PTSD- how do I connect to God?

[loveforsikhi]

Im in my early 20s and I have a recent diagnosis of PTSD and depression. This is the worst point in my life and as I understand it, this is when you are supposed to connect to God, right? I feel like the opposite is happening. I know God is everywhere, but I don't FEEL anything anymore. I still love Waheguru, I just don't know how to find Him within myself . Doing my paat has become difficult because my heart isn't in it, but I do it anyways hoping that it will help. In my head, the trauma keeps re-living itself. I guess my question is, how do you connect to God in this state of mind?

[loveforsikhi]

Im in my early 20s and I have a recent diagnosis of PTSD and depression. This is the worst point in my life and as I understand it, this is when you are supposed to connect to God, right? I feel like the opposite is happening. I know God is everywhere, but I don't FEEL anything anymore. I still love Waheguru, I just don't know how to find Him within myself . Doing my paat has become difficult because my heart isn't in it, but I do it anyways hoping that it will help. In my head, the trauma keeps re-living itself. I guess my question is, how do you connect to God in this state of mind?

I guess through my process of healing I'm going to try to answer my own question here. I'm still working on it but I've found some answers in my own soul-searching. It is really difficult to work on anything other than taking care to live another day in the acute phase of PTSD from a serious trauma and I think not a lot of people relate to this experience. Its important that you don't pressure yourself to heal quickly, and skip steps that are important in the healing. Acutely, you need to do whatever is best for taking care of yourself to survive another day. Just because you don't feel the connection as strongly, doesn't mean it isn't there, and doesn't mean that you are a bad person. You are finding your way to developing an even stronger connection, and strengthening your faith and this is just a piece of that process. Its just part of that process. Always remembering that you are God's child is important, and finding prayers in which you get comfort and relief from your pain will help you strengthen the connection. Acute PTSD means its difficult to even just live but its a good time to have people and things around that you do care about so you can remember that God is within those people, the Creator of all, and therefore you can connect that way. Putting on shabads as background music helps. I know that it can be angering to hear someone who doesn't struggle with mental illness to understand that your very mind itself is attacking you and its difficult to divert your attention elsewhere. Do what you need to do to survive, but remember that God is always there for you, waiting for you to find your way home. For anyone going through this, may you find the strength within yourself that God has already placed inside your soul. I can assure you that it exists.

[praytowaheguru]

Dear loveforsikhi

There is never an easy answer, but since you asked for advice- here is my humble opinion.

From the small amount of knowledge I have obtained from the world, I have noticed a few trends. First of all, forgive yourself! When people go through trauma, such as the soldiers that have gone through war, they continue to ask themselves or question themselves on how they could have prevented the trauma. There was no way to prevent it! If you knew then what you know now, there would be no growth. Forgive yourself for the moment, and vow to learn from it. Secondly, forget about the hope of trying to find some answers in reliving those memories. People tend to mull past memories over and over again in their head, maybe in the hope that a) they could gain some insight or wisdom into what happened b) somehow the past will change or c) some sort of punishment for what occurred (this is especially true in veterans). These things will not occur.

Thirdly, you asked about Waheguru. Now you are in search for truth and advice and this is why I am saying this. PTSD can be described in western psychology using words such as epinephrine and neurotransmitters. But it can also be described in eastern terminology. Something traumatic and devastating happened, which led to a fight between your ego/mind and the world. Now ego is not always bad, it just wants to protect you, but sometimes that can lead to destructive behavior. It starts to seem that the whole world is against you. To put it bluntly, you need to take control of your mind and change your thoughts. This is said throughout SGGS. Our mind sometimes has a mind of its own. You need to show who is boss. I remember one poet saying that after a traumatic event (her friend died), she thought about that event everyday for the next ten years, like she never left that spot. Can you imagine! Not only did you have to suffer in the present, you are setting yourself up to suffer in the future over something that may not be occurring anymore. And our guru has given us the perfect weapon against our mind. Waheguru!

To me Waheguru embodies what is beyond me and my control. It reminds me I can't control this world, but I have this energy (Waheguru!) within me. Whenever I say Waheguru, it cuts through my anxiety like a knife. I remember the world, the universe, I remember the flowers and nature. I remember the sun and the moon. I remember how Waheguru looks over the whole world. All of this energy is within me. I remember one quote from Guru Nanak.“He who has no faith in himself can never have faith in God." You are an extension of God.

Why do bad things happen to good people. Who knows? There can be many reasons, but you have the chance to not let it affect you negatively- only you have that power. Have faith young one. You will survive! You have the biggest ally in your corner.
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

[loveforsikhi]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your answer. It has given me some peace, a lot of hope, and much-needed guidance.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh