Mistakes with Sikh man

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Mistakes with Sikh man

Postby Laryn223 » Sat May 11, 2019 10:32 am

Greeting, I have been in a serious relationship with a Sikh man for 2.5 years. I am older than him, caucasian American and have kids from a prior marriage. When we met, I refused him, saying I was not appropriate for him with his parents, as he has never been married. However he pursued me with a vengeance and would not leave me alone. Finally I agreed to give him a chance. Over time, he bought me an expensive engagement ring, met my kids and we planned on marriage after he finished masters. He told his parents about the age difference and that I was white American, which they accepted. I am a highly educated professional in the community.
Due to my age, he asked me to get pregnant right away. I had 2 miscarriages, he went with me for fertility assessment. Finally I became pregnant and the baby is growing very well. Because of thia, he decided to be honest with his parents about my divorce and kids. He would never tell them before, but wanted to now that I'm expecting. I never had the opportunity because they live abroad and I don't speak Punjabi.
Anyway, they found this totally unacceptable and say they are disowning him immediately. He is the only child in his family. He immediately turned against me and said he wants to end things and demanding I abort the baby. I am shocked and devastated. Never would I imagine he could do this to me. When I say I wont give the baby, he actually said he will hate it and tthat I'm ruining his life. I am in absolute despair and feel my only option is to abort a child, which I feel is murder, or raise it alone. His family refuses to speak to me, I tried. What can I do?
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Re: Mistakes with Sikh man

Postby holapunjabiadios » Tue May 14, 2019 8:31 am

Hey Laryn,

I can't even imagine what you must be going through. It sounds so hard. I sympathize with you since I am also in a relationship with a sikh man and can understand the pressures of their family but your case has taken things next level. Be reminded that it's eventually him choosing the family over you, not the family pushing you away.

I felt the urge to reply to you immediately to let you know that you are not alone :) I'm sure you are a wonderful human and sincerely the child belongs to you. You have raised wonderful children in the past and it's you becoming a mother not him or anyone else. His frustration is selfish after he walked away from you immediately...can't believe he even went to a fertility clinic with you!

Honestly stay focused, you're NOT in the wrong here and that baby deserves the best from what you can give him. If him and his family have blocked you from their side...you can do the same thing!

Stay strong X
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Re: Mistakes with Sikh man

Postby loveforsikhi » Wed May 15, 2019 3:39 pm

Laryn223 wrote:Greeting, I have been in a serious relationship with a Sikh man for 2.5 years. I am older than him, caucasian American and have kids from a prior marriage. When we met, I refused him, saying I was not appropriate for him with his parents, as he has never been married. However he pursued me with a vengeance and would not leave me alone. Finally I agreed to give him a chance. Over time, he bought me an expensive engagement ring, met my kids and we planned on marriage after he finished masters. He told his parents about the age difference and that I was white American, which they accepted. I am a highly educated professional in the community.
Due to my age, he asked me to get pregnant right away. I had 2 miscarriages, he went with me for fertility assessment. Finally I became pregnant and the baby is growing very well. Because of thia, he decided to be honest with his parents about my divorce and kids. He would never tell them before, but wanted to now that I'm expecting. I never had the opportunity because they live abroad and I don't speak Punjabi.
Anyway, they found this totally unacceptable and say they are disowning him immediately. He is the only child in his family. He immediately turned against me and said he wants to end things and demanding I abort the baby. I am shocked and devastated. Never would I imagine he could do this to me. When I say I wont give the baby, he actually said he will hate it and tthat I'm ruining his life. I am in absolute despair and feel my only option is to abort a child, which I feel is murder, or raise it alone. His family refuses to speak to me, I tried. What can I do?


Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can firstly say that none of his actions have anything to do with the Sikh religion. Firstly he asked you to get pregnant before you were even married, he lied, he's asking you to get an abortion, so many things in there that were wrong of him and don't follow our religion's principles. It must be so heartbreaking. I hear you saying that you have a core value that says that you don't want to abort this child. It is a disheartening situation to raise this child alone but I think that like the above person stated, you have raised wonderful children in the past. Whether he loves the child or not, he doesn't have to be in your life and this is fully your own decision to make, he has no say. You can continue to try to problem-solve with his family as things cool off, but I dont know if that would change anything. honestly it sounds totally un-trustworthy and i would stop communications at this point.
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Re: Mistakes with Sikh man

Postby DSADHRA » Wed May 15, 2019 5:32 pm

It’s very sad to see how he has change now. His decision seems like a under culturally dominant. Sikh values never teach this way at all. Here’s an another scenario I borne and raised in Sikh family and own my own after 20 years old. I meet white girl and decide to get married. Before I make that choice I told myself I will do whatever it takes, and then tell my parents this is what I want. And response was totally unexpected they told me you know whats the best for you and we fully support you if that’s what you want. They never believe in cast or color all those crap.Thanks god somewhat they follow core values of Sikhism .So we Got married and blessed with beautiful family. But her side family don’t want to associate with us at all ever since because she married to non white guy. This whole thing doesn’t bother us at all. We learned to we happy what we have and and live with our believes other than thinking about other people what they want or what they may think. So in your situation seem like he need to man up and follow up his words of commitment to you no matter what it take to make this work but he’s not.Other hand seems you have strong personality focus on what you thing is right in this situation and stick with it and show them you never need anyone other to rely on about your life’s choices,you can deal with that own your own. Eventually times will come around he will realize that what he did wrong and also his family.that would never leave them alone. Stay strong and tell him what he want it’s not right.
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