Western Marriage vs Indian Marriage

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Western Marriage vs Indian Marriage

Postby MyNameIsChris » Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:23 am

Hi guys,

I've now reached the age where my parents are starting to ask me about my future marriage plans. I'm not even 20 yet so they know that marriage is still a few years off, but they have begun questioning whether or not I plan to get married in Canada or go back to India to get married. And this has become quite a conundrum for me as I'm not too sure myself what I want to do. I am what you would call "westernized", and as a result religion isn't high up on my priorities list, caste is not even an issue, and I don't care about skin color either. I do however care about getting to know the person I'm marrying before I actually tie the knot, having a pre-established emotional connection and marrying someone who is strong enough and independent enough to stand on their own two feet while at the same time being a loyal partner and caring about raising a family. Many people will say that western women are not loyal and do not care as much about raising a family as their Indian counterparts but I've found that that's just not true. They care just as much, it's just that society won't look down upon them for being a divorcee. It's actually encouraged if the person you're with is abusive or a drug addict or an alcoholic etc... whereas in India women are still required to be homemakers, and the general attitude is that family matters should not become a public matter. I lived next door to a western couple that had been married for over 60 years, and another with 3 kids that had been together for over 20 years.

I had convinced myself for a very long time that I would never go back to India to get married. I was open to marrying an Indian girl, but she had to of been born here. But that has changed in recent months. My reluctance to marry a girl born and raised in India stemmed from the fear that she would not share the same values as me. I think it's fun to go to the beach (even if there are men in just shorts and girls in bikinis), have a drink with your buds every now and then, and that having friends of the opposite sex is just fine. Girls born in India may not feel the same way, and I'd want my wife to come along to my social outings as much as possible.

I have now come to the conclusion that a silly thing like that shouldn't stop me from marrying in India. I wouldn't want to change my wife into something that she's not, and if she decided not to come along and have a drink then that's fine by me. The only challenge I'd face would be to date the girl before getting married, even if we both decided that there would be no intimacy until marriage. If I do get married in India I wouldn't want to get married to someone in a city like Bombay. There isn't anything wrong with those girls, but even they are very westernized these days, so if that was my intention, I'd just stay here and get married. I haven't decided for sure yet, but if I do opt for India, I think I'd like a somewhat traditional wife. I don't mean submissive or acting like I own her (that's a big turn off for me as I see men and women as equals in a relationship and I think the woman should have just as much authority as the man), but I do like the prospect of marrying someone who understands Indian culture and has experienced it first hand. That's what many of the girls in the big cities are lacking.

Like I said, religion isn't a high priority to me, so I'd be open to marrying anyone that is liberal-minded, regardless of the religion they practice. The only thing I'd have a problem with would be marrying a Muslim girl as their religion strictly forbids it, and I wouldn't be going back to India to convert to Islam to marry someone. I don't know the rule about Hindu girls marrying non-Hindu men, but I haven't heard much about men having to convert to Hinduism to marry them. And I know there will be some people who feel that Sikhs should only marry Sikhs and Hindus only Hindus, but other than religion. the cultural values seem pretty similar to me, and they're what I care about most.

So has anyone gone back to India to get married. How'd it work out? Is it possible to date outside of the big cities, and how would someone go about doing it? Thank you.
MyNameIsChris
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