He is Sikh, I am American

[BindasGirl]

We met quite by accident early in July, 2011. We have gotten closer and closer as time has gone on. I plan to visit him in Punjab sometime soon and we are both looking forward to that so much. My question is: is it common for a Sikh guy to obey his parents 100% and to never stray from their beliefs?

Without giving too much detail away, my Sikh bf is 22 and has two younger sisters. He has told me in passing that his younger sisters must marry before he does. Ok, I am fine with that. But I truly love this man and he PROMISES me that he will come to America within five years and spend some time with me here. All along, however, he has said he can give me everything in life except not marriage. And I said that was ok. I really don't want to marry, I just want to be with him, marriage or not.

I get the feeling from some of the things he says is that he MUST obey his parents and have an arranged marriage in about five years. He keeps saying it doesn't matter if he is married, he will still be my best friend....that makes me SO UPSET!!! I don't want him to have ANY WIFE except ME!!! If he disobeys his father they will disown him.

What am I to do? I cried and cried the other nite, and so did he, because we only want to be together but he doesn't want to let his parents down or be disowned. Is there a solution? I would love for him to come live with me in America and work here. Like I said, it doesn't matter if we marry or not, it matters that we are together.

Now that we had the emotional issue the other nite, if the subject comes up, he doesn't want to discuss it anymore, he says put it off until later.

I truly love him and don't want to lose him from my life. I would love to have a close, caring relationship with his parents but I don't see that happening.

I would certainly appreciate any insight into our situation and Sikh family rules, etc. If I can't be with my "B", i don't want to live. He is that special to me.

[chakvi]

I wouldn't waste time on him. If he really loves you, he should tell his parents about you instead of planning to get an arranged marriage to some indian girl one day. He needs to make a choice what he wants in life.

And the stuff about disowning is just non-sense. No loving parent would disown their child (though they might make threats or kick him out for some time).

[TyrantStryker]

Wow, in all honesty you should probably stay as far away from 'Binda' as possible, you may be American but his attitude (and one where he seems to want to take emotional advantage of you) is hardly Sikhi type behavior. There are a lot of sham relationship/marriage horror stories from foreign Punjabi women going back to India to get married let alone from those of other religions. Punjab has become a hotbed of such scam artists, if I were you I wouldn't communicate any further, and really, is this simply an internet infatuation you two have or have you two ever met in person? If not you really need some self-reflection if you're saying "you can't live without someone" you've never even met in real life.

[BindasGirl]

Wow. Do you all really think that this is a false relationship from his side? I believe in him. He calls me on the phone more than I call him. I am his first girlfriend. We Skype almost daily. As far as his parents are concerned, he is SCARED TO DEATH of his Dad. He told me last nite that if he told his parents that he was dating a white American girl and refused an arranged marriage, his Dad would KILL him. I said, "come on, they wouldn't kill you! Maybe they would be disappointed and upset but wouldn't kill you." Binda's response was "yes, my Dad would KILL ME and I would no longer be alive." Are some Punjabi Sikh parents so strict like that they would murder their own children?

I just really want to understand the mentality.

[Nihal Singh Kanakpuria]

Bindas girl,

No doubt some parents are strict, exactly how strict his dad is, only someone who knows them can tell you. What i can say is that that I haven't ever heard of honor killing from the boys family so i highly highly doubt his dad would even think of doing any such thing, In such excuses i have seen that either the boy is not ready to stand up to his parents or he is not ready to stand up to his GF that he is not into it for the long run.

I am trying to understand what sort of relationship do you guys have ? from the looks of it you guys are having a long distance relationship and have't even met each other, depth in a relationship doesn't come without living/spending lot of time with each other.

You both need to spend time with him to really know how much the other person or even how much you yourself truly love each other and only after that do you need to think about how to convince his parents, Off course he should be ready to at least try and convince his parents ...

Nihal

[Guest]

Hey,

I am a Sikh Punjabi Girl, who got in luck meeting an honest punjabi sikh guy, but unfortunately most punjabi sikh guys are all pigs. They just love to show off the fact that they have a gf!....and i am warning and pleading you to stay away from that guy. I have cousins who were truly in love with their now spouses and gathered courage to tell their families.. and surprisingly they agreed and are happy with their children's choice. If he doesn't have the guts to tell his father then i don't know what to say to you!....Please Please!!!!!....don't trust a word out of his mouth..and i love it how he wants to still keep a relationship with u even after getting married!.I am sorry but that should lit a light bulb!!!...No, honest, loving, and caring man would ever say that to the one they say they are deeply in love with!.....However it is you life and your choice, i just hope you are not like the many others who have been severely hurt!...take care

Moderator Note: This message was reported as inappropriate. "unfortunately most punjabi sikh guys are all pigs" is a slanderous and inaccurate generalization based on personal opinion.

[Guest]

hiii STAY AWAY

[chjohnsonk]

OOOO,great..

[singhbj]

He is Sikh, I am American

I think it's high time someone made a film titled

" Ranjha & Juliet "

Pretty sure it would be box office hit or at-least win the Sikhnet film award : )

[Romesh Kumar]

but unfortunately most punjabi sikh guys are all pigs

This may be because of the tragedy that sikh clergy do not accept most of the Sikhs as Sikhs.
SSA