Please can someone help me understand?

[UKSingh123]

WJKK WJKF,

I am a 37 year old divorced male and have been divorced for about two years now. Anyhow, I have finally found someone that I love and have been seeing each other for about 5 months now. My partner is also a Sikh, just of a different caste, not that this matters to me. So following what I thought to be right, my family and I went over to the girls house last weekend for a formal introduction and talk wedding dates, I can't quite understand why but my family don't seem to keen on her, based on physical appearance alone. Naturally, I asked why? And was told that she looks different from the rest of our family, has different features - physical attractiveness and that she has heavy hands and heavy feet! To me these are small things and are not a make or break situation. I don't quite understand the theory of this narrow minded way of thinking? She is more interested in what relatives will say based on her features! Why would something so small be a problem? Is this really what the world has come to?

I actually find here quite pretty, she is cute. I actually feel blessed that Waheguru Ji has helped me through the bad times and has finally introduced me to my soul mate.

I don't want a world class model, as I was married to someone extremely pretty before that had several affairs behind my back, so I've seen enough pain and would like to think that the process has made me a wiser man today.

I don't want a world class model, I want someone who is kind, caring and considerate that enjoys learning more about Sikhism.

Am I wrong in following my heart and thinking with my head? Listening to everyone has left me confused with a decisions that I was once 100% sure.

What should I do?

[Guest]

Just go by what ur heart says, also do take into account that does she arouse you sexually coz indeed that matters in marriage a lot, her nature must be an adjusting & understanding. Now compromising or blindly believing means she must have her own say in matters. Was ur previous marriage arranged one? If it was arranged then how can ur parents say anything in this regard?

[UKSingh123]

Hi Jasbeer, thank you for your reply. No my last marriage was actually a love marriage, however, I had my doubts just before the wedding and wanted to back off, but was not able to as it was too late.

I can only really go on the traits that I have seen so far, which have been fine, I have no complaints.

The thing here is it's different if it was an interfaith marriage, but I don't see anything wrong in marrying your own?

[Guest]

All I can say is that at this stage your family would like to see you settled and happy. They may be just worried because of your earlier broken marriage hence they may be having the fear of you repeating the mistake but it's you who will have to convince them. I think after meeting when they saw girl not that good looking as per their standards it resulted in more anxieties so their reaction is natural. But you will have to not only make them understand but also make them feel that her nature will overrun her looks (because that's what they don't seem to like essentially at first place) for that you can initiate communication between her and ur mom for example.

But when it comes to marriage just be selfish my friend, because it's after all you who will have to live your life, I agree we can't afford to annoy our parents and parents' happiness is any child's priority but it's through us only the relationship gets established. When when husband-wife becomes a weaklink then all relationships get broken. It's just my personal opinion brother, all may not agree with me and neither do I expect all to agree to it.
Take care Mate

[UKSingh123]

Thanks a million, your advice is of a sound nature and I am truly grateful for your thoughts and comments, because believe me when I say I was lost.

I am not of the selfish type which is why I guess I let myself get down about it, even if it means at the expense of making others happy. However, I think I need to be stronger about this, otherwise I might as well live a single life, which is no fun either from what I have seen.

[Guest]

Don't be in a fix because of pleasing others dear friend, marriage happens only between two persons and when the relationship between them is healthy the society, family is bound to bow. If you are happy others will have to be happy and If she is a Sikh then the major Taboo factor is also gone, hence go ahead.

Pleasure to hear that my advise is of use to you, thanks so much for those kind words, this life-cycle is a long long sojourn my friend as our Gurbani teaches we keep on coming and going, taking birth and dying and reaping results of our share of karma, this is the central belief of Gurbani. It's not me or you it's Waheguru himself who helps through us, may you get the perfect life partner through her.