Divorce

[MrHarrySingh]

WJKK WJKF,

Not sure where to start but here goes. Im a mid 20 year old singh being divorced. Though this might not be uncommon now it doesn't make it feel anybetter especially with the knowledge of why this happened.
I was married 2 years (it was arranged). The first year went fine though there were always questions about my wifes family as there was always a feeling something was hidden. After a year she began to show her true colours in tormenting me with things through the night and day, always trying to engage me in an argument. She always wanted to drive a wedge between me and my family. I did my best to juggle and make everyone happy, but as far as she went it wasn't enough.
Then her mother got involved and I was even blackmailed and had all my family insulted and slandered. she subsequently took my wife with her. Here the truth began to unravel, i found a banking book with which showed my wife having used a false name to gain an safety deposit box using her mothers address. This account had been open one moth after our marriage and only accessed once. Its my belief she put all the wedding gold in this account and then emptied it. I know it was to decieve me for some reason as the documents were hidden in a box of dishes. Anyway at this point I knew that questions had to be answered. I managed to get in contact with people who knew their family well and was shocked to learn what I did.
My mother and father in law ere both divorced 1 month before i got engaged but pretended to still be married to us all. My sister in-law had been divorced which i knew but i discovered she was married to an amridhari gursikh and the reasons for her divorce were different to what i was told (it made me sick). I also learn of all the debt her family were in and the many court cases her mother was involved in. I felt like I had been betrayed and used.
When my wife learnt of me trying to find out what was going on she asked for divorce (even to this point I hadn't asked for one as I dont believe in it). the worst part was yet to come, before any of the bad times came one of my then best friends got engaged to my sister in law at my house. When I tried to explain to him what was going on he called me a liar and advised me theres two sides to every story (which i agree there are). He decided not to even beleieve my other friends who witnessed and heard everything that happened in front of them. So I decided not to advise himof anything I later learnt like the things i learnty about my inlaws or the dodgy accounts.
But i feel so cut and abused.ike all i was, was someones meal ticket. I come from a gursikh parvar and we trusted my in-laws as they were gursikhs too. But how can i ever trust again when someone in the gurus roop can do all this. How can I heal my heart and soul? even now they play games with me and lie to those around them. They even pretend to some my wife is still with me. What can i or should i do? I do my sewa and what naam I can but im so hurt deep down I dare not show it as it hurts others. Please help.

WJKK WJKF

[Harbhajan S. Sangha]

WJKK WJKF,

Not sure where to start but here goes. Im a mid 20 year old singh being divorced. Though this might not be uncommon now it doesn't make it feel anybetter especially with the knowledge of why this happened.
I was married 2 years (it was arranged). The first year went fine though there were always questions about my wifes family as there was always a feeling something was hidden. After a year she began to show her true colours in tormenting me with things through the night and day, always trying to engage me in an argument. She always wanted to drive a wedge between me and my family. I did my best to juggle and make everyone happy, but as far as she went it wasn't enough.
Then her mother got involved and I was even blackmailed and had all my family insulted and slandered. she subsequently took my wife with her. Here the truth began to unravel, i found a banking book with which showed my wife having used a false name to gain an safety deposit box using her mothers address. This account had been open one moth after our marriage and only accessed once. Its my belief she put all the wedding gold in this account and then emptied it. I know it was to decieve me for some reason as the documents were hidden in a box of dishes. Anyway at this point I knew that questions had to be answered. I managed to get in contact with people who knew their family well and was shocked to learn what I did.
My mother and father in law ere both divorced 1 month before i got engaged but pretended to still be married to us all. My sister in-law had been divorced which i knew but i discovered she was married to an amridhari gursikh and the reasons for her divorce were different to what i was told (it made me sick). I also learn of all the debt her family were in and the many court cases her mother was involved in. I felt like I had been betrayed and used.
When my wife learnt of me trying to find out what was going on she asked for divorce (even to this point I hadn't asked for one as I dont believe in it). the worst part was yet to come, before any of the bad times came one of my then best friends got engaged to my sister in law at my house. When I tried to explain to him what was going on he called me a liar and advised me theres two sides to every story (which i agree there are). He decided not to even beleieve my other friends who witnessed and heard everything that happened in front of them. So I decided not to advise himof anything I later learnt like the things i learnty about my inlaws or the dodgy accounts.
But i feel so cut and abused.ike all i was, was someones meal ticket. I come from a gursikh parvar and we trusted my in-laws as they were gursikhs too. But how can i ever trust again when someone in the gurus roop can do all this. How can I heal my heart and soul? even now they play games with me and lie to those around them. They even pretend to some my wife is still with me. What can i or should i do? I do my sewa and what naam I can but im so hurt deep down I dare not show it as it hurts others. Please help.

WJKK WJKF

Mr. Harry Singh Ji:

SAT SIRI AKAL

Please remember this world is full of TAKERS, but you are a true GIVER!
Kindly review the the following article and if I can help you in way please feel free to email me: Harbhajansangha@Hotmail.com
Perhaps if possible we can talk about this matter on the phone, since I am in Canada !

With Divine Love & Blessings of Waheguru Ji,

Harbhajan S. Sangha
_______________________________________________________________________________

source: http://www.positive-way.com/letting_go_ ... ionshi.htm

Letting Go of a Past Relationship

Are you having a hard time letting go of a past relationship and moving forward? Recommended Reading: Rebuilding - When Your Relationship Ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher. This book is a turning point for recovery once a relationship has ended. We highly recommend it.

Have you really let go of your past relationship? Find out by answering the following statements with either True or False.

I think of my former love partner often.

I fantasize about being with my former love partner.

I find excuses to talk to my former love partner.

I talk about my former love partner often to others.

I am angry with my former love partner.

I still try to please my former love partner.

I still have an emotional commitment to my former love partner.

I still think my former partner and I will get back together.

I become emotionally upset when I think about my former love partner.

If you answered True to at least one or more of the above statements then you may not have completely let go of your past relationship. You are carrying around some extra baggage that could get in the way of you starting a new relationship and moving forward in a more positive way.

Reluctance to let go of a past relationship is really a sign of unexpressed feelings - feelings that have been suppressed and not fully felt because of the inability to face such feelings. You may be afraid to let go because it will force you to deal directly with your feelings of rejection, guilt, loneliness, etc. So, you avoid feeling the feelings by not letting go. You will probably have to face the feelings directly before you will be able to let go. Ask yourself "What feeling would I feel the strongest if I did let go of my ex-love?" Maybe your reluctance to let go is actually covering up your inability to face the primary feeling that is underneath. If you feel the need for support with this, please seek out a counselor, minister or a friend.

Put your time and energy into investing in your own personal growth instead of investing in a relationship that has ended. There is no return on the investment in the relationship's emotional corpse. In contrast, the greatest possible return comes from investment in you.

The big question remains - "How do you let go?" or "How do I stop loving that person?" It is much easier to let go, of course, if you have other things going for you. A good job, a good support system, friends, and relatives who are helpful and supportive, some sort of internal fullness rather than emptiness - all of these will help fill the void created when the beloved person is removed.

Here are some specific things Dr. Bruce Fisher in his book Rebuilding suggests you can do to help yourself let go.

1. Go through your house and remove all of those things that tend to keep you thinking about your former love partner. Pictures, gifts, and similar mementos can be removed so that they are not a constant reminder.
2. If you lived together then you may need to rearrange the furniture in the house, perhaps even to make the house look as different as possible from the way it was when you were living together.
3. The shared bed is often an especially important symbol. You may need to put the bed in another room, sell it, or at least move it to a new spot in the bedroom. Change the coverings for a new look.
4. Make a collection of all those reminders of your former love relationship and store them in a box in the attic, garage, or basement.
5. Some weekend you may choose to do some implosive grieving, whereby you bring out all of these mementos and set aside a period of time to grieve a heavily as possible. This period will probably be very depressing and having another person around for support could help. Becoming as much out of control as possible in your grieving may help you to let go more rapidly. By increasing the intensity of the grief, this implosive grieving may shorten the number of weeks or months it takes you to let go fully.
6. Refuse to play the game. Don't return phone calls, letters, or emails from the person you are trying to let go of. You will have to become assertive, or perhaps even start hanging up the phone or returning letters unanswered and unopened.
7. Whenever you find yourself weeping about that person, think about something painful or something unpleasant in the love relationship. That will lead you to stop thinking abut the person. Choose another image to concentrate on, instead of focusing on the past love.

Forgiveness helps. To forgive the other person and yourself try the following:

1. Write down the name of the person that has hurt you in the past. Explain in detail what they did to hurt you. Holding on to past hurts and anger only hurts you and keeps you from leading a more positive fulfilling life. Now read and review the words you have written. Repeat to yourself and out loud the following. "I forgive (name names) and I release the hurt and anger I have felt and now go free." THEN TEAR UP THE LIST!
2. Write down all the things you have said or done to this person that you are not proud of and/or are sorry for. The act of writing things down and putting them onto paper is healing in and of itself. Now read and review the list. Repeat to yourself and out loud the following: "I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time and now I forgive myself and go free." THEN TEAR UP THE LIST!

Research has shown that the act of writing down all of your feelings and expressing your emotions on paper can help the healing process. This process helps remove these feelings from inside of you and allows you to view them on paper as an outsider looking in and therefore gives you a chance to read, release, forgive, and go free. You must try this - it is a powerful exercise and can be very, very effective. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and this gift has the power to release you and lift your spirit. You can and will have a new beginning in life and a new attitude when you forgive. Release yourself and go free.

[suji singh]

MrHarrySingh Ji ---

First and foremost, you have my sympathy for your loss, loss of wife and loss of property. Here are few bullet points, opinions, that you may consider as you move on with your life:

1. Arranged Marriage: In the future, you need to research the family before making any commitments. An honest middle-person should do this anyway! In some cases, you may have to hire a private investigator to do this type of research. A middle-person may also be a co-conspirator! You cannot carte blanche trust anyone if you have assets. Too much fraud!

2. They targeted you for this fraud for your $ and property. Now, this is behind you, cut your losses and move on. Learn from this experience. They wanted to separate you from your family to gain control of your assets.

3. If you show emotional weakness and pursue your former wife, you will be a victim all over again. It appears that your former wife did not marry you to create an everlasting family-life with you. This happens quite often in an arranged-marriage which often involve family entaglements vs. a love-marriage where a couple generally marries for the sole benfit of each other.

4. Too bad your friend did not listen to you. So, you lost a friend too! You are lucky enough to catch this fraud in its infacy. Count your belssings and create a fresh life for yourself.

I