related practices, but in our punjabi culture this is not to b e talked about. Especially not with childern. So they childern get exposed to the societal point of view and not any cousouling from parents. Here a skeptical would say that how dies sexual pleasure relate to God - and it does not. This one reason as far as I have known tha people will postpone Amrit Chakna wel into their 50's and so - waiting for the right time, but they forget tha deeds done are done - they well indside their hearts know. 5. However Guru sahib was a really smart person. This is why Guru sahib condemed cutting of hair not only from head but from any part of body. If it was to be just for identity - the hair on head and pag would have been enough. This provided the assurity - that 90% (appx ) of the people who would not be fit, due to this reason would be eliminated to be Khalsa. This also answers why we cut nails and not hair. If you see that keeping hair on every part of body is very strongly corelated with VIKARS - lust and lobh, which a Khalsa should keep in control and therefore Guru Ji made acceptance of God's will on that part the norm for Khalsa ( nomally norms differ from society to society and peeron to person). However in the case of nail cutting , they actually cause hindrance in our daily activities - food and work - and also confllict with KIRT KARNI. 6. Personally having been gone thorugh the time your son is going thorugh, I think you would give him these reasons. NO one had reasons for me but I figured them out myself with grace of God and faith. Not everyone has same faith to be patient and find reasons and no one with reasoning. Please sit and talk to him pateinlt but even before that look at the norm/reasoning that you have provided him with and their contradictions to sikhi. You are the role model for hiim and that is why he came to you. Please forgive me for any mistake or inappropriate language. Guru Khalsa Panth is the forgiver. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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