Ho do you deal with a dysfunctional family?

[UKSingh123]

Sat Sri Akal,

I am in need of some advice on a particular matter that is beginning to annoy me and sadden me.

The dynamics of my family are that my mum lives at home with my younger brother, sister in law, nephew and niece, my father passed away four years ago. I live on my own and have been living on my own for the last three months.

I am the eldest son and whenever I go to visit or whilst I was living at my mums house (for about a year), I have continuously witnessed both my brother and sister in law bully my mum. It saddens me as I did not expect any of this behaviour, especially from my younger brother.

The bullying I have noticed appears to take different forms for e.g. saying the opposite to what my mum says, name calling (during arguments) etc. Basically, my mum is never right in any of the decisions she makes related to family matters, cooking etc. and is made to feel helpless.

My sister in law likes to throw her weight around, my mum owns a big house and my sister in law has taken over the household in running daily household chores e.g. cooking, cleaning etc. My mum too is a good cook and I'm not just saying that because I'm her son, However, has not been able to because of irrational comments about her cooking that are made or due to the fact that my brother and
sister in law will refuse to eat what she cooks. The dynamics of the family have changed so much since my father’s death that my mum has been made to feel like an outsider in her own home, as my sister in law is very territorial, not that she has contributed a penny towards my mums £1m+ house.

My extended family don’t particularly like going to my mother’s house due to the nature of these specific individuals as no one likes to walk into a household where they are made to feel unwanted. I too am beginning to feel the same way, despite my mum calling me every so often to come over for dinner.

I feel that my mum’s voice has been silenced through this ordeal and I can see how the situation is affecting her and physically and mentally, as my sister in law quite often lies about things during an argument and denies all knowledge.

When my mum comes over to stay with me from time to time, she tells me how she likes staying with me as she feels happy. I'm the sort of guy that does not particularly like conflict and as much as I always like to do the right thing and enjoy my mums company, however, my mum and I feel that she should not give up her house in the name of bullying tactics as all of my father’s memories reside there.

I once tried to defend my mother during a family feud in commenting that it is easy to cause trouble, than make a family work and was only told to keep out of it!

What makes the situation worse is that my sister in law has behaved in the same way with me in displaying rude & obnoxious behaviour. She knows what she is doing as she often has a smirk on her face when I act civil and greet her. I really am not the sort of guy to play games; I'm a 37yr old man. I don’t know what she wants from this? Sometimes, I think maybe it’s a reaction to make me look bad? On the same note, you have to stick up for what is right also.

I've thought about different ways in how to handle the situation, however, cannot seem to come to a conclusion to one that will work in my favour. I feel cornered too as my younger brother I doubt will listen and will side with his wife, through right or wrong.

Her behaviour is becoming so rude to the degree that I feel that I am going to say something soon, no matter what bridges it burns in return.