Kaur needing help with Turban Dilemma??

[Elina Elmira]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

(Sorry for the long post!! Please read all of it if you have the time.)

Hi, guys. I'm pretty new to Sikhi, and I would like some help with a problem I've had for several months now.

See, I would like to start covering my hair sometime in the future, specifically with a turban. The problem is, though, I have a condition that heightens my senses. The tiniest things can throw me into a full scale panic attack; even something as tiny as the seams in a sock or the tag on my pants can freak me out. Unfortunately, right above the nape of my neck and my ears are two of the most sensitive parts on my body. It's so bad, I can't even wear hats and I struggle beyond belief with wearing helmets. A turban would, very likely, overwhelm me in a few minutes and cause me to break down.

Due to this, I'd likely have to resort to a headscarf... But I don't want to somehow offend any hijabi women, as I'd be wearing short sleeves, have some of my hair showing, interacting with male friends physically, etc... To add on to that, I don't want to be immediately classified as a Muslim woman, since I would like my identity as a Sikh to be as clear as possible.

Finally, on my off days, I wouldn't even be able to wear a headscarf. That would mean I'd inconsistently be switching between a bare head and a covered head when I go to school. My fears about this? It'll seem disrespectful, people will just start thinking I'm wearing it for fashion, people will think I'm trying to get attention, and etc...

I understand that In Sikhi, turban is more than just covering your head. For me, any form of headcovering appeals to me for four main reasons. One, I live in a rather sexualized community. Headscarves and turbans would help me indicate that I was religious, and it would keep away bad company. Two, I've tried being in public with a headscarf before, and it made an amazing difference towards my attitude. I am not someone who thinks before they speak or do, but with a headscarf, it was almost making me more aware of my choices. Three, I have rather short hair, so I would like to grow it out. I live in a sunny area, so I'd need to protect it from the sun; I work with kids who have cut and pulled out my hair before, so I need to protect it from them; and a variety of other reasons. Finally, I feel a thousand times more confident with a turban or a scarf on. I've always struggled with self image, and when I look in the mirror with my head covered, I feel more self-confident, beautiful, and charismatic.

My main question is, how do you guys feel about this?

1. If you saw a Kaur with a bare head on one day, and a covered head on the next, would you feel she wasn't dedicated or that she was just doing it for attention?

2. Would it be strange for me to wear a turban one day then a scarf the next?

3. How could I explain to people my choices in the inconsistency?

4. How could I maintain the Sikh identity while wearing a headscarf or nothing on my head? (besides the 5Ks. I'm already trying to grow out my hair, and schools will not allow Kirpan.)

5. Will I somehow reflect badly on religious women who cover? (Orthodox Jews, Muslims, etc...)

6. Should I even try covering my hair? If I can't do it daily, should I just not do it at all??

Thank you so much for reading.

<3

[Superstar]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

"1. If you saw a Kaur with a bare head on one day, and a covered head on the next, would you feel she wasn't dedicated or that she was just doing it for attention?"
I wouldn't jump to conclusions just based on head covering. There is more dedication required from the mind than the body. Body is controlled by the mind. If mind is good and intention is clean and holy, it would be alright. In this case, it is for health purposes. Also, covering your head with scarf one day and turban the other day isn't a kurehit / wrong doing. It isn't as black and white as it may seem.

"2. Would it be strange for me to wear a turban one day then a scarf the next?"

It would be strange to those who don't know you or are not educated about you but that would go for having a scarf or turban anyways.

"3. How could I explain to people my choices in the inconsistency?"
You can explain based on the situation you are facing. It depends on how you explain.

"4. How could I maintain the Sikh identity while wearing a headscarf or nothing on my head? (besides the 5Ks. I'm already trying to grow out my hair, and schools will not allow Kirpan.)"
Keeping your hair intact is the first practice, you only need to keep kirpan if you choose to become initiated into the Khalsa. Being a Khalsa brings more responsibilities than just being a Sikh as it being part of an army and not just being a civilian. As long as you are following Gurbani and staying far away from Bajjar Kurehits, you will be accepted by Guru.

Keeping hair is a must for all Sikhs as cutting them is bajjar kurehit which automatically makes a person an apostate.

"5. Will I somehow reflect badly on religious women who cover? (Orthodox Jews, Muslims, etc...)"

I wouldn't be able to comment on other religions or how they would feel.

"6. Should I even try covering my hair? If I can't do it daily, should I just not do it at all??"

It is important to cover your head when in public unless you are facing a medical situation in that case it is a different situation. You can also get something called a Chunni which is a long light scarf and can cover your head. Please see below:

http://www.sikharchives.com/wp-content/ ... -scarf.jpg

If there are issues with getting used to it, you may also choose to wear a small bandana type of scarf.

[loveforsikhi]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

(Sorry for the long post!! Please read all of it if you have the time.)

Hi, guys. I'm pretty new to Sikhi, and I would like some help with a problem I've had for several months now.

See, I would like to start covering my hair sometime in the future, specifically with a turban. The problem is, though, I have a condition that heightens my senses. The tiniest things can throw me into a full scale panic attack; even something as tiny as the seams in a sock or the tag on my pants can freak me out. Unfortunately, right above the nape of my neck and my ears are two of the most sensitive parts on my body. It's so bad, I can't even wear hats and I struggle beyond belief with wearing helmets. A turban would, very likely, overwhelm me in a few minutes and cause me to break down.

Due to this, I'd likely have to resort to a headscarf... But I don't want to somehow offend any hijabi women, as I'd be wearing short sleeves, have some of my hair showing, interacting with male friends physically, etc... To add on to that, I don't want to be immediately classified as a Muslim woman, since I would like my identity as a Sikh to be as clear as possible.

Finally, on my off days, I wouldn't even be able to wear a headscarf. That would mean I'd inconsistently be switching between a bare head and a covered head when I go to school. My fears about this? It'll seem disrespectful, people will just start thinking I'm wearing it for fashion, people will think I'm trying to get attention, and etc...

I understand that In Sikhi, turban is more than just covering your head. For me, any form of headcovering appeals to me for four main reasons. One, I live in a rather sexualized community. Headscarves and turbans would help me indicate that I was religious, and it would keep away bad company. Two, I've tried being in public with a headscarf before, and it made an amazing difference towards my attitude. I am not someone who thinks before they speak or do, but with a headscarf, it was almost making me more aware of my choices. Three, I have rather short hair, so I would like to grow it out. I live in a sunny area, so I'd need to protect it from the sun; I work with kids who have cut and pulled out my hair before, so I need to protect it from them; and a variety of other reasons. Finally, I feel a thousand times more confident with a turban or a scarf on. I've always struggled with self image, and when I look in the mirror with my head covered, I feel more self-confident, beautiful, and charismatic.

My main question is, how do you guys feel about this?

1. If you saw a Kaur with a bare head on one day, and a covered head on the next, would you feel she wasn't dedicated or that she was just doing it for attention?

2. Would it be strange for me to wear a turban one day then a scarf the next?

3. How could I explain to people my choices in the inconsistency?

4. How could I maintain the Sikh identity while wearing a headscarf or nothing on my head? (besides the 5Ks. I'm already trying to grow out my hair, and schools will not allow Kirpan.)

5. Will I somehow reflect badly on religious women who cover? (Orthodox Jews, Muslims, etc...)

6. Should I even try covering my hair? If I can't do it daily, should I just not do it at all??

Thank you so much for reading.

<3

Dear Kaur
I’ll start by saying I’m a Kaur too by the way.
I am sorry that your medical condition is complicating things for you. It must be frustrating and difficult to cope with. I am sending you lots of love and hugs. I get why going straight to a turban will be too overwhelming.

People are probably going to give you different responses, I don’t know. So here is my opinion. It sounds like a head covering is really important to you, and you want to be able to do it. It’s just that your condition is getting in the way of you making that possible right now. In which case I think its totally appropriate for you to do an “exposure therapy” of sorts. I have seen this work for other things, like people who are extremely anxious/panicked by certain situations and slowly building up to being able to do it without a panic attack. I had a different scenario, but I’ve personally used exposure therapy to overcome my panic attacks. It was a hard process but it worked for me. So for you that exposure therapy would be wearing a head scarf on some days, the days you felt okay about it. Then building up to wearing it more, until you are comfortable wearing it. Then building up to a turban. That’s why I would say yes, its worth trying it because it is very important to you, and you get lots of benefits from it. So if the only thing deterring you is not being able to do it daily, don’t let that stop you. You are working towards building up to doing it daily. Its not that you are simply being inconsistent for no reason, you have other factors complicating the situation. If you feel that time is going to help your situation you can wait to start this whole process. But if time really isn’t going to change your condition, then it makes sense to try to wear the headscarf on days you can. Like you could try doing this in the summertime instead of school if that’s going to help.

Honestly yes if I knew a Kaur and I saw her with a bare head one day and covered the next I would be curious. I might make some assumptions or I might ask. But that’s my problem. I really should not be assuming. So what I’m trying to say is if someone says something negative, don’t worry because they don’t know the whole picture. Don’t worry about other people- they comment about everything all the time for no reason at all. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you should find something you are comfortable saying as an explanation if someone asks. You could say even that you have a medical condition, and you are doing your best to wearing your headscarf/turban as much as often but due to medical reasons you are not yet able to do it daily. Or you could come up with something else- as much as you feel like sharing! Even saying “im trying to get used/adjust to wearing a headscarf.” I know a lot of Sikh women who wear a chunni or tie a ramal instead of doing a turban.

I’m not sure if this will be offensive to other people. Its hard to tell. The thing that would probably a most risk for offending is probably the part where you’ve said you’d be interacting with male friends physically, etc. This might be confusing for people who would identify a religious person as not partaking in that type of activity. They might be feeling like you are misrepresenting them as well.

Lastly, remember, Sikhi is a lot about what goes on inside and not just appearances. There’s lots in just the way we remember and see God in everything, in sharing what we earn, acting honestly, being just, etc. There's lots you can do to maintain your identity, including growing out your hair and wearing a kara.