Advice Requested

[Katearina]

Hello Everyone,

I am pretty new in my Sikhi journey, and would like some input on my situation.

My entire family is Christian. My family came to Christianity when I was in middle school. My husband and his family are born-and-raised Christians. II fit in with my family, but I do not fit in with their faith. I have studied Christianity extensively and, while I have found truth there, I have also found a lot of what feel like non-truth for me. Speaking of truth, I literally have “seek truth” tattooed on my body. It is what I have always lived for, and, in my 32 years, I have slowly learned more and more about God and truth, the type of knowing that is deep in my being. I have always struggled to find a group of people or way of life that aligns with the truth that I know. When I began studying Sikhi and reading SGGS, I felt like I was coming home. I felt truth, and I continue to feel truth as I pray and study. This is obviously exciting for me. I am challenging myself to take my time and not over-commit. My husband knows where I am at in my journey, but no one else in my family does. I fear that I will be treated differently (in a negative way) if they learn my truth.

Myself, my husband, and his mother live in a small, rural community of about 6000. The community supports itself through agriculture and the oil field. Nearly everyone is conservative Christian. There is next to no diversity here, religion or otherwise. I have a good job that I enjoy. However, my co-workers (and a great deal of other people I interact with here) are quick to speak negatively of people and/or issues that are different from what they consider normal. I do my best to educate as I am able, and fight for the fact that different does not mean bad or less, and I get frustrated sometimes.

So, as I continue on my Sikhi path, I may get to the point where I am wearing the 5 Ks, which, while a big deal and exciting step for me spiritually, would also be a really big deal and point of gossip in my community. At that point, it will be glaringly obvious that I am different from the norm in this community in which I live. Of course, I already am different. I know this. I already don’t really fit in, but I can seem like I fit in as long as I keep my mouth shut as much as possible. The only reason I fear being found out is that I don’t want to be discriminated against or harmed in any way.

For those of you who are reading and willing to share: do you find that you face discrimination for being Sikhi? How do you handle any potential discrimination or misunderstanding?

Also, does anyone have any recommendations for how to become more active in the Sikh Community when they live so far away from pretty much everything? The nearest Gurdwara is about 3 hours away and in Canada. I will be in a city next month that has a Gurdwara, so I will obviously be going there. I’m arranging to meet with someone to discuss my concerns and Sikhi in general while I am there, as well.

If anyone reading has anything to say they feel I would benefit from hearing at this point on my journey, I welcome the input.

Thank you for your consideration,

Katie

[Gaganjeet]

Hello Katie, thankyou for sharing. I can completely understand your situation. Believe me every sikh outside his community or Punjab faces some problems. I was even made fun of in school by my teachers though the school was in India. So let me tell you, you need to be determined with complete faith in your guru. I hope you remember what Guru said - SAWA LAAKH SE EK LADAON, TABEH GOBIND SINGH NAAM KAHAUN - I will make my sikh fight an army of 125000. As a sikh we have to constantly fight our relatives, friends, society, etc. Not everyone can do this. Most of the Sikhs give in to the demands of their relatives, etc. when organising weddings, sikh prayers, etc. Just to please them, they will alter everything from the food served (alcohol, meat, etc.) to the final ceremony, etc.
What I am trying to say is that we have to walk the path that we find appropriate irrespective of the people around. Guru says - JEH MARAG KE GANEH JAYE NA KOSA, HAR KA NAAM UHA SANG TOSA - There will be a path of uncountable miles (referring to our journey after death), there will be only the lords name to accompany you. No friend, society or family member will be there to stand by you.
You just need to be kind to people around when they question you as they are also helpless because of their KARAM. Guru says that when you accept the path of the true Guru, it is a sigh of good deeds done in the past that had been accumulating one by one. Finally when they are in good number, the universe opens the true path realising your potential of walking on that path. Just talk nicely and try to educate them. They may not agree because their good deeds have not yet accumulated as yours. It will take time. Just think/ imagine that you have earned good money to buy a valuable thing and they have not yet earned or saved to buy the same thing.
This will also give you peace of mind. Regarding your 5K's - avoid displaying them if you don't feel much confident. You can just cover your hair with a scarf, wear a small KIRPAN like most of us at work do like wearing a small one from inside of your shirt, KURTA, etc. Keep a small KANGA (wooden comb) near the root of your braid (hair tied in strands) or below the knot of your hair.
If you wish to tie a turban, tie a small one and most of the modelling agencies are promoting turbans as a fashionable trend. it looks elegant too. You can check many styles on youtube that look elegant and nice. Whichever way you feel comfortable, just go with it having the true Guru by your side.
Now that you have taken a decision, I would recommend you to kindly take the dip after doing ARDAAS (prayer) to the Guru. Make something sweet (should be without eggs and meat) with your hands and keep it on a high place at the place where you do your prayers, meditation, etc. and do the prayer to the guru to help you and give you strength. Ask the guru to bless the PRASAD (preparation) and eat it as guru's blessing, and serve it among the people around or the poor as per the quantity made. There is a big significance of offering something to the guru when doing ardaas for taking a significant decision or journey.
When you go to the Gurudwara, if there is not a congregation or some programme going on, ask the GYANI ji (priest) to take a HUKUMNAMA for you. Else, ask for the Hukumnama that Guru gave at the end of the congregation. Ask him (priest) or anyone there to explain. Or note the page number and the first 2 lines and share it on this forum. The cyber sangat will help translate it in simple English. Remember when you go to gurudwara, that you are going to meet the guru and not anyone else. Then the guru will send the right person to you to help you with your questions.
Enjoy the Guru's love and walk be ecstatic of sitting in the Guru's lap. A sikh not only takes Amrit (nectar prepared when giving 5K's) externally but the Amrit also flows through his/her words, eyes, demeanour, almost everything. This nectar will make you kind and loving to everyone. And you yourself will know when to reprimand someone, else just overflow with the love of your guru.
It is a journey that you have to walk and no one will help or accompany you when you stand in the guru's court. Only your good deeds (seva, selfless service) and NAAM (meditation) will stand by you. I hope and pray that you stay strong and blissful.

[Katearina]

Gaganjeet,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful, thorough response. You have given me a great deal to think about and apply to my journey. Thank you again!

Katie