Insights on family obligations for a non Sikh Hello , It’s

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Insights on family obligations for a non Sikh Hello , It’s

Postby LaFiera » Fri Feb 02, 2018 5:34 pm

Hello ,

It’s a long and complicated story, so please bear with me. I am seeking some input and insights on some underlying familial customs/traditions/obligations. I want to know out of a genuine intention to gain more knowledge about the Sikh customs and way of life based on a recent situation.

I was dating a Sikh man for close to a year, and we recently ended our relationship. We had a very happy relationship where I met a lot of his family and vice versa, travelled together, and even went to gurdwaras together. We embraced each other’s cultures, faiths and families openly. His family was wonderful to me, and accepted treated me very well. I am a biracial (Hispanic and Pacific Islander) Catholic woman living in North America, and we always knew there were big cultural differences but it never really mattered and we made it work (at least at the time). He was not a “baptized” Sikh as he used to describe himself; he cut his hair, had several tattoos, etc.

He moved to North America by himself from Punjab, India and has been living here for close to three years. His father passed away suddenly when he was 15, and since then he’s said that he’s had a huge responsibility to take care of his mother and younger sister. He always used to talk to me about the sacrifices he’s had to make, and that he feels he’s missed out on a lot of opportunities in life. He moved to North America after getting his sister married, and had been living here by himself with only a few cousins in the area.

Anyways, fast track to nine months into the relationship, we found out I was pregnant and had a very serious conversation about what to do. We decided to keep the baby and get married, and told or families. While everyone was shocked because it was obviously unplanned and very soon into the relationship, they were happy and supportive. Then his sister and husband were moved to North America, and we got into a few significant arguments about our lives because he would have to take care of them until they were okay enough to live on their own and be independent. The plan was he would get them settled then move in with me until the baby came. He was so excited for the baby and told so many family and friends and planned for it. The pregnancy was very hard on me physically, and because he wasn’t living with me and I was very sick I felt really alone. It was very stressful on our relationship. After some pretty bad arguments about me feeling alone and his family obligations, he told me he didn’t think I’d ever be happy because of his obligations to his family. He said he couldn’t be selfish with his life anymore and he had to take care of his family and it wasn’t a good idea to have the baby anymore.

Anyways, we didn’t have the baby both due to these circumstances and health issues, and it was devastating. He kept talking about his family obligations and how I would never be happy, and I just am having a hard time understanding. Family is so important for me too in my culture and religion, but I don’t understand how he could turn his back on me when we were so happy and planned to marry and have a family. Especially with his family knowing and supporting us. If he was always concerned about this issue, why would he stay with me so long? Why introduce me to his family? Why decide to have this baby and be so happy and excited about it?

I’ve accepted the situation and I know we’re not right for each other, but I just would like to get some insights and thoughts from others on this situation. Are these family obligations really so significant that you would walk away from a woman who you loved deeply and planned to spend your life with, and your family met and supported? I just want to understand...

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.
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Re: Insights on family obligations for a non Sikh Hello ,

Postby Superstar » Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:29 am

You have already written two things that have shown that he turned his back on his religion. If he can turn his back on religion, you think he wouldn't do it to you?
1) He cut hair.
2) He engaged in sexual relationship with a person whom he wasn't married to. Indulged in fornication. It is against Catholic beliefs too so you had turned your back on your religion as well.
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Re: Insights on family obligations for a non Sikh Hello ,

Postby dalipsingh5 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:48 am

From your long story, it sounds like everything was fine until his sister & her husband came to America, and she has changed his mind to stop him marrying you. She probably has found someone from India for him from a rich family etc. This is how they think, money takes precedence over everything (your feelings and happiness). Don't lose heart, forget him and move on with your like. I hope you got something good out of the relationship like our knowledge of wonderful religion.
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