Convert to Sikhi, Family doesnt approve.

[Nimuie]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

I am on the path of Sikhi and my brothers don't appear to approve.

I'm the only girl in my family. There are others in my family as well who have distanced themselves from me since learning of my want to Sikh.

They haven't spoken to me and when they do they only seek to cause arguments and talk behind my back. Both of my parents say this new relationship bothers them however we are all adults now and they don't think they can change my brothers attitudes.

I find that they seem to want to bring negativity and pain into my life and I'm not sure what I should do. All attempts to make things better have failed and only seem to worsen the situation.

What should I do?

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

[singhbj]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Nimuie it is not easy for people to accept such Change.

It is better to take things slow.

Sudden change in lifestyle is not advisable for you as well as your family.

First find a support group to help you with transition preferably locals.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Nimuie]

I lived in Canada when I started this path but my job has taken me to China where religion is banned and punishable by prison camp life sentences. I dont have local support here.

I am here to find online support and using online resources to learn gurbani and transition on my own. I volunteer here to help those in need (I have always volunteered, even before my introduction to Sikhi) and to complete Seva in whatever way I can. But I cannot talk about or tell them I see my service beyond anything as 'volunteering.'

For some reason however even when I lived in Canada I found that I mostly do this on my own. Where I lived there wasnt any Sikhs or access to Sikhism. All of my access has been online. Local support is not possible unfortunately.

My transition is very slow as a result. I feel if I go any slower I'd be standing still (lol). I just dont know what to do. I often feel that I dont need their approval so long as I have my parents. You see I have never been close to my brothers. So this isnt too much of a surprise. I find that Im not even surprised or hurt when I hear about the things they've said about me. I dont allow it to bother me but something inside me feels that family bonds are important but then another part of me asks 'if the bonds are poisonous and make you feel guilty and negative about yourself are they worth keeping?'

I live abroad from my family, I always have. My bonds are tied only through skype chats and the occasional visit. What should I do? Try and mend these bonds even though they seem to want to speak horrible things about me behind my back, or ignore the negativity and continue my path (with hopefully online support) and hope they will come to terms with my chosen path?

[singhbj]

Nimuie you can do Seva, humanitarian service without converting.

Check out
http://www.khalsaaid.org

Just go about learning Gurmukhi & contemplating Gurbani online.

If you are into Yoga & Meditation then contact
http://www.3ho.org

You can also volunteer in India
http://barusahib.org/about-us/who-we-are/

As for relations, will share what I have learned through experience.
All ties are based on give n take.
Once you stop providing, they will stop caring.
There is an old saying "Out of sight out of mind".
After marriage, wife & kids are top priority for a man, not siblings.
Similarly a married girl is no longer the responsibility of parents & brothers.
She must follow her husband as per Dharma.

Hope you get the drift.

[Nimuie]

Hello,

Thank you for the links, they are very helpful.

I understand the relations advice however family relations are never this simple. Daughters will always turn to her mother when in need of advice, brothers and sisters will always provide support to each other even after they are married and have their own houses. It is the nature of the family.

My issue is this: I am a white single female who is converting is Sihki. I live abroad, I travel a lot and volunteer abroad a lot. My brothers are married with children of their own but tell their children things like "auntie doesnt care about her family, she puts other families first" when referring to my volunteer work abroad in poverty reduction. I miss holidays, birthdays and Christmas' because I am abroad with other families and children.

One of my nieces is 10 and very mature however. We skype often and she told me she understands why I do what I do. She understands that her birth place gives her privileges and her socioeconomic status and citizenship bring her peace and safety. She understand that, but my other nieces and nephews who are young and who see their fathers as truth tellers, it hurts me to know they say negative things about me to them. They dont know any better. They arent old enough to reflect on my actions and the world and themselves in it. I hope you understand. I come from a small rural town in Northern Canada. My brothers say these things not only to their children but neighbors. This is how I know, they email me to tell me. They ask me "why did your brother say you arent coming home for Thanksgiving because you are going on ANOTHER trip to _____" Forgetting that these are not 'trips' they are service, they are needed, and they change the world.

I guess all I can do is try to stay in contact with my nieces and nephews and hope that one day my brothers will see that my sacrifices to help others is something important to me and to humanity - hands should be used to heal, not just earn a wage and buy the latest iphone - and hope that my neighbors can see what my 10 year old niece already sees. Though sometimes I think shes special with her observations of the world. For a girl growing up in PEI on a horse farm she has a lot to say about the world and its direction.

I guess I will just have to ride it out as we say. Hold on tight and hope this wagon is taking me home.

[singhbj]

Nimuie you are living your life the way you want.

I don't understand what seems to be the problem, why you wanna change & convert.

Yes relationships are complicated and I think that your brothers are right.

They are concerned about your wellbeing coz ur single woman working in foreign land.

Knowing that Thanksgiving & Christmas are times when family gets together you should have taken leave.

It is unwise to think without you tasks cannot be accomplished.

Volunteer work has been going on since ages & God willing will continue in future.

Take time off to make your parents, family & yourself happy.

If you feel uncomfortable in going alone get an escort like the movie

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_Date

:-)

[Nimuie]

I dont think you understand my problem fully. Perhaps its due to my inability to convey it clearly.

Thank you anyway for your advice.

[singhbj]

I dont think you understand my problem fully. Perhaps its due to my inability to convey it clearly.

Thank you anyway for your advice.

Please tell me I would like to know.

Am going to send you a Personal Message here on this forum.

Log in & check "new messages".