life decisions

[taniakaur92]

I want to tell my story alittle so you guys can tell me what you think. I come from a gursikh family , raised in Canada , after grade 12 my parents though I should go to univeristy in India so I can get my veternairan degree faster, so I went, I enjoyed India but I was still depressed, while I was my parents had a lot of problems with my brother as he cut his hair , started doing drugs and wasnt doing good in med school , the fights reflected on me a lot , I was always scared. I liked India but I was still a little depressed , I failed a class in my 3rd year and had to repeat the whole year again , it was devastating for me for awhile as my parents didnt come support me and i just went to the next year doing the same semester. My dad knew I wasnt really happy but eventually I started liking it. there wasnt good enough communication between us. My dad applied to a univeristy in America and 2 days before the skype interview he told me. I was very mad for not asking me at all. I took the interview and got in , 5 days later I had a flight home and then 2 weeks later to America. I was very depressed , it was hard for me there , I was 22 didn't feel ready, and comfortable. I ended up failing. My dad said we can apply to another school so he did I took a semester off and studied at home with a tutor and then went to the new school , I wasnt doing good again and failed 1st semester. then I did the semester again and I passed , I was ok with it and thought I will do this again , so when I got into 2 nd semester it was hard but I passed and now I am in 3rd semester and failed again. At this point I am not close to my dad at all, never been close to my brother , and a little close to my mom. I just always blame everything on them saying that noone payed attention to me when i was in school and then after grade 12 it was like oh u will be doctor. I gained a lot of weight in this whole time so i have no self confidence at all. I have always been quite and never say naythign to my parents even when they say how am I feeling what do I want. and now I dont say anythign but just scream once in awhile saying I have always been depressed thats why I fail. I am still in america and my mom decided to see me, My dad is very depressed as i failed and might not get accepted to do 3rd semester again, I tell myself if I stay here for my break learn from what i did wrong and pass then they will be happy , but my mom says they wont let me it do it now. I am 23 years old and very confused what I will do with my life now , and how I will go home as my dad is just going to be sad and mad. I dont know how to talk to my parents. They have always been not happy and stuff because they say until we dont become somethign they cant be happy just stressed., even though they have everything like a great business house and all. I dont know how to talk to them and how to go home. I have thought of leaving and finding a job somewhere and stuff.

[Bundha]

Hi, I will say it like I see it.
Seems a very bizarre situation, it is almost as if your parents do not want you around. You have been raised in Canada so why does your father send you to India to do a course? What was wrong with Canada? When you do not do so well, which seems perfectly understandable considering what you have to cope with, then he sets up an interview, without you knowing, and sends you off to the USA, you’d think he didn’t want you around. So now you are not doing so well what next? What is wrong with Canada? What is wrong with a course closer to home? Why is your father making all the decisions for you? Why is he choosing your courses and setting up all the interviews and you just going along with it? What happened to what you want to do? No wonder you are not doing well, not only are you having to do a course that maybe you do not want to do but you are also having to cope with being so far away from home and having to deal with a different culture!
There seems to be a communications problem within your family and a lack of care and love. But more importantly the question is - What do you want?
You need to first sit down and think what you want to do. Then sit down with your parents and explain to them that you need some input into what happens in your life. Tell them what you want to do, tell them you want to stay closer to home. Tell them there is no love in the family. Tell them they need to talk.
What good is making something of yourself if in the process you lose your family and your sanity.

[taniakaur92]

Someone please tell me what to do , I hav had thought to move and leave and find a job for awhile and live bymyself , my semester finishes tommorow and my parents will be booking me a ticket to come home but i dont want to go home but i also dont want to hurt them .

[taniakaur92]

Hi, I will say it like I see it.
Seems a very bizarre situation, it is almost as if your parents do not want you around. You have been raised in Canada so why does your father send you to India to do a course? What was wrong with Canada? When you do not do so well, which seems perfectly understandable considering what you have to cope with, then he sets up an interview, without you knowing, and sends you off to the USA, you’d think he didn’t want you around. So now you are not doing so well what next? What is wrong with Canada? What is wrong with a course closer to home? Why is your father making all the decisions for you? Why is he choosing your courses and setting up all the interviews and you just going along with it? What happened to what you want to do? No wonder you are not doing well, not only are you having to do a course that maybe you do not want to do but you are also having to cope with being so far away from home and having to deal with a different culture!
There seems to be a communications problem within your family and a lack of care and love. But more importantly the question is - What do you want?
You need to first sit down and think what you want to do. Then sit down with your parents and explain to them that you need some input into what happens in your life. Tell them what you want to do, tell them you want to stay closer to home. Tell them there is no love in the family. Tell them they need to talk.
What good is making something of yourself if in the process you lose your family and your sanity.

Yes you are right , actually there are no vet schools where I live and there are only 2 in canada I can apply to but hard to get into so thats why he sent me to India , then America. He has always made my decisions, I don't know how to say if I want to do something else because now at this point I feel I should finish this degree some how. It's not that I am not home I am sad , it is more we have no life in our family. everything is very dull. My brother doesnt talk to my dad much , he comes upstairs once awhile and that to my mom has to tell him to come say hi to my dad. My parents dont say much to him now but get mad when he spends a lot of money and doesnt even talk to them properly. stuff like this makes me really depressed as to why our family is like this. My dad comes home at 9 pm and he doesnt talk about much except how is school , are u preparing for next semester, like we have to be so careful how we behave , if we play to much with the dogs infront of him then we get in trouble because thats all we do , if we watch tv infront of them then , they will say thats all u guys do , if I say I want to volunteer with something , then I have to hear why dont u help in the clinic and business , why dont u post stuff online about the clinic, and all this. so I just keep quite and dont do as much. My mom tries to keep intouch with us and be more free with us , but most of the time she is at the clinic, so my breaks are very dull when I come home , then I go back to america for the semester and I am always sad I dont know why , I am just always depressed , I can't get myself to studying, even though I have everything here , like a nice place , my dog , decent friends. I think my depression comes from no attention , I feel every lonely at times. I talk to my mom everyday but its very dull like , do good in school ok , or u did mad in exams dad is gonna come to teach u. My dad will come for a fe days to help for my exams but I hate it , i dont know why , he just sits in my place all day , and just talks the notes out load to me , its horrible then I respond to him in a mean way like "ookkkk " or i just dont say anything and he tries to act all normal like , i have come all the way here to help you and you are behaving like this. I feel bad that I talk to him this way but I still do it. I am very confused. with all this my religious point of life has gone down the drain. I hardly pray now, I hardly believe in god now because I feel I am have never done anything wrong why is god treating me life this.

[Guest]

Sister I am replying after 2 months of your posting, May I ask how are you? What's the situation now.. is everything fine.. I agree with a friendly advise given to you above. Moreover dear just start loving yourself. I won't comment much at first you are free to post questions subsequently if you want, then of course I will be here for your help like a brother. But on a broader note I can just tell you don't get pulled away from life too much, Life can be harsh, life can be sweet in all cases excess of it can get devastating. Use this phase of your life to emerge more stronger. First what u require is stability in your decisions and then you need to identify your interests and try if you can get any field of your interest sometimes such situations can get over you because you internally don't like what you do. If you do thing of your interest can be instrumental in diverting lot of attention from the usual family problems that bothers you.

Moreover dear as a Sikh I can tell you we believe that all relations like your mom, dad, friends, spouse, brothers are the results of sanjog (circumstances) of your previous birth, but in the end only the God's name will go with you. When you feel alone try to do paath of Sukhmani sahib. As it has proved effective in warding of all physical, material problems facing in life. But it will take it's own course you can't just expect instant result. It's not a mantra kind of a thing but it indeed tells you how to make your mind and heart stable and remember God all the time as only his name saves you from all agonies and pains. You earn all pains from your karmas (and it a fact reinstated by Gurbani) but you can wash it off with just God's name '


ਪੰਨਾ 1030, ਸਤਰ 19

ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਪੁਰਬ ਜਨਮ ਕੇ ਕੀਏ ॥
सुखु दुखु पुरब जनम के कीए ॥
Sukẖ ḏukẖ purab janam ke kī▫e.
Pleasure and pain are the consequences of the actions of past lives.